Horse Racing Video Games Are Weird: Your Annual Melbourne Cup Reminder

It's Melbourne Cup day and this is your annual reminder that horse racing, in general, is pretty weird. Small men clamber on horses and whip their way around a track for the amusement of rich people in the stand wearing silly hats. But if you think real life is weird, with the Melbourne Cup and all, horse racing video games will blow your mind.

Alright, let's open with Japan World Cup 3. There are horses racing in this game. There's also a giant walrus. And a yeti.

This one uses incredible AI to simulate the greatest horses of all time. WATCH IN WONDER AS THEY INTELLIGENTLY RUN TOWARDS AN END GOAL.

This comes with the tagline 'ride the legend' and a soundtrack that wouldn't be out of place in a Transformers prequel.

This is just epic. I've got tears in my eyes...

This is... um. Yeah, this one is probably my favourite.

So yeah, horse racing! Whoo. I'm wearing an uncomfortable hat and I'm drunk!


    Oh man! @sughly and I once played the weirdest horse racing game at Time Zone on the Gold Coast. So, so weird.

      Is that the one where you basically have to dry hump the horse? Cause I've totally played that game.

        That sounds about right. We tried everything, couldn't get the horses to budge. We are no good at dry humping games.

          The real question is who won? You or the machine?

          When I was 14 years old I learned so much from that game.

        I think it's called Final Furlong. Fond memories of a mate of mine doing pretty well at it.

        Final Furlong!

        ...Damn, they guys I was about to link (horrible) footage of have since taken down the video.

        Cue DC saying "No, it isn't... What the hell are you talking about Serrels, you creep."

    Its basically a bunch of small men on horses. Where the small men all start hitting the horses at the same time to see which one will run faster. It sux but its a part of culture.

      You wouldn’t happen to be one of those people who thinks sports where men run into each other are “barbaric” would you?

      Big fan of “e-sports athletes”?

      Just wondering.

        You have nothing better to do than to repl. y to a year old comment? Alright, I'll bite.

        No I don't think they're barbaric. I think they're usually boring.

        You make it sound like it's only men running into each other. Do you do that? Do you wear a pan on your head while doing that?

        Also on e-sports. What about games like chess? do you consider chess to be a sport... or perhaps you are having trouble understanding that sports are a mental challenge as well, not just physical? You know that thing called brain activity? Ever heard of tactics? strategies?Ever heard of that?

        I can assume shit too. Check the date next time. I didn't really think people would reply to comments over a year old.

    You've got a real grudge against the ponys there Mark.

    That X1 game shown last just about convinced me to get a X1. Seriously, it looks like lots of fun.

    G1 Jockey was a friggin AWESOME game.

    I love the last video because it's so rare and rewarding to see a person have to work so hard at pretending to have fun.

    They're shit because there's no Epona and the Trifectorce of Power. #morebeerplease

    That last video is the worst abuse of a company employee since the Metro Cross box cover guy:

    Looks like he knows how silly he looks while doing it.

    Japan World Cup 3 is amazing - Dont know how i didnt see it before

    Last edited 05/11/13 11:18 pm

    I wrote a horseracing game when I was about 14 on the Atari 400, my younger brother and his friends used to play it constantly, really weird, they loved the bloody thing.

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