I Don't Want My OKCupid Dates To Know I Like Video Games

I probably can't expect much from a person with a username including the words "Pussy" and "Monster" in it, but even so, a message that I got last month OKCupid from that user was worse than the usual fare.

  • Difficulty in forming complete sentences with logical thoughts and proper grammar? Check.
  • Random sex solicitation before telling me anything about yourself? Check.
  • Picture with a fedora? Check. Actually — the person's main profile picture was him standing in a dark room wearing Jedi robes and holding a lightsabre in the dark. Lord.
  • Some indication of past experiences with "bitches", "sluts" and "crazy women" along with the hope that you aren't any of those things? Check.
  • In spite of this, having his profile at some point list that he's a "real gentleman" who knows how to "treat a real lady?" Check.
  • Abrasive message telling me he could probably kick my arse in a game but that he'd take it easy on me because I'm a girl, but, oh! It was so wonderful that you'd finally found me — as in the exotic creature called "gamer girl!" Uh, check.

Receiving a message like this isn't abnormal for most women on OKCupid, based on my conversations with acquaintances — but typically, it's just a few cringe-worthy things in a single message at worst. This message somehow managed to capture just about every awful possible element of an OKCupid suitor. Here's the thing: a lot of messages that I've personally gotten tend to hit similar notes... when the person is a gamer, who has found me by searching for women who also have video games listed as an interest.

I recalled a conversation earlier in the year with a bunch of women games journalists and generally driven gamer women who expressed difficulty in finding someone who (to simplify and generalize) had ambition and chased success while still being a nerd. The elusive key here was to have someone fulfil these characteristics without being wholly defined by their interest in gaming.

That was the weird part about it, how common it was to find someone whose devotion to games felt uncomfortable. Begrudgingly you can work with someone who is shy, insecure or any other elements ‘nerds' stereotypically have. But what do you do with someone whose entire identity revolves around a hobby, and why does that seem to happen so much with games in particular? A hobby that, mind, many of my friends are utterly devoted to. But it was almost as if there is an unspoken understanding that there are "right" ways to indulge in an interest. Healthy ways. Obsessing over games to the point of becoming a one-dimensional person wasn't it, and it was common to find people for who that was the case more so than not.

And, to be sure, there's at least some degree of hypocrisy involved here. I'm no stranger to that when it comes to dating. Being unable to hold myself to normal human waking hours, for example, means I might find myself cruising OKCupid at 4am. But if you're checking me out at a similar time? Flags raised. What are you doing on OKCupid? Don't you have something better to do? (I don't.) (Single.)

That was the weird part about it, how common it was to find someone whose devotion to games felt uncomfortable.

It's the same thing when it comes to games. I kind of pause when I see someone is a gamer, even though I'm one. Maybe they're that perennial manchild misogynist gamer — this is more common than I'd like to admit. Maybe it's more innocuous, like having them seriously mention that their favourite game this year is Duke Nukem Forever. That actually happened, and all I could think at the time was "No." As in: "get away from me. Oh my god" type no. When you only have information to go on, detached from a person, it becomes easier to sort and discard profiles as if trying to find the most effective gear to equip in a game, regrettably.

But the big question was, do I want someone who likes games, too? Likes games as much as I do — because who else would understand late night review crunches, for example? Plus, why go out with someone that might as well be me? Can I approximate balance in a relationship when my worktime, playtime and private life all revolve around games and people who like them?

Whenever this discussion comes up this crisis seems to hang in the air, continually unresolved, and more importantly, continually single. But now, receiving that message from our good sir Pussy Monster, something games journalist Leigh Alexander said to me bubbled to the surface.

Maybe I shouldn't list games as an interest at all.

"I once had a female friend advise me not to put it on my profile because she thought it'd make people think I was creepy or too nerdy," Leigh explained, "And the weird thing is, based on the attention I've gotten in romantic contexts when it comes to gaming, I kind of get why she thinks that. I've been doing this for a long time, and when I see people who are aggressively all about their gaming hobby, even I take it as kind of a bad sign, like I'm going to be dating some internet comments troll, or RPGsBeBroke. I'm totally aware of the hypocrisy in that, but I can't really help it."

It almost seems like a brash move, doesn't it? How could I leave out such a crucial part of my day-to-day life? And even after managing to avoid the crazy fanatics and uber-nerds, there's another hesitation in not revealing one of my favourite pastimes: that a similar judgement might be unfairly passed on me. As much as I am aware of the stigma — that is all too often proven true in the depths of OKCupid — I'm afraid that by identifying with that community, I'm invariably identifying with that stigma.

Even if I'd say that games are what I ‘do', but not who I ‘am', or what ‘consumes' me, eventually I'd have to tell my significant other, right? What was I going to do, sit someone down and like... break it to them? In the same way I might confess to a significant other that I'm afraid I might be pregnant? Like I'm ashamed of it (but maybe I am?), like I might be afraid of what the response would be? Like it's worth hiding?

For all that I champion games, man, I don't know. The bad parts of this culture — the parts that try their hardest to keep certain people out, the parts that make "beat up Anita Sarkeesian" games just because she wanted to examine gender in games, the parts that refuse to acknowledge important titles as "games," or the ones that rage against the idea of games being more than mindless entertainment — those parts of the culture are pretty gross to me. Just because I've distanced myself from all of that, curated my way toward worthwhile games and people, found spaces where I'm comfortable and accepted, doesn't mean that other, sometimes uglier parts of the industry don't exist. The negative stigma games have, given this context, isn't wholly unwarranted.

And when I think about that aspect of the culture, yeah, I kind of am ashamed. I don't want to be linked to that, I don't endorse that. I don't want someone to take a look at something I listed, devoid of context, raise their eyebrows, and suddenly not consider me anymore — because they don't take games seriously, or because they expect I'm a member of the negative part of that community. Or worse! They think I'm an immature person — that's the more classic stigma surrounding people who play games, eh?

What was I going to do, sit someone down and like... break it to them? In the same way I might confess to a significant other that I'm afraid I might be pregnant?

You'd figure I'd be better off if someone was quick to judge me like that, but it's not like I don't use OKCupid that way myself. I know how it works. Like I said earlier, it's hilariously easy to stop considering someone just because they worded something wrong, because they like something you don't like — any number of completely arbitrary reasons, really.

While I've not had any luck, at least a couple of my friends have had good experiences on services like OKCupid because they listed games as an interest. Colette Bennett, another games journalist, told me that while she initially kept her interest in games a secret, she still made great friends with online dating profiles. When she went on to be honest in her profiles years later, it resulted in its fair share of lacklustre results at first, but then landed her an experience that made it all worth it.

Colette got a message from "The coolest gamer I would ever meet online, and later lead me not only to the beginning of my career writing in games, but also to one of the most valuable relationships I ever had. Sure, there's lots to stumble on when it comes to interacting with awkward gamers and figuring out whether calling yourself a 'gamer' on a dating site ends up being a good or a bad thing. If it wasn't for calling myself that, I wouldn't have ever written a word about gaming."

I don't discount the possibility that I could have a similarly wonderful experience. So far, no dice (not on OKCupid anyway. Twitter, meanwhile...) — only horrible or uncomfortable messages from men that consider gaming their end all be all and who apparently aren't up-to-date on statistics that reveal that yes, there are in fact women gamers. Lots of them, even.

For now, an experiment. I've taken off games as an interest in my profile, just to see what happens. So far the frequency of uncomfortable messages from Hardcore Gamer Dudes has dropped... which is not to say the overall quality of messages has increased. I might be getting matches with exactly the sort of person my profile warrants, who knows! But — for a while, at least — I know that whoever I do get isn't likely to adore games to an awkward degree, and isn't likely to fetishise my like of games, either.

Top photo: Shutterstock


    I am very upfront about gaming. It's a big part of my life and if it prospective partners so much that they are not even willing to go any further then so be it. I will likely be 80 and still gaming however we do it in 50 years so I need someone who is 100% ok with it.

    Shit attracts flies.

    I am so mature and treat women with such equality, that I don't even boast about it...



    "Way to come across as condescending" perhaps?

      Yep! Facetious rhetoric that doesn't even explain what the fuck OKcupid is or how it operates. Some context and research would be nice.

        It's an online dating site and it works the same as all the other online dating sites.
        You post a profile and if people are interested they choose to get in contact with you

          I have never used an online dating site. This is a gaming site. More to the point - why wasn't here 'little experiment' done before writing this article?? The comparison between her two profiles should have formed the basis of the article rather than vague opinion. Her tone and behaviour instead is both condescending and patronizing. The irony being she has become a parody of herself resulting in at least one negative female stereotype based comment being posted.

            The article is exploring the question: Do you put gaming as an interest on online dating sites?
            It wasn't trying to give a definitive answer it was stating a personal experience and reactions to that. Probably a bit longer than it needed to be but it was an attempt to stimulate dialog, which based on the comments seems to have succeeded

            You seem to be living a stereotype yourself... take a chill pill. It was an interesting read, too bad you couldnt see that yourself since you were too busy feeling the need to deride someone

    Really interesting piece.

    "For all that I champion games, man, I don’t know. The bad parts of this culture — the parts that try their hardest to keep certain people out, the parts that make “beat up Anita Sarkeesian” games just because she wanted to examine gender in games, the parts that refuse to acknowledge important titles as “games,” or the ones that rage against the idea of games being more than mindless entertainment — those parts of the culture are pretty gross to me. Just because I’ve distanced myself from all of that, curated my way toward worthwhile games and people, found spaces where I’m comfortable and accepted, doesn’t mean that other, sometimes uglier parts of the industry don’t exist. The negative stigma games have, given this context, isn’t wholly unwarranted."

    I'd agree with this. There's almost a double stigmatisation of 'gaming' as a hobby, because externally it conjures images of obsessive fanatics, and 'internally' many want to disassociate themselves with the rabid hordes of misogynistic troglodytes, YouTube commentators, keyboard warriors and the like who also take the title of gamers. What name do we take to indicate we don't belong to these groups?

    There are all sorts of perceptions coded in the word 'gamer' (perceptions we have of what it means, and what others will find in us) - it's interesting, but... kinda divisive.

      Kind of makes you wonder if the term "gamer" even has much meaning any more. I mean, obviously it does i.e. "one who plays games". But beyond that - I don't know if it's a useful way of describing a person. It's like "driver" - yeah, I drive a car, that makes me a driver when I'm doing it. That doesn't mean I'd use the word "driver" to describe myself the rest of the time when I'm doing other stuff. So perhaps the stigma that goes with being called a "gamer" is that perhaps it implies that games make up such a disproportionately large amount of that persons life that it has become a defining part of their personality rather than just a hobby?

        Great point.

        This is a good point, but I'm not sure if "driving" is a good analogy. Why? Because just about everyone drives (well, everyone who is of legal age to do so). In this day and age, you are looked on as some kind of weirdo of sorts, or even looked down on, if you DON'T have a driver's license.

        Gaming on the other hand is another matter. Not everyone games. Yes, the percentage of people becoming serious gamers is constantly on the rise, but it's still a rather niche hobby. There's plenty of people that would still consider you some kind of weirdo of sorts, or even look down on you, because you like playing video games. I know I've had that experience.

        I liken gaming more to like playing a musical instrument. I play drums, therefore I am a drummer, even when I'm holding a pair of sticks. I play games, therefore I am a gamer, even when I don't have a controller in my hands.

        Maybe one day, gaming will become as popular and as mainstream as driving, and it gets to the point where people consider you some kind of weirdo of sorts, or even look down on you, if you don't play games. But that day is still a long way off. Until then, we just need to put up with different people's personal definitions of what a "gamer" is and accept their point of view, whether they are condemning or condoning.

          "even when I'm NOT holding a pair of sticks".

          Proof read fail. I should probably register an account so I can make edits :P

          Well I guess I was thinking more in terms of driving just for the enjoyment of driving, which I often do i.e. as a hobby rather than because there's somewhere I need to be driving TO. But I can see how it might have been misinterpreted now that you mention it. And yeah, I also play a musical instrument (guitar), but I don't really consider myself to be "a guitarist". Maybe I would if I was better at it :P

          im 23 without a license to drive, and yeah i definitely get the occasional "huh? how do you go places?

          I think gaming is more widespread than you think. I would liken it more to someone who listens to music. The problem is that we have multiple words for music fans. We wouldn't call someone a "listener" just like I think it's a bit naive to call someone a "gamer" and know what that implies. We need more subculture names to define the ever expanding horizon of gaming. In the same way as we call people metalheads, could we define the type of gamer we are by giving them names like "fpser" etc (please step in someone who is more creative than I to finish my argument with good examples).

      Totally agree. The sad thing is, I want to identify myself as a gamer because it really is such a huge part of who I am. I play games, discuss games, read about games and work on games, The sad thing is I don't want to be stuck with peoples preconceptions on what a "gamer" is. I've always been like this, almost ashamed to admit to non-gamers just how much the hobby means to me. Other people at work identify as "cyclsts" or "footy fans" or something similar. Peoples eyes normally just glaze over when you mention that your evening was spent playing Halo.

      Ofcourse there are "good" gamers and "bad" gamers, yet as with most stereotypes its usually the worst of the group that get all the attention because of their bad attitudes or actions. I'd say the vast majority of gamers are not mysoginistic pigs in any way, but unfortunately it's the vocal minority that raise their voices the most and therefore paint the rest of us in a bad light.

        I'd go as far as to say I need to identify myself as a gamer in a relationship. I feel dishonest if I'm not upfront about it. I consider it a lie on the same level as not telling your Christian girlfriend you're an atheist. Sure it's a hobby not a STD but it's also an important detail left out because you know the other person may not react ideally.

        The worst part is there's a certain compulsion to over compensate and explain that you're not the guy demanding skimpily dressed ridiculously busted female characters in everything, you're not the 11 year old screaming over XBOX Live, you're not the basement dwelling lump playing Warcraft 23 hours a day. It only makes me sound worse but I don't want to risk people jumping to those conclusions.

          well....I wouldn't say I'm DEMANDING skimpy dressed busty women, but....

      Effing A, man. Effing A. Great article, great reply.

      I agree and I'd like to add that it's exactly the same for other niche hobbies. For example, I like anime aaaaaaaaaand there you go rolling your eyes and conjuring images of silly pokemans being cuddled by too-young schoolgirls in skimpy outfits attacked by a tentacled monster until a spiky-heared, absurdly super-powered hero arrives to save the day. But the truth is that beyond that derivative chaff you may also find a wealth of inspiring, thought-provoking, clever storytelling that I enjoy. It doesn't define me but I'd like my significant other to be able to enjoy it with me or at least not despise me for it.

      The main problem with de-listing that kind of hobbies from your profile is that a potential (good) match will assume (for the same reasons exposed in the article) that a person who didn't list it is not interested, AND that most likely will prejudicedly raise an eyebrow/run away when you finally decide to "come out" of that closet. Just remember the famous case of the female journalist that felt cheated when she learned that her date (Jon Finkel) didn't "warn" in his profile that he was an ex-champion of Magic: The Gathering and felt the need to publicly humiliate him for it.

      That is not an unfounded fear: There's one matching question in OkCupid asking whether you'd play along or at least tolerate someone who plays video games for a couple hours per day. The amount of negative answers and the intensity of the dislike (you can measure how much you care about your answer in their system) is telling. That's why I'm always happy to find someone who freely mentions games or other of my interests in their profile: saves me time and spares me the existential anguish I feel as I'm trying to court someone and the "moment of truth" approaches.

      Sure, listing your geeky/niche interest might mean that you get thousands of desperate replies from people without social or personal skills latching to that common affinity. However, it's almost a given that if you don't list them, you'll get a similar amount of d-bags except they will be into sports or cars or steroids instead of into your interests. And the few good men that contact you may reject your interests when they come up to light. Listing them, will make the few good men that contact you already have that in common with you.

    Really? Moderated? Was it for the language?

    I'm being serious, because if it's the language then fine, I wasn't aware that we aren't allowed to swear.

    But if it's because I was having a dig at the author, how is different from all the Plunkett haters?

      Yeah. Saw that I assumed it was the b word.

        I think it was more that it was offensive and added nothing to the conversation at all, other than pointing out he hadn't gotten the point.

      Mate, you can't call a writer that word, point blank.

        Can't call them what....?

        ...is it bitch? Is bitch the word that you can't call them? ; D

        ..but its fine to hurl insults at Luke and Brian?

        Please explain Mark

          No it's not. I'm not across every comment on the site. I would have deleted any comment in which the reader called the writer a bitch.

          Is that explanation enough?

          Also, if you think there is no difference between calling a woman a bitch and calling a man a bitch, you are a complete idiot.

            Thanks - nowhere did I ever write calling anyone a bitch was acceptable - and I have been quite vocal of author bashing on this site

            But now I am glad you have felt the need to call me an idiot - its obvious that if a MODERATOR can get away with insulting people on the comments section (of which I never said anything nasty, just asked you a question about why you dont remove insults and negative comments against all authors, regardless of the vitriol used in them) than the regular commentators here will see its acceptable.

    I understand where you are coming from but I like kotaku for games. This is personal and should probably be on 'ask bossy'

      Then don't click on articles titled "I Don’t Want My OKCupid Dates To Know I Like Video Games"?

      If I go to Woolworths for food, I don't walk around the aisles with things I don't like and complain.

        I can't judge an article by its title either.

          I reckon I could have taken a pretty fair stab in the dark on this one.
          One of the reasons I like kotaku AU is that it will have posts about the wider impact of games and game culture. How other people react to the word gamer in a dating profile is probably interesting and/or relevant to a lot of readers

          Kotaku is not just 100% about computer games themselves. There is a clue in the name of the site, K-'Otaku' look it up. It's about 'geek or nerd' culture.

        Well we are all gamers. So we get spend our time playing and complaining about videogames in franchises we love but now hate! :)

        LOL you should that would be the funniest thing to watch

    I think it's important to declare who and what you are, regardless of the fall out that ensues.. I mean.. regardless of what the topic is, there are always bad apples that spoil things.. If you are insecure about your love for games, then that's another issue altogether..

    See.. I love playing games, it's part of my life.. if I were to lie or omit this from my dating profile, I would not only be lying to myself and others but setting myself up for potential rejection later on. You want someone who will love you for who you are, not what you think others think is "better".

    I'm married.. but my wife knew I was into gaming.. she doesn't like it much when I spend the whole night gaming.. I wish she could enjoy the games with me.. share the excitement and frustration.. but she doesn't "get" gaming. We love each other.. we spend our lives together.. but some things I do by myself and other things she does by herself and that's just fine.

    On another note, my brother's girlfriend (possibly his 2nd wife in time to come) actually goes by a gender-neutral name at work because her work is in the IT industry and the majority of her communication is done by email. Most of the people she works with, via email, all think she is male.. and she does this because she has better working relationships with them than when she used to go by her actual name.

    Last edited 08/11/12 3:34 pm

      +1 on the matter of the Female IT worker.
      I've seen the same situation happen in a couple of clients I've worked with. I've got a female IT worker in my team with a gender neutral name that lessens (at least as far as emails are concerned) the sexist undertones that commonly occur when we go to meetings together. Its also very awkward when I notice guys looking at her rack instead of at her during those meetings.

      On the flipside - I knew a guy called Stacy and he ALWAYS got mistaken for a girl via email. Hilarious when he used to use it to his advantage instead of getting annoyed by it.

    It's pretty sad that the same people who would be crying foul about the media falsely portraying gamers as a whole over the actions of a minority end up doing the same thing themselves.There are nutbags in all walks of life who will latch on to you for any number of reasons. They're not creeps because they're gamers, they're creeps full stop. Posting something publicly on the internet, no matter the context, and then being surprised that there is always a relatively anonymous loon responding negatively to it just seems kind of blinkered.

    Ugh. Gawker Media meets OKCupid, Round 2.

    In which we learn that girls who like video games want to tell everyone they like video games but don't want to actually talk about video games - especially not with boys who like video games because they have unrealistic preconceptions of girls who play video games and it would be far too much effort to actually try and educate them about the truth.

      and that some (shallower) boys that like games think girls that like games should automatically like them too and therefore sleep with them. And maybe play games.

        Hey, I'm a real catch! Neckbeard like this doesn't grow itself*, you know!

        *It does.

    Granted, there are all sorts of obsessive personalities that associated with the term 'gamer', but if we want to change this perception, then shying away from it will only serve to strengthen that stereotype.

    Funnily enough, I have a profile on OKCupid as well, and I list games as one of my interests. I also have a number of other interests listed as well, so hopefully that shows an interest in games isn't necessarily an indication of obsession. Mind you, the results from this profile haven't been encouraging, but I'm happy that I have been honest in it, and I'm happy to take the label of "gamer". It's doing my bit to change the perception.

    Im very up front about being a gamer/nerd, i love my comic books, video games, SciFi but im not a creeper, and in point of fact i love that my partner isnt as into it as i am, she keeps me doing other things away from my PC. (She does love pokemon, and i've made the mistake of introducing her to minecraft)

    I'm a brutaly honest person, dont lie and wont lie, even to protect someones feelings, dont want me to Lie dont ask a question you dont want the honest answer for, so to hide the fact that im a nerd or gamer initially to "impress" someone is against what i beleive in.
    Mind you i've never had to "date" and if i ever had to.. i may see things slightly different, there are a lot of creepers and wierdo's out there, but if you dismiss all based on the worst your only hurting your own chances of finding that right balance.

    When my partner and i got together initially, from day one i explained that im a nerd, i love video games, im brutally honest and nothing will change that, and its kept us very happy for the last 4 years having that understanding form day dot, we dont have trust issues, we dont argue unless its about the dishes :P

    The "gamer" word has that basement dwelling, pimple faced stigma attached to it, these days however its not the case.
    Most gamers are now parents/husbands/wives with career's to worry about, but like all hobbies there is always the stigma of the label.

    "Rugby/Afl players are boofhead"
    "Nerds are gross basement dwellers"
    "Bitches be crazy"
    Some yes... but not all

    Be honest, be yourself, dont change or bend to fit someone else's views and you will find the right fit.

      I agree with this so much.

      Unless you are just looking to get laid I don't get the point of not being honest about who you are at the start of a relationship. Wouldn't you rather find out if it's not going to work early rather then later after you've invested time, money and emotions. They'll find out the real you sooner or later.

      If you are just looking to get laid, that's what clubs are for.

      I've been single for longer then I care to admit but I've been put off dating sights after my sisters experiences it feels to me like a giant lying competition.

      Someone else mentioned something about it being like rollplaying.

      I did enjoy the article though and would read a follow up.

        The relationships that fail can be almost as fun as the relationships that succeed. So I can't endorse your reasoning even if I am not totally against being truthful.

          Fair enough, I guess that's really a point of personal preference.

    Gamed if you do, and gamed if you don't.

    I agree with the divisive nature of being a gamer. Its even worse when you tell people that you play games, watch anime, read manga, etc and they immediately take a "Oh you're one of THEM" stance when talking to you. Really annoys me to no end. Romance is one thing, but this happens during my professional life as well.

    Great article, well thought out and interesting. A fresh change of pace.

    Rather than outright lie about video game and being a reviewer, why not describe yourself as an entertainment reviewer/critic. this gives you the opportunity to let those interested in on the secret on your own clock.

    Patricia how dare you call some one who likes games enthusiastically a one dimensional uninspiring autists.

    You claim they are shy and insecure, perhaps if you gave them the time of day to get to know them better instead of ban hammering them from the get go for their first impressions.

    All i see in your wall of text is how vain and judgemental you are.

    Who are you? a casual nothing gamer who thinks just cause they play a few games they can name themselves elite.

    They love what they do and wan't to share their love with some one who could feel the same way, so think twice before you say no.

    Are you saying no because you were conditioned to?

      The gist of the article ( as you didnt' seem to grasp it ) is; alot of men who label themselves as gamers on dating sites, are generally socially retarded man children, it doesn't take long to start stereotyping them all as such, after afew bad eggs.

      After all it is an internet dating site, it's designed so you can make snap judgements about people and not have to care about it.

      Last edited 08/11/12 4:22 pm

      Did you read the dot points at the top of the article that explained what was actually put in the message to her.
      She didn't reject this guy because he liked games, she rejected him because based on his message she didn't think he was a nice person. As she stated in the article their was a group of them that wanted to find a nerd/geek type that wasn't defined as solely that. Somebody stating they like gaming isn't going to turn Patricia away from them. Calling women crazy bitches, soliciting sex and claiming they could kick your arse in any game as an introduction and 'Would you like to date me' message will

        Yeah but wouldn't telling her that he could kick her ass impress her by his manly skills?

    that guy sounds like an absolute twat...


    "I recalled a conversation earlier in the year with a bunch of women games journalists and generally driven gamer women who expressed difficulty in finding someone who (to simplify and generalize) had ambition and chased success while still being a nerd"

    what does this actually mean? "to chase sucess" do you expect mr right to be raking in money or forever climb the corporate ladder?

    I don;t know...on one hand I love games and love the fact that I can say I love such a thing and don;t care what people think....once that wears off though I look at the ugly side..and then my action figures and wonder...am I one of them?

    Last edited 08/11/12 4:20 pm

    Kotaku Core for the Australian site?
    Pretty please...

    Some really good points raised here, very interesting insights.

    You have to be careful when you tell people your a gamer and a geek. I've found that I have to carefully mix it in with other interests.

    Games are one of those hobbies that is virtually all encompassing for some people, and this is the stereotype people conjour up when you say "I'm a geek/gamer". If on the other hand you say something like "I'm a (profession), and I enjoy X, Y, games and Z" your being honest about being a gamer, but demonstrating that it doesn't encompass you.

    My dearest friends are gamers, and it's quite possible I would have missed out on them if I hadn't been honest about my gaming. I think us gamers just need to show the world at large that, though there is some truth to the stereotype, most of us are pretty awesome =).

      I tried your advice but all I got was "I'm a game developer, and I enjoy nethack, world of warcraft and super mario bros." NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

    I'm trying to imagine the sort of person who'd use a service like that. It seems like the kind of terminally shy and awkward person who'd require that kind of support is also the sort of person who'd find the concept of the dating website horrifying.

    If you're going to hide who you are then you might as well change everything in the profile and role play as someone else, cause that's exactly what you are doing

    Interesting, i am going to make a profile and test outing myself as a gamer

    I'm upfront with my obsession with gaming and nerdery (including comic books).

    I don't use online dating sites at present, but if I did, I think I'd run into similar problems as the author - many people seem to assume that because I share one interest with them, I'd like to seem them without their pants.
    I've been harassed ingame when I've revealed myself as female (and that's in an area where I'm not trying to get dates), so I imagine that combining both dating site and the knowledge of gaming could potentially draw out those people that are terrifying and pushy. I'm sure there are also lots of lovely guys who are into both dating and gaming on those sites, but the fear factor is strong enough that I think I'd avoid it.

    However, that being said, I don't think I could date anyone who wasn't also into games to some extent. It's a big part of my life and I guess I need someone who I can grow old and play lego games with.

    So yeah, food for thought.

    Last edited 08/11/12 11:54 pm

    I wouldn't send creepy messages that guy. Then again, I don't use dating sites either so I wouldn't be sending ANY messages :P

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