The Nasty Jokes Hitman: Absolution Didn't Have To Make

Hitman: Absolution is a game that requires a lot of sneaking around, and like most sneaking games, you'll find yourself regularly incapacitating guards and stashing their bodies. Every time you stash a guard in closet, his body will slump standing up over to the left side of the enclosure.

Every closet can hold two bodies, so if you knock out another guard and stuff him in there with the first guy, he'll slump forward so his rear is end up against the first guard's crotch. The effect is such that the two men appear to be mid-coitus.

Funny, right? Well…

On its face, it's a dumb, easy joke. If it happened one time, maybe to characters who were defined, or who spent the game loudly asserting their heterosexuality, it could even work. As it stands, it elicits a bit of a titter the first time, but then it happens again, and again, and again.

It combines with other things to give Absolution — a relatively sophisticated game, in terms of design — an air of lowbrow nastiness that it would've been better without. As I mentioned in my review, the women in the game are all either prostitutes, killers, wank material or some combination thereof. The sole female occupants of an early-stage hotel are: a mean old woman who spends all of her lines berating men and calling them dickless losers, and a maid who is later grabbed and brutally throat-slit in service of the plot. In a later scene, a developmentally disabled man, derisively referred to by his friends and father as "limp dick," is goaded into murdering an unarmed nun.

The "Saints," the much talked-about assassin nuns from that now-infamous commercial, are explained via overheard dialogue as the product of domestic abuse, which… I guess eventually led them to dress up in latex S&M garb and become killers? It's not really explained. They're like Metal Gear Solid 4's Beauty and the Beast unit, but one tenth as interesting.

I'm not on a politically correct crusade here. Off-colour, exploitative jokes are generally fine, if they're done well. My gripe isn't so much that this stuff is potentially offensive, it's just that it's kinda lazy and bad. The game features a lot of gleefully ridiculous, well-performed and good writing (more on that later today), so it's a shame that some of it misses the mark.

Hitman: Absolution frequently features offensive or disgusting content of the enjoyable sort, but just as often an undercurrent of dumb nastiness detracts from what's an otherwise very fun, sadistic stealth game. It feels miscalculated and not very self-aware, like the game is trying too hard.

"See? See?" The game says, "It's like they're gay even though they're not. Isn't that hilarious?"

No. Now quit distracting me, I'm trying to kill people over here.


    I understand hiding the kills

    I really do

    But if no one else is going to enter that room, and that fact is a certainty

    I wouldn't bother

    Just put a bullet in his head while he sits in his chair

    Also, hiding their bodies would lead their team mates to think they are missing

    Say you garotted him, and left him in his chair, they would think he was alseep and keep walking

    If the guard isn't where he should be, wouldn't that illicit some kind of search?

      Don't you think the other guard might try to wake him up while he is on the job, still there are chances for the guard to walk way but hiding is less riskier than leaving the body dead on the chair

        dead bodies on chairs for the win

    It would be annoying if it happened all the time. Is it a 100% thing?

      Dude, it sounds like it is a 100% percent thing from what he said

      If possible I guess I would suggest not hiding two bodies in 1 cupboard

      Or not hiding bodies

    The Hitman series has always been rife with vulgar innuendos. I was obviously a lot younger when I played the first couple, and these moments normally made me laugh and then I'd move on.

    However, when I went back to the games to replay them, I started thinking the developers intention was to purvey a separation between Agent 47 and the seedy underworld he operated in. It also came across like it was then ok to kill the "deviants", because of the air of righteousness in 47's missions.

    This is compounded (for anyone who doesn't know the story) by 47's living quarters in the monestary, during the 2nd game.

    Religion, good versus evil, punishment of sin; these are all regular themes in the games.

    It's possible that some of the devs maybe missed the mark of these themes in this game though...

    I think its kinda funny.

    Its a game about a professional assassin - a person whom kills other people (inocent or not) for money.

    Again- its just a game. Poor taste maybe but its just a game. Play or dont play, look or dont look, the choice is yours.

    Yup.. this game isn't Duke Nukem.. it's supposed to be relatively classy whilst still being dark and sinister. It's like some 12 year old's joke within the game that is repeated constantly in a way only a 12 year old would find funny. Very disappointing really.

    I don't see a problem with this. It's quite funny to see a lighter side of such a dark title.
    Sometimes good old physical comedy works :)

    I cant believe some of these comments. Are you serious? This is such a small, stupid thing to complain about.

    Why does it have to be a gay joke? He's putting 2 dead bodies in a cupboard that stand up all by themselves WAY before rigor mortis sets in, so suspend some disbelief and take it as a game.

    Or at least make it some kind of gay necrophilia joke. ;)

    Yeah, I don't see this as a big deal, or a news flash.
    It's a dark, seedy game about horrifying people & immersing yourself in their world. I think it would be more unrealistic if there wasn't all the inappropriate content in there. That being said it would definitely flare up my OCD if the bodies did that every time..
    Also, you have all pointed out that the previous games were the same, you should have known what to expect going in.
    That being said, I am quite jealous I don't have it to complain about.

    I dont see the problem, nor did I see any problem with the "infamous" ad.

    It amazes me how in some countries women are persecuted for wanting to go to school, and we have people over here bitching about girls in video games wearing latex.

    Hows that saying go? "Check your privilege"?

    murdering people in cold blood, that's ok, but oooooooo don't you dare make it look gay or anything.

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