Games Of 2013: The Last Guardian

Video games. It seems like we spend way more time talking about them than playing them. How did this happen? When? A large part of the whole ‘being passionate about games’ thing is the stupid product lust – the ‘hype train’. You can’t escape it. You can’t fight it. You know it makes zero sense, but you hop on board regardless. ALL ABOARD.

Next stop – mild disappointment?

Who knows, who can tell? All this week I’m going to take a quick look at the games I’m most excited about in 2013. Feel free to get talking about the hype trains you’re currently aboard!

Today I'm talking about The Last Guardian. I think.

———— It's a running joke, but it isn't a good one. At least, not the kind you giggle at. More like trench humour. We're all stuck here, waiting. Might as well laugh, else we'll all go crazy.

I'm pretty sure The Last Guardian appeared on my Games of 2012 series. I can't remember if I did one in 2011, but if I did, it most likely appeared on that too. What's the go? What's happening? Give me a sign goddammit!

I've been watching Homeland recently. In that show the antogonist Nicholas Brody arrives home after eight years in captivity in Iraq. After faithfully waiting for years, Brody's wife was just about to move on with her life, move in with another man — then BAM! Brody's home. The husband she had mourned, once thought dead, was now back in her life.

How do you deal with that?

In this silly extended metaphor, I'm the wife waiting patiently for my husband, who could be dead for all I know. I am waiting, but I'm just about ready to stop waiting. I'm about ready to give up and move on. But I'm confused. My heart is torn. If you were to wander into my living room right now, The Last Guardian, clad in your damn sexy uniform, salutin' and fallutin' all 'permission to come aboard Captain' — how could I resist? How could I?

But what would that be like? Would The Last Guardian be the same man I remembered, in those first tender moments, wrapped up next to a smouldering fire. Sharing a smoothie, two straws one cup. How has that drawn out development changed him? Where have you been all these years, The Last Guardian. What have you seen.

I don't know when you'll come home, I don't know if you'll come home. But every day I wake up, I hear a knock on the door, a phone rings. Maybe it's The Last Guardian. Maybe it's him. Maybe it's Nicholas Brody, maybe it's a terrorist in my own home, part of an Al Qaeda plot to blow up the Vice-President. What do I believe? Who do I believe? Are you in over your head The Last Guardian. Just tell me! Just be honest with me?

All right fine, I've been with other games! Is that what you want to hear? I've been playing around. What did you expect? That I would just wait forever? I'm a woman. I have needs! I have needs goddammit, and I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD. I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONE FROM MY LIFE AND I HAD TO MOVE ON.

This family had to move on.

How was I supposed to know, The Last Guardian? How was I supposed to know...

Okaaay, that just got weird.

[Slowly backs away from extended metaphor]


    I'll be banging away at GTA V and I don't care if the Last Guardian walks in on me!

    I think you and The Last Guardian should just stay friends....

    I'll just leave this here:

      They didn't heed my warnings......

    As Joe Hallenbach (The Last Boyscout) would say: "buy a dog"

    "Video games. It seems like we spend way more time talking about them than playing them. How did this happen? When?"

    When I got a full-time job :-(

    I didn't know Nicholas Brody was the antagonist.. My assumptions regarding Homeland were completely wrong. Maybe I actually do want to watch it. #MissingthePoint

    The last guardian might not have come back yet, but it sees everything you do, every night spent with other games ... maybe it just doesn't want to come back?

    I don't want The Last Guardian, I just need it, to breathe, to feel, to know I'm alive

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