I have no idea what this does. I have no idea what it’s for. I simply opened this website, stared at it for three minutes then left. ‘It’s a game about nothing, I guess’ is what I said to myself. A ticker telling me how much candy I had, or could eat, spiralled upwards. I came back absent mindedly a couple of minutes later. WHAT THE HELL? A crudely drawn Candy Merchant appeared. Also, I was able to trade my candy for a wooden sword. What the hell is going on here?
I don’t know what will happen, I have no idea. In between writing these sentences I’ve been popping back to see what will happen next. I’ve bought a wooden sword, I’ve eaten 24 candies,I have thrown 10 candies on the ground. The candy merchant stares at me with his dead ‘a’ for eyes. I want to see what happens when I have 500 candies to trade.
So I wait.
This game is madness. It’s utter madness. You have to try it.
I’m going to wait until I have 500 candies before I post this. What will happen? THE ANTICIPATION IS KILLING ME.
I have 487 candies right this second.
Okay, now I have 500 candies. The Candy Merchant is now desperate for candies. He’s offereing me 10 discounted lollipops for 500 candies.
Oh, now I have no candies. I’m depressed.
But wait, the counter is now counting upwards again. I will have my candies. What will happen when I get to 1000?
Oh Jesus Christ, what am I doing with my life…
Wait, oh wait. There’s a quest? You can go on quests? Oh man. This changes everything. I am going on a quest, be right back.
Okay I’m back from my quest. I need a better sword. I’m going to wait for a bit until I get more candies. This is my life now.
Wait there’s a sorceress’ hut? I can purchase spells? Sweet jesus this game is deceptively deep. You must (never) play this. You must (never) play this right now.
Now I have a Diamond Sword. I’m going to the swamp to fight goblins. See you later.
Via Leigh Alexander