Leave This Game About Candy On A Browser. Profit. Discover Actual Video Game. Go Insane.

I have no idea what this does. I have no idea what it's for. I simply opened this website, stared at it for three minutes then left. 'It's a game about nothing, I guess' is what I said to myself. A ticker telling me how much candy I had, or could eat, spiralled upwards. I came back absent mindedly a couple of minutes later. WHAT THE HELL? A crudely drawn Candy Merchant appeared. Also, I was able to trade my candy for a wooden sword. What the hell is going on here?

I don't know what will happen, I have no idea. In between writing these sentences I've been popping back to see what will happen next. I've bought a wooden sword, I've eaten 24 candies,I have thrown 10 candies on the ground. The candy merchant stares at me with his dead 'a' for eyes. I want to see what happens when I have 500 candies to trade.

So I wait.

This game is madness. It's utter madness. You have to try it.

I'm going to wait until I have 500 candies before I post this. What will happen? THE ANTICIPATION IS KILLING ME.

I have 487 candies right this second.

Okay, now I have 500 candies. The Candy Merchant is now desperate for candies. He's offereing me 10 discounted lollipops for 500 candies.

FINE.

Oh, now I have no candies. I'm depressed.

But wait, the counter is now counting upwards again. I will have my candies. What will happen when I get to 1000?

Oh Jesus Christ, what am I doing with my life...

Wait, oh wait. There's a quest? You can go on quests? Oh man. This changes everything. I am going on a quest, be right back.

...

Okay I'm back from my quest. I need a better sword. I'm going to wait for a bit until I get more candies. This is my life now.

Wait there's a sorceress' hut? I can purchase spells? Sweet jesus this game is deceptively deep. You must (never) play this. You must (never) play this right now.

Now I have a Diamond Sword. I'm going to the swamp to fight goblins. See you later.

Via Leigh Alexander


Comments

    It would help if you included the website...

    Link is in the tweet! Phew. For a second I thought I was going to have to click somewhere more than twice to get to the goodies and I PANICKED.

    This is the best review of a game. Ever. I am saving for my Iron sword and currently generating 10 lollipops an hour.

      Plant more 'pops man! If you do ten at a time, it seems to double the current output and then some.

      Edit: Hm. Or not. Takes about 50 to get to '1 per minute' status, then increases from there, but not sure the equation.

      Last edited 02/05/13 3:35 pm

        80lp/sec and growing. MUST PLANT MORE LOLLIPOPS!
        And then 100lp/sec... and then it's totally plateaued. I've now planted 25000 and not keen to plant any more if it's not going to give me any more benefit.

        Last edited 02/05/13 4:18 pm

          Can't see any benefit myself. Best to hang on to those thousands of lollipops, you'll need 'em.

          ...A line I never thought I'd type.

            Yeah, already spent 60K of them upgrading my life sword, getting ready to spend another 170K doing it again.

    This game is final justification for my forever on, but rarely used, PC. I WILL HAVE ALL THE CANDIEZ COME MORNING!!!

    This is like IdleRPG mixed with Kingdom of Loathing, but with candy. Unless meat is a candy... Or you can have candied meat... There might be a market here.

      you can totally have candied meat. a restaraunt here in melbourne used to put candied bacon in icecream and they had a meat platter with a candied ham hock. both EPIC.

    Guise, get with the times! Progress Quest > *

    http://progressquest.com/

    Lol I wonder what the CowLevel.js file is for in the source.

    1. in Chrome, hit 'ctrl+shift+i'

    2. Click 'console'

    3. Copy and Paste:
    candies.setNbrOwned(10000000000);
    lollipops.nbrOwned=1000000000;

    4. Profit!

    It might be cheating, it might totally butcher the whole idea of the game...but hey, it will give you back those irreplaceable minutes of life that would be otherwise spent watching your candies increment...

    edit: boy, i'm really good at this game. games like this are a cinch with lightning fast reflexes like mine :-P

    Last edited 02/05/13 4:16 pm

      If you watch these games then you play them wrong.

      And here I was waiting and ready to leave it overnight like a schmuck :P

      I like how it tells you off for cheating for looking at the source code :)

      Actually, this game is really fantastic. Great work. i think cheating makes it a bit more accessible, because you can play it all the way through before you ADD out and forget about it.

      Couldn't ever get through the final wave of ghosts, when I realized the ultimate cheat code. While mission is running,

      quest.invulnerability=true;

      And, if the the final clone fight is taking too long because you buffed yourself up too much eating billions of candies:

      quest.things[0].hp=100;

      I'm pretty sure that's how it's supposed to be played :P

      Last edited 02/05/13 9:09 pm

    Unless of course I hit "Load" instead of "Save", and lose a couple of hours of candy and questing progress...

    click the merchants hat until he coughs up some candies.

    Also, touch the merchants lollipops until they're nice and cheap

    I wish I could upvote posts. Plus @trjn is refusing to get involved in this game and I don't think that's a bad thing.

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