Reporter Josh Mattingly has apologised for making “inappropriate” comments to a female game developer after they were made public earlier today, saying he was drunk. Kotaku has learned that the journalist involved in this conversation was Josh Mattingly, the founder and CEO of the indie gaming website IndieStatik.
Earlier this afternoon, game designer Laralyn McWilliams posted a blurred Facebook conversation from January 18 in which a male reporter asked a female game developer — a friend of McWilliams — about an unannounced game. The conversation, which you can read in its entirely at the bottom of this post, quickly turned crude, as the reporter sent messages like “I will kiss you on the vagina if you do” and “Let me know if you need a penis for anything in the [near] future.”
When reached on the phone by Kotaku, Mattingly pointed us to his blog, where he apologised this evening. “There has been a recent situation that I regretfully put myself into involving a woman who I consider a friend in the industry,” he wrote. “I want to take a moment to sincerely apologise for the way I acted and the words that were exchanged.”
You can read the full conversation right here:
And here’s Mattingly’s full apology:
There has been a recent situation that I regretfully put myself into involving a woman who I consider a friend in the industry. I want to take a moment to sincerely apologize for the way I acted and the words that were exchanged. I am mortified by my behavior as it was not only completely inappropriate, but it was fueled by alcohol and depression. My younger brother committed suicide last year and ever since then I haven’t been myself. A tragedy like that is something I hope no one has to endure. Even though I’m aware that alcoholism runs in my family, I have been using it to cope with the pain that I feel every day. It’s compounded my depression and clearly clouded my common sense and dignity.
Contrary to what I drunkenly typed, I have nothing but respect for this person. She has always been a positive ray of sunshine and I got very carried away in a conversation that I never should have started. Just because someone is nice to me doesn’t mean I can act inappropriately or say whatever I want to them. Especially since I have been such an advocate of women in games and treating everyone with the same level of respect and decency. I was a complete hypocrite and I am more mad at myself than anyone else will ever be with me. Since the other night, I have taken the steps to get into therapy to deal with the loss of my brother as well as regular AA meetings to deal with my self destruction.
I want to be perfectly clear, I’m not using my brother as a scapegoat to give me cart blanche or excuse my behavior. I know that women in the industry have to deal with these sorts of things every day and I hate myself for adding to it. What I did was completely wrong and something that I, myself, take responsibility for. I only bring up my own depression and loss to try to find the root of my poor choices.
Once again, I am terribly sorry. All I’ve ever wanted to be is a positive influence and I let my metal health and alcohol abuse get the best of me.
-JoshP
LD
Comments
108 responses to “Reporter Apologises For Crude Sexual Comments To Female Game Developer”
Well, that was horrifying…
If I was her, I don’t think it would have been long before I told him to piss off.
And I don’t think much of his apology either.
At least the apology is better than the usual “I’m sorry she was offended”
Its so awkward and weird, its like the sort-of-but-not-quiet jokes a 15 year old makes when they are trying to hit on a girl but they aren’t sure if it’ll work so they are really awkward about it to play it off as a joke
He mentions his brother as the reason for his douchebaggery and then later tells the reader that it is not his reason douchebaggery, it can’t be both. Also, I don’t care if you got drunk and typed it, that just means that you always thought about saying/doing/douchebaggery those same actions but sobriety held you back.
Guy sounds terrible, even when I try to make sleazy jokes I sound nowhere near as bad as this is.
Basically he’s admitting personal responsibility. His brother’s death has thrown him off balance and made him more inclined to act in an irresponsible / douchebag fashion; he’s given this as an explanation, not as an excuse.
Many people would stop at that point and say “That explains it, it’s not my responsibility.” A hell of a lot of people would say “it’s the drink talking”, pretending that this somehow absolves them of responsibility (rather than making it worse because they deliberately put themselves into a position where they’re more likely to do such things). There are millions of guys who go out drinking each night and use the drink as an excuse in such a fashion.
He’s being upfront and admitting yes, this is a problem, and it’s HIS problem, there’s no excuse.
I wouldn’t say this absolves him somehow, but as apologies go it’s probably above average. No rationalisation, just an admission of fault, and the steps he’s taking towards fixing the problem.
I just think that if his brothers death is not the reason then I don’t need to know about. Mentioning it purposely garners sympathy as it has with many commenters on this site, so he obviously did it as a strategic and it has been a success for his own ends.
What the actual fuck? On what planet, in which universe could any one think that acting like a sleazy douche bag is acceptable in any circumstance that requires even a semblance of professionalism? Oh, it was the drink talking. Bullshit. In the US, that’s the number one excuse for people in any kind of limelight who’re looking for a get out of jail free card after they’ve been caught doing something dickish and want to avoid taking responsibility for their behaviour.
If he is in fact dealing with depression and alcoholism, I hope this is the catalyst for him seeking solid professional help for his problems. He mentioned he was going to. When people who aren’t legitimately suffering from these problems use them as a defence, it makes it harder for every genuine sufferer.
Agreed. If true, best of luck to him in his recovery because both those conditions suck. If not, if it is just an excuse, then that’s a different story…
Everyone makes mistakes man. At least he apologised. Hopefully he’s learnt from it. Otherwise what’s the alternative? Jail time? Being run out of time.
There’s a lot of total douches out there who do much worse than this in person and never apologise for anything.
Oh come on, this happens literally every day thousands of times in bars and pubs and parties around the world. The only difference here is that it happened publicly and the guy has the opportunity to apologise publicly. Yes, things like this are excusable by alcohol, because at the end of the day we’re talking about a private facebook conversation. Had he killed this woman and blamed it on the drink, I’d be listening to you, but for christ’s sake dude, it’s a few words. A huge percentage of the population has made the same mistake and regretted it.
What more do you want him to do? Do you think he should be arrested or something? He apologized, that’s pretty much exactly what any reasonable person would expect him to do.
No, things like this are not excusable in any professional or semi-professional setting or relationship. It may have been a private conversation, but it was with an industry associate, not a close colleague, as though this is somehow even okay to spam your female buddies with unwanted sexual advances. If you had a staffer at an xmas party going on a racist tirade because a few drinks ‘loosened’ their tongue, you can guarantee they would be facing some kind of punitive administrative action or dismissal. Lewd or unwanted sexual advances would be no different. If this happened in sports or politics, he’d be being forced to fall on his sword right now. But as I said earlier, its a different matter if he’s facing emotional or substance abuse issues, its just hard to give him the benefit of the doubt with the ‘drunk’ excuse considering how often dickish behaviour is excused with the aforementioned excuses. Its also especially frustrating to see a gaming journalist/indie gaming figure act like this when the industry is trying to shed the ‘boys club’ image the industry suffers from and claim the credibility the industry deserves. I wouldn’t wish his problems on anyone (especially in regards to his brother), but unfortunately, the industry is unforgiving as are its opponents. Respect is hard won and all too easily lost, and when others point out the flaws in the industry, this is the kind of crap that will be near the top of the list.
Never said it was excusable. I said “what more do you expect him to do?”. You’re acting like he’s gotten off lightly and should be burnt at the stake. He’s probably being criticised and shunned by almost everyone he works with, and is lucky he hasn’t been sacked, not to mention that his mistake has ended up with the video game media covering it as well. He probably hates himself right now.
*Queue usual cliche sob story
I’d honestly prefer a “Hey, Im really a giant asshole and a terrible human being”
It would be refreshing for people to own up and take responsibility for their actions when they screw up, rather than just blaming anything and everything else. Of course, having said that, I don’t know this guy’s circumstances, so I suppose we should give him the benefit of the doubt?
I agree on most parts, but if you cant separate professional and personal lives , perhaps its time for a change
We have all suffered personal tragedies, some more than others, but never once, have I stooped so low as to be as low as this pitiful example of a modern, civilised, human being
Man I’m glad you’ve never made a mistake. Me and alcohol? We have made quite a few together. I don’t drink much these days. But I don’t blame the booze. I’m a flawed human being who makes mistakes. But I have learnt from them.
“What I did was completely wrong and something that I, myself, take responsibility for. I only bring up my own depression and loss to try to find the root of my poor choices.”
Sounds to me like he *is* owning up and taking responsibility.
Huh. Even the staunchest there’s-no-sexism-in-gaming type would have trouble spinning this to sound like a harmless quip to which no apology is owed, or deflecting by throwing out accusations of white-kniting. Let’s see if anyone tries.
But he did apologise. And know he has to deal with the embarrassment of those fairly bizarre comments on top of the grief from losing a brother to suicide. That level of trauma can make people do some strange things. I don’t see where it says he refused to apologise or acknowledge the wrongness of his actions. And wizz-fizz: I think it’s extremely harsh to call his statement a “cliche” and “sob story”. Depression and substance abuse brought about by a family member’s suicide is not a poor excuse. “I was drunk” is a poor excuse, but he follows up to explain the reasons behind it. I think the whole thing is very sad.
I think you misunderstood my comment.
Sorry, I’m not being a smart-ass, but could you tell me what you did mean? I read it as essentially saying: “Under no circumstances can this behaviour ever be excused”.
Was that right? If so, I think it’s an overreaction. What he said was crude and inappropriate. However, reading the log of that chat, there’s no indication that the lady involved was immediately offended to either end the chat, or make a comment right there and then. THere are emoticons from her in the chat even after he’s made some odd “dirty talk” (more like strangely matter-of-fact inappropriate talk! I don’t think I’ve seen the word “vagina” used in lewd comments before…) which give the impression that she’s willing to carry on the conversation and overlook the stupid stuff he’s saying.
I just think that this, in comparison to other cases of sexual harassment we’ve seen in articles of late is a much more open-and-closed case. Bad things were said, apologies were made willingly. And I’m surprised at the hatred that some people are pouring out into these comments. Why add more to something that appears to be done with?
I’m not being a smartass either. I didn’t know how to type “I think you misunderstood my
comment” without it sounding jerky.
I’m not trying to put hate on the guy, good on him for apologising and as someone who’s dealt with substance abuse and depression and anxiety I hope he gets himself sorted out.
I was more talking to the people who come into these articles ready to have a closed mind.
Also, I wouldn’t take her silence on the matter as her being ok with it. If you scroll down you can read a massive story I have about a similar situation a friend of mine experienced. There’s so much context and information we don’t have to be able to make the claim that she was ok with it. Different people react really differently when put in uncomfortable situations. What may be normal to you is not the case for another person and vice versa.
Cool. Thanks for replying and helping me better understand 🙂
We probably won’t know what she was thinking when she read his comments, but it’s possible that she just chose to ignore them in the hope of moving on with the conversation. I know I’ve been in a similar position when chatting with people online who I thought were alright, but then they say something hugely inappropriate. I gave them the benefit of the doubt and overlooked such comments in the hope it was a one off or there was something else going on that I wasn’t aware of (like this guy has mentioned something about depression and alcohol abuse). She could have been doing the same thing. Of course, in my experience it’s not just a one off and they actually turn out to be complete creeps once you get to know them…
Oooooooor, you could just be a responsible adult and deal with your shit properly and not have to apologise in the first place. I’m a heavily depressed person who has dealt with heavy shit in the last 6 months and I haven’t gone around sexually harassing people.
Nor have I. But I’m not you, and you’re not the guy in the article. So why make comparisons? By doing so it makes you seem that you’re placing yourself above others. When someone says “I also but I never “, it comes across to me as someone simply expressing that they feel superior to someone else.
Because nothing this guy says excuses the fact that he said some pretty gross things to this woman without any invitation in this conversation. “Sorry, I was drunk and depressed”, isn’t an apology and it isn’t an acceptable excuse.
I thought white-knighting was starting a crusade when there isn’t one, i just don’t see anyone crusading… It doesn’t help your cause when you start attacking fictional people when no one has done anything yet. “Cue the usual…” sort of comments are totally useless and regressive and being dismissive to either side of any argument is also terribly bad. My problem is that people dismiss legitimate contradictions, discrimination and hypocrisy because they believe so much in gender equality that simply standing to one side is doing a world of good. It doesn’t; having a clear head about the issue and refraining from blind support is the only way forward.
I think demonising this guy is completely wrong because it does nothing. It creates hatred, resentment and a muddying of the issue. It simply cannot be our knee-jerk response. Just like capital punishment doesn’t stop serial killers, we need to educate and change the tone of young and old males in society but it needs to come from them. An out-of-sight, out-of-mind approach with a drizzle of dismissiveness and venom is a horribly antiquated solution.
Cheers, nicely put.
Yeah, very well said. Better than I could express it!
Is this about ‘gaming’ or just about a guy being a douche? I fail to see how the industry in which he works has anything to do with his behaviour.
It wouldn’t if this wasn’t endemic to his industry, as most any woman involved in it can attest. There’s only so many times you can say ‘This is just an isolated incident’ before people realize it is NOT an isolated incident. Which it is not.
“I’ll kiss you on the vagina”
confirmed beta fgt
Assuming that this was a conversation between friends talking shop (as opposed to “facebook friends”) I can’t help but feel that it was somewhat inappropriate for McWilliams to post the conversation (even if identifying details are blurred out). She certainly shouldn’t be made to suffer in silence, but on the same note I would have thought that as friends, it would have been more appropriate to approach him directly about his behaviour, or at least call him out, rather than publish everything on a public forum.
Additionally, Mattingly bringing up his depression and alcoholism first detracts from the sincerity of the apology, particularly as it’s the first thing that gets addressed in his apology.
Kami, I agree that bringing up the convesation publicly after the fact – in which she seems to be quite civil towards him even after the lewd comments, rather than immediately quitting the chat or telling to fuck off – was a little strange.
But, how does bringing up depression and alcoholism detract from the apology. I’m pretty surprised at how much people are slamming this guy. He said stupid things to someone. He acknowledged it publicly. He will face tonnes of criticism. He’s already in a bad place. WHat do you want him to do? Whip himself? Kill himself?
I think by bringing up the depression almost immediately, it looks like he is trying to absolve himself of his acts (even though he protests to the contrary) and therefore be less responsible for his actions.
what would I want? Just an apology. With the benefit of hindsight,i think his apology should have been something more like:
There has been a recent situation that I regretfully put myself into involving a woman who I consider a friend in the industry. I want to take a moment to sincerely apologize for the way I acted and the words that were exchanged. I am mortified by my behavior as it was completely inappropriate.
Contrary to what I drunkenly typed, I have nothing but respect for this person. She has always been a positive ray of sunshine and I got very carried away in a conversation that I never should have started. Just because someone is nice to me doesn’t mean I can act inappropriately or say whatever I want to them. Especially since I have been such an advocate of women in games and treating everyone with the same level of respect and decency. I was a complete hypocrite and I am more mad at myself than anyone else will ever be with me. Since the other night, I have taken the steps to get into therapy to deal with the loss of my brother as well as regular AA meetings to deal with my self destruction.
I know that women in the industry have to deal with these sorts of things every day and I hate myself for adding to it. What I did was completely wrong and something that I, myself, take responsibility for.
Once again, I am terribly sorry. All I’ve ever wanted to be is a positive influence and I let my metal health and alcohol abuse get the best of me.
-JoshP
I don’t see it as an excuse, I see it as an explanation. I’d generally like an explanation with any apology someone gives, because any time someone does something wrong or hurtful my first thought it always ‘but why?’. Everything has a context and a reason and understanding both the context and the reason behind any action guides how I choose to react to it.
I don’t see anything at all wrong with his apology. This sort of thing isn’t a witch hunt, people shouldn’t be condemned forever for doing the wrong thing. What’s important is that they understand that it was wrong, they understand why it was wrong, and they understand what factors contributed to them doing the wrong thing so they can address them. It sounds to me like he’s got all three of those things checked off the list, and that’s all that I think can reasonably be expected of an apology.
How old is this guy? I thought it’d be along the lines of sleazy chatup lines but no, it’s what I’d expect a 15 year old COD kid to come up with.
although I’ll poke fun at the fact that he has “metal health”
Drunk eh?
I’ve been drunk before, too. Never crudely propositioned anyone like a vile dickhead though.
Alcohol isn’t the cause of his shitty behaviour. Nor is it an excuse. Alcohol doesn’t turn people into dickheads if they’re dickheads already.
He is a crude, inappropriate idiot who shouldn’t be allowed to talk to people without adult supervision.
A drunk mans mouth is a sober mans mind. Pure and simple.
“Alcohol doesn’t turn people into dickheads”
Say what?
being drunk doesn’t change who you are. it loosens your control & sense of restraint.
like I said, if you act like a dickhead when you’re drunk, it’s more than likely you were a dickhead to begin with.
“Being drunk doesn’t change who you are”. No, but it makes you say, do and shag things you would never dream of in a sober state.
gotta disagree there.
being drunk doesn’t change who you are, it just exaggerates it.
Loud people get louder, flirty people get flirtier, mopey people get mopeier (totally a word), aggressive people get aggressiver (totally not a word).
I 100% agree with you. Alcohol does exaggerate who you are. It lowers your inhibitions. It causes parts of you that might be in control or mild to exaggerate. A person with anger issues is suddenly getting into fights or king-hitting people, a flirty person is suddenly acting like a porn star, a person with repressed sexual feelings or a dirty sense of humour is suddenly crudely propositioning people. It doesn’t mean those people were horrible people to begin with, it just means they have personal flaws (which we all have). And you’re also right in saying it is never an excuse.
Exactly the type of attitude @35 is calling out. Mattingly throws around “i’m sorry, i was drunk” as if it should absolve him from direct blame. Alcohol doesn’t *make* anybody do anything. It lowers your inhibitions, it’s hardly psychotropic or mind-altering. Claiming it *makes* you do something is effectively denying responsibility for your actions.
You’re making assumptions about why Josh mentioned alcohol and the death of his brother that are contrary to what he actually wrote in his apology.
I wouldn’t suggest it makes you do anything. And I wouldn’t suggest being drunk absolves you of any responsibility. If you out the grog in your mouth, you’re still just as responsible for your actions.
Depression?! Alcohol?! No, you’re just a dick.
Not that i’m defending Mattingly at all, but it is clear from the conversation (and confirmed in Mattingly’s apology) that the two people in the conversation have a history with each other. I have some things that I regularly say to my friends that would seem pretty strange to people who did not understand the context. I think it is noteworthy that the person who made this public was a friend of the person, not the person themselves.
I was thinking about mentioning this too. It’s obviously not appropriate for a public forum like Facebook which will attract an audience beyond the participants in the discussion, but I saw no indication in the posted excerpt that either party was uncomfortable with the direction of the discussion.
I don’t think her unwillingness to confront him about it is a sign she was comfortable with it. I used to work in the music industry where sexism runs rampant and women are talked to sexually all the time. I remember a sound guy at a large festival telling a female singer to push the levels “sing as loud as you can, let me hear you orgasm”.
Nobody blinked an eye and the singer didn’t say a word. But her compliance and lack of immediate complaint doesn’t make it ok and it does not mean she wasn’t incredibly uncomfortable.
This is true. I think what I was getting at isn’t that it was okay. There’s clearly a big fuck-up here.
It’s just that we can’t judge until we have all the facts. And those facts aren’t forthcoming.
Some food for thought.
My best friend in the whole world went to get a full body massage. She assumed it didn’t include the genitals, as did I. Afterwards she told me the experience was weird and that the masseuse rubbed her breasts and even massaged her vagina. I asked her if she was ok with it and she said she wasn’t sure and the whole thing was confusing. After about 15 minutes she was in tears and felt violated and horrible. She could not stop crying.
Naturally I asked her why she didn’t say anything during the massage. She told me that when the guy started going to her nether regions she immediately had a rush of adrenaline, her mind was immediately choked with fear, she immediately thought “what if this is a part of ‘full body massage’” and she didn’t know if this was something she’d agreed on or not. She laid there, frightened, not wanting to embarrass herself or embarrass the therapist so she just accepted it. She had no idea if she was being massaged or raped and she was frozen with fear about the whole thing. All the while her heart was pounding and she was filled with fear and adrenaline. Basically she was in shock at the whole situation.
After the shock wore off she hated it, withdrew and felt violated. I did some research and yeah, you can’t go where the guy did in a massage unless you agree and sign stuff, which wasn’t the case here (and massaging the vagina is pretty much completely illegal). She contacted the police and they arrested the guy and in the lead up to the court case the detective repeatedly warned my friend that the defence would attack her because she didn’t protest during the offense and that she just lie there. He wanted her to be prepared for what she was going to face in court. They would argue that her silence implied consent. I sat with my friend during her shame and tears and depression and I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that silence does not imply consent, not at all.
She eventually agreed to drop the case because she didn’t want to sit in front of the courtroom and be accused of being an attention seeker liar and the like, she’d been through enough trauma. She was satisfied that the guy was no longer able to massage (touching sexual organs is illegal in a massage parlour after all and he lost his license as a result), she didn’t care if he was charged with rape or not, she was just happy knowing that the guy was not going to get his hands over anymore frightened girl’s sexual organs.
So yeah, some girls say nothing out of fear and adrenaline. There’s many reasons a girl might be mute when faced with inappropriate sexual advances other than consent. Fear, professionalism, or just plain adrenaline of being in a situation you don’t want to be in.
I’m not arguing against you or anything, just putting this stuff out there for people to think about.
Thanks for putting up that very, very sad incident. As a man who hasn’t been abused or put into uncomfortable situations I can’t pretend to know what it would be like, or how I’d handle it. It really upsets me – stories like that, of people abusing their positions. I’ve had a bad experience with a psychiatrist during a time at which I was vulnerable. My response was to get extremely angry, but I managed to control myself. I know that my thing and what happened to your friend are different in many ways, but to be manipulated or abused during a vulnerable moment is a horrible feeling.
Sorry to hear about your experience bro.
Most of us men do have trouble identifying with being in a vulnerable position, at first I had no idea why my friend didn’t speak up and I didn’t understand that feeling until some time later when I found myself in a situation which could be considered an analogue to this situation.
I was on a bus, and you’ve probably heard a similar story like this, and some guy started going full-racist-mode on a middle eastern type guy (what is it with public transport and racism?). My first response was silence, I sat there and pretended not to notice and I could feel adrenaline pumping through me. But I sat frozen. I think it’s fight or flight instincts. The incident passed and I was so ashamed I didn’t get involved because I hate racism. And I would assume that every person also sitting silently probably deplored the racist guy’s behaviour. But our silence was to representative or our acceptance or consent.
It’s not exactly the same thing, but it’s food for thought.
Now if you’ll permit me an epilogue. A little while ago I absolved myself of my shame by standing up for a fast food worker who was being treated extremely rudely by a guy. I stood up to him and told him to calm down and people nodded with me and the guy left. It felt great. And just before Christmas I was in a long servo line when a woman started yelling abuse about how long it was taking (the line had ground to a halt when someone ordered a coffee). So I turned around and asked her to calm down and offered her to go in front of me and she actually apologised.
If feels really good to calmly and politely assert yourself on someone else’s behalf and often if there’s a crowd present they’ll will back you up. Ever since that day of sitting silently through the racist tirade I’ve learned not to let the opportunity to come to someone’s aid pass me by cause the regret stings. I recommend it.
THIS. Bravo. Same here… that shame follows you. Even if it’s only the one time, you always wonder… what must those poor people think, now? Why couldn’t I have shown them it’s not how we all feel?
So yeah, though it’s unrelated to article, I would exhort all others to stand up when they see horrific racism/sexism on display, being used to abuse people.
Stand up. “Hey. That’s enough.” All it takes. You can be the trigger others need to stand with you. I’ve done it. You are rarely alone in your disapproval – people may have different takes on what’s ‘right’, but everyone knows what respect looks like. (Just don’t be self-righteously outrageous and aggressive about it, or you WILL be alone, making your potential supporters uncomfortable. Uh… also it might not hurt to be a fit and healthy male of slightly above-average height.)
@transientmind
It’s really scary huh? When it first happened it took a long time before I was able to act, at first I had to process my emotions, my anger, my fear, my adrenaline. As the situation unfolds, it doesn’t wait for you to make up your mind, it happens quick. The clock is ticking while you go through your internal processing of the situation. So, I completely understand why most people sit by and say nothing. I wouldn’t begrudge people for being shy or just plain afraid. Along with you, I definitely encourage people to give it a shot if they find themselves in that situation.
Going to pull a double-devil’s advocate here, if that was the case wouldn’t there have been a joint statement saying “harmless flirting in a private conversation, nothing to see here” instead of his statement that said “What I did was completely wrong”
Or he would just screen cap previous flirtatious conversations they’d shared.
The dude had to apologise, since he was trapped. A female friend of the female spread it (with or without permission?) around as a showcase of “wow look at the shit we females have to endure in games industry”.
You certainly might be right. Or the apology could have been an attempt to defuse some of these type of articles. We just don’t know the truth.
Seems pretty obvious to me that there was previous flirting going on, even more now that she’s going through a divorce. Add in: the guy communicates via phone,; via FB, very unofficial; calls her a pretty lady in the second message with no visible problems from her; and has known her for a while… Seems like some casual in-between-the-lines flirting got slightly out of hand due to being drunk. Whether that’s acceptable or not is up to you, but IMO it’s not something to get crazy about. In any case, there is no protest from the female.
What I’d like to find out, is why the hell McWilliams posted the screenshot in the first place? I am sure the female in the convo could anonymously post it if she wished to. How did McWilliam even get the screenshot? Maybe it was a “lol look at this dude, he wants my V” kinda convo, and McWilliams was instantly repulsed and took it upon herself to shame the guy.
I’d also like to point out that the blurred out area is highly suspicious. It’s posted the next morning, is very lengthy, and could very well be an apology considering the next “hope you have a nice sunday!” remark. All in all, this whole thing screams suspicion.
I’m sorry, but you cannot make those assumptions from a few lines of text. The method of contact, the things said etc do not point to them being flirtatious, having known each other for a long time, being close friends etc. and you can’t interpret her failure to reprimand him as her being comfortable with his behaviour.
You could spin this a million ways if you want. Perhaps he has threatened her in the past physically, or maybe he’s implied that he’ll roast her game if she doesn’t comply, maybe she’s scared and doesn’t know how to respond to this threatening and over-bearing man. There’s no limit to the ways you could paint either as the villain.
Well then, we also can’t make assumptions that he was harassing her. *shrugs* I guess we can delete this article from existence and move on.
Edit: the full non-blurred convo is below. I stand by my opinions in 1st post and actually put more weight on the ‘friend’ just being a bitch seeking some attention.
When you describe it as your opinion, I’m completely cool with that. I only opposed you when you described it as obvious that things were a certain way. The idea that this woman’s friend has basically trapped this guy into apologising for being a sleeze is certainly plausible. And that’s an interesting conversation to have about men being guilty until proven innocent, after all an unaccompanied child is not allowed to sit next to a man on an airplane in case he’s a pedophile. If a woman cries rape a guy can have his integrity ruined in a second.
But like I said, their method of contact, the things said etc do not conclusively prove they have a history of friendship or flirting (which he could probably prove) or that she was comfortable with his comments.
Oh no, those things I mentioned of course do not conclusively prove anything. But, they deserve a mention as I believe it shifts the balance into “things are not as they first seem”.
Indeed, sucks about the guilty until proven innocent.
Yup, try being a guy working in childcare, while women in the industry are stoked to have men in the ranks (more male employees equals higher pay) parents have a subtle layer of sexism and some of them think the worst about you. It’s SO degrading. Sexism is a bitch.
And yeah, we always have to examine what is reported and published in the media and not jump on the bandwagon and grab the torches and pitch-forks.
Granted this is pretty fucked and their is no excuse for that language, but it seems that they knew each other quite well and this was a “private” conversation on facebook chat or pm?
I dont know many people who would mention a divorce when greeting a reporter or someone they didnt really know.
Also why did the friend show it to the public, and not the woman herself?
Something fishy here.
I agree, if the original girl was so repulsed by this, why did she continue the convo on for so long? What happened to innocent until proven guilty?
Damn he can type pretty good for being drunk. Only 1 typo! (which was corrected!) Nice…
Also it seems like theres a bit of history here… Obviously theres more to it than the story is letting on… the two sound like ‘lovers’ and he’s just trying to get laid one last time (and shes not really interested) or something. Thats how it reads anyway. Could be wrong.
Hey now, I’ve always been a grammar nerd, even my SMS communications have proper apostrophes and punctuation and I never abbreviate. You should see my drunken texts, while they about ridiculous things, they read as if penned by Shakespeare himself.
lol Man i’m the opposite. I can barely string together a cohesive sentence let alone get the spelling or grammar right.
For some reason, it’s part of my brain that keeps working really well under the influence.
Heh. I’ve always been a stickler that way, too.
Also, someone recently taught my Dad ‘hw 2 sms spk’. I think very unkind thoughts about them.
You should write them a stern letter, making sure that none of the sentences end with prepositions. That’ll teach them.
Heh, OK, burn. My grammar is atrocious, it’s really only the spelling and punctuation I’m a stickler for.
I have English major friends who call me ‘dangling participle man’, and even though I’ve tried multiple times to grok the concept, and I think I’ve got it, I genuinely can’t think of any times I’ve committed that crime.
I’ll bite…it’s not *always* ungrammatical to end a sentence in a preposition…
Though in this case @transientmind could have said “I too have always been a stickler…” it’s not neccessarily more correct, especially in an informal conversation.
But in a stern letter …
Indeed, in a stern letter it would be most appropriate.
Stole my comment! (about the typing, I noticed the same thing – it was perfect for a drunk guy and he even fixed his mistake)
EDIT: Nevermind, reading comprehension fail.
If they were friends, I don’t know why she didn’t just tell him he was an asshole, his comments were inappropriate and unfriended him. I really don’t know why she needed to make it all public.
Also, his messages are so incredibly offensive that they come across as bizarre. I doubt alcohol was a major factor but I don’t doubt mental health issues would be. I have plenty of female friends that have relayed to me inappropriate things that guys have said to them, these messages are about 10 times more blatant. If these messages weren’t completely out of character, I’m surprised we haven’t heard about him a long time ago.
2 friends have a conversation with sexual innuendo, Quick call the police, and wont someone please think of the children
To me this isnt a ‘Game Industry’ thing, and I am not denying there is sexism in the industry. Its more an idiot being inappropriate in a forum he should know better than. Just because they discussed a ‘game industry’ topic does not make it a ‘game industry’ problem.
full chat. damn this guy has issues.
http://i.imgur.com/kQ6XlXZ.png
“Are you tipsy? :P” We have confirmation, the flirting is acceptable.
Now with the blurred text being visible, it’s obvious he’s cringe-worthy but even more obvious that no crime occured.
Unless, of course, you want to white-knight and say she never said “yes you have full permission to continue along this subject”…
Let’s assume that because she never asked him to stop, she wanted it.
Well let’s assume that she didn’t want him to stop, which is why she never said anything.
Look, anything is possible, but why are you defending her? She had a voice, she should use it.
I’m not defending her. As I said before I’m just saying that we can’t accurately divine what either of their intentions were and make solid claims.
Like you said, anything is possible, nothing is confirmed. *Pulls on assassin hood and free runs away*
lmfao @ reference. Nice. Good day, sir. 🙂
That’s make a great PR stunt for anytime journos try and get information about a game you’re working on.
You are right. Absolutely. Similar scenario happened to me. I was out late one night being pestered by a drunk dude. I tried to laugh with him, ignore what he said, hoping he would go away. Trying not to stir his aggression up. But he punched me in the head anyway. It was my fault completely. I didn’t tell him not to punch me in the head.
But anyway, what this guy said is completely appropriate, try it. Ask a female shop assistant for some coffee and offer her a kiss on the vagina. If she says nothing, then it’s fine. Keep doing it. Try it on any female you see. They’ll understand that no crime has occurred.
I’m not convinced ‘Are you tipsy? :P’ is enough confirmation that it was acceptable, an emoticon is hardly conclusive. I react pretty much the same way when I get out-of-the blue inappropriate comments from guys on facebook (think random dick pics). It’s just easier to ignore/distract from the sleaze than to directly confront it.
But like you alluded to before, context is relevant. She may have been open to flirting on previous occasions, which could justify his comments on this occasion.
This is even more weird to read. Made all the stranger with the lady not even commenting on his bizarre messages. At the very least I’d think she would laugh it off? I don’t know what to think.
This actually happens a lot. A lot of folks who hate confrontation, when they’re uncomfortable will just close up and hope that the other party will take the hint that they’re not responding to the advances and are being totally professional. It’s a textbook sexual harassment example.
Funny how people still try and implicate the girl in part of the blame, even if just slightly:
..she should’ve called him out
..they sound like lovers
..there was history
etc.
According to her twitter account, it wasn’t her. She posted for a friend. The 2 in the conversation had met each other twice at events but no history. She was trying to ignore the comments hoping he didn’t get aggressive
edit: duplicate post
The guy clearly has issues, but I kind of like the line “Let me know if you need a penis for anything”
Anything?
Yeah, haha. It’s like, even if you were drunk, surely you could have done better than that.
I kind of feel like we’re still missing a chunk of conversation, and this second unblurred image has only been put out now to make things worse for this guy.
His last two responses are the next day, and the first one starts off as “I know.” as if he is replying to something that was said in between his last idiotic “vagina beating the bag” comment and his appallingly pathetic following response. The first sentence ending with ‘afterall’ as disgraceful as it is also kind of seems like it’s leading on from some prior discussion where she has addressed his advances (either positively or negatively) and there has been a bit of back and forth about it that’s cut from the image.
Also: 😛 = flirting. Especially when confronted with blatant advances like that.
Urrrrgh. So much wrong.
I mean, OK, sure… even if we play devil’s advocate and say there was something there prior. Let’s say…. OK, private conversation, on facebook (the new flirt tool, apparently), and apparently a bit of history together? Obviously enough that she’s bringing up the divorce when he mentions ‘pretty lady’. That’s not a bad sign, actually. You could make a tentative move.
“Kiss your vagina,” is not a ‘tentative’ move. It’s sitting on the glass coffee table and shredding your ass in glass.
If we were being exceptionally generous that probably could’ve been any other regular couple of friends in the same industry exploring a tentative flirtation/relationship beginning… up until the point where he escalates so far past reasonable, so fast, and gets completely ignored.
That’s a BAD sign, guy. Brought up sexystuff and no bite? Not even an acknowledgement? She’s gone dead cold and professional only? You goofed. Abort, abort.
But no, he ignores how badly he’s failed, AND REPEATS his failure, then in a bid to ante up instead of changing tack or writing the exercise off, he goes and crosses a line. Or multiple lines.
Crossed the line enough that it stopped being cute/pathetic into actually offensive/worrying enough for someone to violate normal boundaries by publishing a private conversation, because I’m guessing by that point fear for safety outweighed respect for privacy.
People should still be allowed to flirt and make approaches, but Jesus…. 1) have a little class and 2) know when to take a hint.
In my circle of friends we can be a lot vulgar and to us that’s fine and no one would be offended but in a professional environment that may be crossing the line a little, mind you the females I know would prob put this guy to shame lol
Suckers, note the responses (or lack thereof). This is obviously a media drum-up, done 21st Century styles. Playing on your righteousness, and getting the attention they are wanting. I reiterate: SUCKERS!
I don’t really know what to think. I don’t have enough facts to comfortably have a proper opinion on the subject, so I will post some random thoughts.
Here is the full conversation, courtesy of @zetrox2k: http://i.imgur.com/kQ6XlXZ.png
I have watched some of Mattingly’s content and I liked it, so my thoughts may be biased because of it.
The rest of the post should not have been blurred. The censoring just makes it harder to get a good picture. Laralyn actually censored way more than she should have. She claims that she only censored the really explicit parts. This is not true. There is one bit that is quite explicit, but it is surrounded by a wall of text that is really important for context.
I have nothing but sympathy for the woman that was subjected from this. She has done no wrong. However, I regard Laralyn McWilliams with heavy suspicion. I suspect some sort of agenda. The censoring is just way too extreme for it to benefit anyone but herself.
It is interesting that the really explicit line is 6 hours after everything else. Was he still drunk in the morning? It’s really quite odd.
I can’t help but feel somewhat sorry for Josh Mattingly. He ruined his career in one fell swoop. He was beginning to gain respect and indie cred, then whoosh. Guys an idiot and probably an ass, though.
I wonder about the effects this will have for Mattingly’s career in the future. I doubt indie developers are going to accept an interview with him from now on. I wonder whether his associates at Polaris are going to continue to do collaborations with him. I don’t see him appearing on the Co-optional Podcast anytime soon. I wonder whether he going to continue doing “The Greenlight” with Jesse Cox.
I am probably too easily manipulated, but Mattingly’s apology seems genuine, at least to an extent. Let’s see whether he does apply to Alcoholics Anonymous, (I doubt that it would be publicly announced, though) only then will I believe that his alcoholism is as serious as he says.
Is this a sign of “sexism in the industry?” No. It is completely unrelated to gaming as a whole.
i think the main issue is that this wasnt a social interaction. in fact it was one professional approaching another professional for assistance in an investigative piece. she is clearly caught off guard by his comments and intentionally tries to avoid them.