Just Be Glad Your Cat Isn’t Wolverine

Just Be Glad Your Cat Isn’t Wolverine

Cats can be meddlesome on their own — they scratch things, destroy couches and get just about everywhere you don’t want them to. Now imagine if they had Adamantium claws.

Count your lucky stars that X-Men Origins: Wolverine Cat isn’t the reality you live in. I mean, sure it’s a pain in the arse to get a new sofa or clean up a broken plate, but at least you don’t have to buy a new house.

Cyclops Cat is still worse though.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine Cat via Tastefully Offensive


  • Forget how much damage they could do to your property, imagine what it would be like when they decided it would be fun to jump on you and knead you with their claws.

    • “I demand attention human! Look at me!!” all the while blood is gushing out in all directions.

  • My cat doesn’t need Wolverine claws. Just her arsehole, and my bathroom sink.
    I’ve tried everything.

    • That’s really messed up

      Have you tried citrus? Apparently they hate the stuff. Get some citrus centred cleaner and clean your sink.

    • My cat did this when I moved to my old house. Apparently cats can just one day decide to start doing it and nothing will stop them. Her receptacle of choice was my bathtub – where I had to wash my then 6 month old son. I filled the bath up with water, she’d just hang her butt over the edge and poop into the water. I’d put tin foil in the bottom of the bath, she’d just scratch a piece away to poop on the ceramic. I’d put vinegar in the tub, she’d just go there anyway. Tried citronella, she dealt with it. I put pepper all through the bath, and she just ignored it. I even made a little rig that would spray water into her face whenever she jumped into the bath tub, to no avail. I then replaced it with citronella, and she still preferred to get covered in citronella rather than poop somewhere else. I then devised a rig to make a loud gunshot noise when she jumped into the bath and the neighbours rang the police, thinking that I was shooting my girlfriend. I tried smacking her when I caught her doing it, she’d just look at me and run away and hide. I tried locking her out of the bathroom, she’d just sit there and yowl and scratch at the door for HOURS. I tried to put an old door over the bath, she just pooped on the door. I put the litter tray in the bath, she’d poop next to it. I’d put actual litter in the bath itself, and she’d just poop in the shower. This is when I worked out that she hated litter. Apparently, cats have an affinity with ceramic/steel/plastic, anything smooth – they poop on it.

      I even tried putting her food and water in the bath, knowing that most animals won’t poop where they eat. My cat does.

      One day, out of nowhere, after MONTHS of trying to make her stop with everything I had in my arsenal, she decided that outside is a better place for pooping, and has gone outside ever since. I don’t know what made her change her mind.
      Cats are assholes.

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