I don't know where to begin with this, but it's hilarious. The state's attorney for a southern Chicago suburb on Thursday gathered middle school parents to urge an "economic boycott" of Grand Theft Auto, which has already made, like, a billion dollars. It sounds like a scared-straight lecture straight out of 1958.
The assembly took place at a junior high school in the morning, though from what I can tell it doesn't sound like any kids were present. Still, Jim Glasgow, state's attorney for Will County, Illinois, ran a six-minute highlight reel from Grand Theft Auto V and then gave the following sales pitch:
You determine how you're gonna kill the person. In what fashion, with what weapon, and they give you all the variety of weapons. And if you want, you can kill them with one weapon, and then shoot them with the next weapon, and then stab them with the next weapon and set 'em on fire, and do whatever you want. That's all available to you.
That's better than any E3 presentation I heard this year! You can set people on fire in this thing? Hell, I didn't know that! See for yourself!
"Many parents looked away or covered their eyes as the character blew the heads off of innocent women and police officers, killed a dog, and ran over others with a car," reports the Southtown Star, a zoned edition of the Chicago Sun-Times.
"As they left, parents asked for an evening session with elementary school parents," reported the Star. For what, protips on setting someone on fire? How do you do that, anyway? I haven't gotten to that part yet.
Read the link. It's amazing. If s D.A. in suburban Chicago wants to tell parents not to buy M-rated games for their minor children — which is a policy every sane person in video gaming, including those who made Grand Theft Auto V, already supports — then fine. It just all sounds like a ridiculous take on Reefer Madness or those V.D. films from health education class. Glasgow wants to create an even longer video scaring people away from these bad evil video games that are clearly marked not for sale to or consumption by children.
Still, I'm thinking there had to be at least one guy in the audience who was like "Wait, I can kill someone, then shoot 'em, then stab 'em? SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY."