Life For A Grand Theft Auto Call Girl Kind Of Sucks

Nobody respects the sex workers in Grand Theft Auto, man. To most players they're just an ongoing joke about what you really do in the GTA games (blow shit up and kill hookers, basically). Ever think about what it's like for the call girl to have a psychopath John running around, though?

Today, Something Awful's Zack Parsons published a clever article/diary that takes a look at the life of a GTA call girl. It's about as horrible (and funny) as you might expect. A small taste:

January 8th

A guy covered in blood and barely conscious said if he didn't get a BJ he was going to die. Sure, why not? What's the worst that could happen? Turns out the worst that could happen is he drives you up onto the roof of a parking garage and throws molotov cocktails at people until the police shoot him from a helicopter. I was stuck up there until, luckily, the guy's dead body disappeared and the car I was in ceased to exist. What a nightmare.

You can read the full thing here, though rest assured it's not a life worth envying. Actually, it really, really sucks.

The Secret Diary of a Grand Theft Auto Call Girl [Something Awful]


    Enjoyed the article, had a chuckle. But you are right being a prostitute is not glamorous or indeed fun when taken in context.

    For me the fun of GTA is being careful not to kill anyone except my enemies - any scrub can drive around racking up a massive body count, but it takes skill to never run anyone over and to avoid shooting civilians. The story of GTA IV makes Nico out to be the conscientious sociopath, he's a cold blooded murderer but he doesn't kill indiscriminately.

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