Gamer Grub Tells You Everything You Need To Know About How Marketers View Gamers

Alexandria, Sydney. A store named Salt Meet Cheese, a foil bag emblazoned with a steel font. GAMER GRUB. Inside: what essentially amounts to a collection of different types of nuts. But so much more... this is Gamer Grub, "a zesty blend of Cheese Curls, Tomato Almonds, Sesame Sticks, Pita Chips, Fried Onions and Pizza Cashews." This might be the best insight into how marketing people view gamers I've ever seen.

The message on the back, is hilariously perfect.

15 browser tabs, 11 apps, voice chat and two games running. We couldn't find a snack that could keep up... so we made our own.

Gamer Grub is a snack produced in the US, a snack with now seems to be filtering into import shops in Australia.

It's amazing...

Gamer Grub is a delicious snack packed with essential vitamins and neurotransmitters to keep you focused and quick.

Wait a goddarned minute... 'neurotransmitters' — aren't those chemicals that your brain produces? I'm no scientist, but they can't actually be 'in' food can they?

Can they? Gamer Grub is questioning everything I know about science. It even has a funky little infographic on the front showing me how it all works.

Just 'Tear N Tilt' into a pack of Gamer Grub to multi-task and game... no greasy fingers.

I'm guessing this snack is saying a couple of things about me. It's saying that I play so many games I don't have time to pause, take a rest and make myself an omelette or something. It's saying that I actually want to eat and game at the same time. It's saying that it sends magical yellow balls of light into my brain, which will then travel in an infinite cylindrical loops, providing infinite nuclear energy from my synapses to my digits. I will push buttons like a hacker in the 90s, and become one with the mystic digital void. I will have become 'gamer', consumer of worlds.

I think this is what Gamer Grub is saying will happen if I eat some salted almonds.

Intense sodium content aside, Gamer Grub is actually surprisingly healthy. It's relatively low calorie. It's fatty, but I'm guessing most of its fats come from the nuts, which isn't really a problem at all. It contains a decent number of vitamins and minerals your body requires on a day-to-day basis.

And guys. No greasy fingers! Rad to the power of Cowabunga.

I think I'm actually going to eat this stuff.


Comments

    Why is it that people in marketing are the least informed people about the gaming industry?

      Probably because this product isn't made by people working in marketing. It's most likely created by a bunch of people who themselves played games and decided to create their own snack. In the process failing miserably at marketing, because it's clearly not their forte.

      Still, that mix of ingredients sounds kind of delicious...

        I think it's more like people who don't quite understand video games but want to cash in on it.

          Quite possibly, yeah. I'm now fascinated by the origin of this product since it seems to have been around for a small while.

      Well, the the about marketing is that you don't actually need to know anything much about the product, only about people, and how to short-circuit their decision-making processes.

    I think Penny Arcade pretty well covered the average gamer's view of this marketing trainwreck, but somehow 6 years later this shit is still being sold.

    Somewhere, there is a market for this. Maybe it's genuinely tasty, I don't know. Maybe there are more people in this world who absolutely have to have grease-free fingers for non-interrupted keyboard/controller usage. Maybe the sheer volume consumed by each replica of the guy from the World of Warcraft episode of South Park in and of itself creates enough demand for an ongoing supply.

    I try not to think about it.

      Maybe, despite the amount that the marketing insults our intelligence, they actually are just damn tasty?

        I'm sure it's absolutely delicious.

          Or at least it was delicious until the 2.3 patch where they were rebalanced to be 'tasty.'

            Those almonds sounded pretty OP ever since the cheese curls got nerfed.

              I found a way to get about 20 of these snacks every hour. But I can't write it here in case they see it and nerf that too.

    Ignoring the horrible marketing... it sounds like a good mix.

    Funny article Mark. Your 'tone' made it all the more enjoyable to read. Coles or Woolworths need to get on this gravy train of goodness!

    GAMER GRUB! IT HAS WHAT PLANTS CRAVE! IT HAS ELECTROLYTES!

    Seriously though it's no real secret that every marketing group assigned to target demographic always appeals tries to appeal to the lowest common denominator/broadest stereotype first and foremost.

      ELECTROLYTES

      TURBOLYTES

      POWERLYTES

      MORE LYTES THAN YOUR BODY HAS ROOM FOR

        Up there with Powerthirst, gotta love these "food" products :)

    what the heck is a tomato almond??

      It's almonds activated with tomato. (Disclaimer: I am not a nutritionalist and probably have no idea what I'm talking about)

      Last edited 03/03/14 2:15 pm

    I assumed the nonsense marketing was tongue in cheek, and therefor nothing to fuss about.

    15 browser tabs = gamer??
    11 apps: assuming its gaming on a PC, WTF does that have to do with how much of a gamer you are :S

    The ‘Tear N Tilt’ feature could also be used while beating off. They should of mentioned that.

    I haven't researched this at all, but this is too crazy to be legitimately true. Is there any chance this is tongue-in-cheek sly-wink deliberately over-the-top?

      Good point. "IT'S GOT WHAT GAMERS CRAVE," might've been a bit too close for legal comfort.

      I think it's a little too on-the-nose to be legit. That said, I've always found most of the soft drink advertising towards gamers vaguely insulting (especially Mountain Dew Code Red).

      This stuff just looks like trail mix.

    How good is Salt Meat Cheese... Get some crazy hot Sauces to put on your gluten free Gnocchi...

    Don't overdose on those neurotransmitters or you might become a super genius with a bulbous brain.

    The biggest question is however, Can gamer grub be rendered down into some form of gamer-like porridge?

    The PB&J one tastes pretty damn great. Still I feel like a dick for buying them.

    Say what you want about its packaging this product with its over the top packaging and ridiculous claims (Hopefully done as a tongue and cheek joke) has managed to get us all talking about it. And it has made me interested in trying it so it might not be as much of a failure to communicate as many of you might think

    So... where would one purchase such a thing in Melbourne? You know just so I can boycott that store and stuff.

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