GTA's Latest Teaser Shows Tennis, Triathlon, And Other Vanity Sports

Another update to the Grand Theft Auto V site gives us a glimpse of the leisure activities in Los Santos — always a draw of this series — as well as a preview of some of the radio stations in the game, less than two weeks before release.

"Fitness & Relaxation," brought to you by the "Egochaser Energy Bar" is above, and it shows attractive, energetic twentysomething Los Santosians engaging in pursuits that white people ages 31 to 49 throw money at, because buying Kashi GOLEAN Crunch! and conspicuously giving a fuck about the Tour de France means you're still physically desirable.

So you can expect tennis, triathlons, BASE jumping, hiking, ATV riding and all kinds of ESPN X-treme Shit to be in the menu of pastimes and side pursuits offered by this game. All we're missing is someone summiting a fucking national monument while your credit card company screams "Somebody left the gate OOOOOOOOO-PEN!"

But wait, there's more! Click on "Exciting music and entertainment" and you can hear previews from seven of the game's 17 radio stations. Or you can watch promos for two of its television offerings (the fall lineup for "CNT", and "Kung Fu Rainbow Lazer Force.") This is where Rockstar gives its equal-time lip service to liberal stereotype, because hey, if Call of Duty is any indication, Republicans buy a shitload of video games, too.

Grand Theft Auto V is out Sept. 17 and, whatever your age, race, gender, political persuasion, or debt limit, you're probably going to play it.

To contact the author of this post, write to [email protected] or find him on Twitter @owengood.


    Woop, WCTR is back, but i do hope that its more like San Andreas than what IV offered.

    So from what I could tell theres

    Base jumping
    Jet skiing
    Road cycling
    Rock climbing

    and we already know there golf and tennis

      Yeh.. and I would assume they will include skateboarding as well.. and quite possibly roller blading too.. they don't show it.. but they do show BMX in a skateboard park..

      I have to say that I am more than a little excited about the prospect of Rock Climbing, providing there are objectives to complete..

      Last edited 09/09/13 12:51 pm

    Y'know what's scary? I'll be 33 this year and I've actually been thinking about running a marathon and stuff like that O_o

      Please don't

        I reckon go for, I know a bloke about that age who can run them, you just gotta make sure you talk to someone who knows what they're doing and do the right training beforehand

        That's good advice, I appreciate the concern.

        I frequent the gym and I run 5kms a time on the tread at a time plus I'm a habitual walker. I'm not some kind of health freak, but I'm fitter than almost everyone I know my age (I'm friends with a lot of gamers and nerds). So it's not some kind of 'shit I'm getting really chubby and unhealthy, a marathon will fix it' gesture, cause I wouldn't recommend the average 30-something office worker to jump into a marathon. Still, I don't think I could run the whole thing, I can see myself walking large parts of it.

        But it's scary how much that advertisement seemed to sum me up, the satire in GTA is generally very accurate.

          No probs :)

          I always find it weird that people call those who exercise more than once or twice a week 'health freaks'. Meanwhile, Australia has 60%+ overweight and obese people.

          Agree, GTA satire is great, looking forward to release.

            Agreed, exersizing regularly should be standard, not something that makes you a health nut. And the best satire should be 90% hilarious/ridiculous, and 10% stinging truth.


      Well they had bikes in other GTA's,.. but not like these ones... bunny-hopping over cars? Awesome! :)

    The Sims: Grand Theft Auto edition.

    I miss all the activities.. GTA:VC had a number of fun activities.. then SA gave us even more choices.. IV seemed to lack activities that hooked me into their individual mini-games. I'm not saying that IV didn't have activities because it did.. I just didn't feel the same sense of satisfaction and value to them as I did in VC and SA. So I am glad to see that V is going to bring back a lot more mini-games that will be fun to play in their own right. I loved that about SA.. you could do the main story stuff but also when you wanted a break from it, you could go do other stuff and it was just as enjoyable as the main game was.

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