I literally can’t see two feet in front of myself, but I have to walk myself home. The outline of the pedestrian crossing is no longer representative a jovial little green or red man. Just a blurred pool of light oozing towards my retina. Green means go. Red means stop.
I feel like I’m going to vomit.
I’ve just spent the previous two hours at the Opthamologist’s office, where I’ve had very different pools of light poured into my retina. There were also eye drops. Eye drops that numb my eyeballs, eyedrops that deliberately blur my vision. It’s the last one that’s making it so difficult to see, and making me nauseous as I stare at the pavement, clumsily trying to navigate home to my apartment.
Indirectly (or directly depending on your perspsective) Dark Souls II has been partially responsible for giving me a nasty viral infection in both my eyes. I’ve been staying up late, waking up early – all while exercising fairly intensely on a regular basis – and this infection has been my body’s way of telling me to slow the fuck down.
So I’ll be slowing the fuck down for a while. Mainly because it’s hard to do anything when you can’t see a goddamn thing.
Just an hour earlier the Opthamologist told me that if I hadn’t stopped wearing my contacts when I did, after three days of increasingly intense pain, there was a good chance I might have gone blind. That wasn’t going to happen now, of course (in fact I’m in full recovery mode) but it remained a pretty confronting fact. I’m not going to lie: it was a sentence that fully freaked me out. I can’t go blind. I haven’t finished Dark Souls II yet.
In fact, I was almost late for my Opthamologist’s appointment because I had been playing Dark Souls II. Trying to get rid of those pesky Ruin Sentinels. A friend has ‘lovingly’ described them as the ‘fucking Hammer Bros’ of Dark Souls II. It’s been a tough slog for me. The kind of boss battle that forces you to question everything you’ve done up until that point: have I been leveling up the correct stats? Am I rolling with the right gear? The right weapons? Plenty of my friends cruised through this battle, but I’m really struggling.
Part of it, I think, is my refusal to use summons. I managed to get through the original Dark Souls, why can’t I get through this. That’s my thought process. Most likely I’ve just attempted this fight too early. It might be a good idea, I think, to go back through other sections.
But my eyes continue to suffer. Since I don’t have a pair of glasses, I’ve been using my wife’s prescription: a mismatched set of lens with a left eye that bends light like a goddamn fish lens. This can’t be good for my brain, for my well being, for anything. I’ve decided to stop. For now.
But things are getting difficult. The temptation is there. And my own new set of glasses, which were supposed to arrive today, have been delayed until Friday. I don’t know how bad it is to continue using the wrong prescription but when I get the house to myself tonight it’s going to be next to impossible to fight that urge. That Dark Souls urge. This game – this series – is perhaps the most compelling experience I’ve had across any media. It’s always extremely, extremely difficult to turn off the console.
But, for the meantime, I’ll simply have to. Red means stop.
For previous entries in the Dark Souls Diary series, click here.