Alexandria, Sydney. A store named Salt Meet Cheese, a foil bag emblazoned with a steel font. GAMER GRUB. Inside: what essentially amounts to a collection of different types of nuts. But so much more... this is Gamer Grub, "a zesty blend of Cheese Curls, Tomato Almonds, Sesame Sticks, Pita Chips, Fried Onions and Pizza Cashews." This might be the best insight into how marketing people view gamers I've ever seen.
The message on the back, is hilariously perfect.
15 browser tabs, 11 apps, voice chat and two games running. We couldn't find a snack that could keep up... so we made our own.
Gamer Grub is a snack produced in the US, a snack with now seems to be filtering into import shops in Australia.
Gamer Grub is a delicious snack packed with essential vitamins and neurotransmitters to keep you focused and quick.
Wait a goddarned minute... 'neurotransmitters' — aren't those chemicals that your brain produces? I'm no scientist, but they can't actually be 'in' food can they?
Can they? Gamer Grub is questioning everything I know about science. It even has a funky little infographic on the front showing me how it all works.
Just 'Tear N Tilt' into a pack of Gamer Grub to multi-task and game... no greasy fingers.
I'm guessing this snack is saying a couple of things about me. It's saying that I play so many games I don't have time to pause, take a rest and make myself an omelette or something. It's saying that I actually want to eat and game at the same time. It's saying that it sends magical yellow balls of light into my brain, which will then travel in an infinite cylindrical loops, providing infinite nuclear energy from my synapses to my digits. I will push buttons like a hacker in the 90s, and become one with the mystic digital void. I will have become 'gamer', consumer of worlds.
I think this is what Gamer Grub is saying will happen if I eat some salted almonds.
Intense sodium content aside, Gamer Grub is actually surprisingly healthy. It's relatively low calorie. It's fatty, but I'm guessing most of its fats come from the nuts, which isn't really a problem at all. It contains a decent number of vitamins and minerals your body requires on a day-to-day basis.
And guys. No greasy fingers! Rad to the power of Cowabunga.
I think I'm actually going to eat this stuff.