Hi, Mark's controller here, I've just heard some news. Apparently RedLynx and Ubisoft have decided it was a good idea to release some new Trials DLC. I'm here to ask a simple question: won't somebody think of the controllers?
I have been punished. I have been thrown to the ground. The language hurled in my general direction has been nothing short of disgraceful. Generally I'm used to this sort of behaviour — my owner is a cantankerous gentleman, with a decidedly Scottish temperament. When things don't go his way, he lashes out, at me, his trusted companion. A bad tradesman always blames his tools and my owner is a very, very bad tradesman.
So RedLynx, Ubisoft. Why are you doing this to me? Why would you knowingly release this content? Content that will inspire my owner to nasty, unspeakable deeds, deeds that may render my circuitry unmanageable, deeds that could very well end my life. On a day-to-day basis I usually deal with difficulties: palm sweat, dust, dorito flavouring, germs, but the physical — nay brutal — violence only rears its ugly head when Trials Evolution is being played.
I say no. Australia says no. I'm begging you. Stop the violence. End it. My life depends on it.