Hilarious Flavour Text Is One Reason To Play Final Fantasy: All The Bravest

While I'm not too keen on Final Fantasy: All the Bravest's copious amounts of in-app purchases and incredibly basic gameplay, a quick flip through the game's character, enemy and weapons collection pages is good for a fair amount of giggles, possibly even a guffaw or two.

Take the basilisk, for instance. If my mother had known I was sitting in my bedroom getting stoned after school I probably wouldn't have wound up in my current profession. I suspect drug testing is not mandatory for video game text translators.

Let's tip-toe through the collection and see what other hilarity ensues.

The dreaded wardrobe malfunction.

Who doesn't?

It's only a flesh wound.

Stupid Blood Lance, draining lives.

What, that isn't normal feline behaviour?

That or a quarter of the people at every anime convention I've ever attended.

Bow down!

Leaving this one alone.

You can't cut corners with poison, people.

Likely written by a doe-eyed high-schooler.

What else are you supposed to do with it?

Just some guy, you know?

I've had lousy luck with the premium character store.


    lol cheap laughs none the less, it actually kind of fortifies the fact this game was typed up in a matter of hours to scam money out of people haha

    I feel stupid for buying this.

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