Video games are not real life. Mainstream media may disagree, but I think it’s safe to say that most of us can distinguish between the two. Science, however, keeps messing with our heads. It keeps trying to invent the things that are in our video games! Stop confusing us, science. Are we in the matrix? Is this real life…
Daily Telegraph, Maury Povich, Andrew Bolt — send help! I’m dissolving into a land where make believe and real life are indistinguishable from the another! Aiiieeee…
And this mish-mash of fiction and reality is especially apparent in the realm of video game weaponry. What initially exists in the imagination of a wacked out game designer often becomes a physical actual thing used to kill other human beings. Pretty terrifying when you think about it.
Gears of War’s Chainsaw Bayonet
The Gears of War Chainsaw Bayonet always felt like something that came from the warped mind of a deranged 10 year old. It’s like a T-Rex with laser beams for eyes, or a machine-gun wielding shark. In a sense it’s just utter stupidity — the best kind of utter stupidity. Axe Cop stupidity; the kind that feeds on an incredible imagination directed in hilariously bad directions.
But the chainsaw bayonet had a massive cultural impact. It’ll be the last thing anyone forgets about Gears of War. It’s iconic, symbolic even. It represents the tone, the style and the feel of the entire franchise.
And of course someone tried to build one in real life.
Above you can see some crazy human being concoct some kind of chainsaw/assault rifle mish mash. And you can watch as he uses this technology to… chop pumpkins in half? What the hell?
Actually this makes a lot of sense. Yesterday I made pumpkin soup and peeling those suckers is a genuine task and a half. Why didn’t I think of attaching a chainsaw to an M15. I would have gotten that soup ready way quicker.
Oh, and you can actually buy an attachable chainsaw bayonet for your rifle. Head here. This site doesn’t look dodgy at all!
Metal Gear Solid 4’s Gekko’s
Of all the objects/inventions on this list, I find these DARPA robots the most terrifying. The movement. It’s just too real, but not real. It’s freaky.
Just imagine one of these things chasing you. It won’t stop. It maintains the same pace. It never changes. You keep running, you suck in air, you freak out, you panic, your heart pounds in its chest cavity. You find stairs. Safe, you think. You charge up the stairs. You stop and look down. The DARPA robot stops for a second, calculates. IT THEN CHARGES UP THE STAIRS TOWARDS YOU.
This is nightmare fuel. This is what keeps you awake at night. Burn these things. Burn them. Burn the warehouses that hold them. Burn the research. Burn the computers used to build them. Burn it all. Don’t burn the scientists though, just put them in prison or something. Force them to be physics teachers in Dubbo or something. Yeah, that’s a fitting punishment for this heresy.
Editor’s note: these robots wear rock climbing shoes for some reason — the same brand of rock climbing shoes I have! Cool!
The Master Chief’s Exoskeleton
Exoskeletons, or the ideas behind them, have been floating around for decades. It’s one of those cases where fiction influences science and vice versa. It’s a back and forth process. Master Chief was hardly the first video game character to use some type of exoskeleton, and real life exoskeletons actually existed before Halo was released, but…
When I see the above picture — of a soldier doing assisted push ups via bloody brain control — I think of Master Chief. I think of his ability to pull off those giant floaty jumps he does. I think of his super human reflexes. I think of his regenerating shields.
The above technology is incredible. It literally allows users to move the exoskeleton with their own brains. Pretty soon this tech will exist — we will be able to think of a movement, whilst attached to these mechanical monstrosities, and said mechanical monstrosity will then make that specific movement.
“Exoskeleton, run over in that direction… do a rocket jump. Pick up the battle rifle. Four shot that guy. Steal his plasma grenades. Yeaaaaaaah.”
The Railgun From Every Shooter Ever Made…
You’d be hard pressed to find a modern shooter that doesn’t feature some sort of railgun. Usually your character is so big, strong and muscley that he just picks the thing up and waddles around shredding the flesh of any alien/nazi/space nazi dumb enough to get in the way.
The reality is that electromagnetic railguns already exist, but they’re massive. And massively powerful. The above video should give you anidea of just how powerful. In the future Naval warships will be packing these bad boys instead of regular explosive cannons. They have the ability to accurately destroy targets from 100 miles away with this monster 33-megajoules railgun.
Contra’s Spread Gun
The spread gun in Contra is one of the most fondly remembered weapons of all time — mainly because it was super helpful in navigating one of the most balls-to-the-wall difficult side-scrolling shooters ever conceived.
Creating a gun the fires giant spreading explosive bubbles probably isn’t that pragmatic in real life, but Metal Storm has build the next best thing: a ‘gun’ that fires 1 million bullets per minute in a weird spread.
It’s a truly monstrous device that utilises non-moving parts technology. It can be applied to multiple different firing devices, including regular handguns. I seriously can’t even imagine the kind of damage you could do with one of these things. There’s not an object built by human beings that could withstand a hit from 1 million bullets fired in a single minute. Utter destruction.
Perhaps scariest of all — they’re attaching these things to robots!
Truly, the end is nigh.