Five Minutes Into Vita Pets, And I'm Already Creeped Out

Five Minutes Into Vita Pets, And I'm Already Creeped Out

When Sony announced PlayStation Vita Pets last August, I was sure a talking puppy video game was all I ever wanted. Now that I've got my paws on the game, I'm more disturbed than charmed.

The game begins with an important decision. There are four dog breeds for the player to choose from — Dalmatian, Labrador Retriever, Siberian Husky and Australian Shepherd. It's here we get our first taste of dog speech. It's somewhat unnerving.

I apologise for the angle of these videos, but my Vita steadfastly refuses to spontaneously sprout a video out.

Awww, they think they're people. And talk like people. And throw other dogs under the bus like people.

This decision was tough, but not in an "they're all so cute I can't decide" sort of way, but rather a "which one is the least threatening" sort of way. In the end, I went for the Dalmatian, because her voice is cute and she called me pretty. Judging by my second video, that may have been a mistake.

You might want to turn the volume down on this if you're at work/in public.

My wife was in the kitchen adjoining my office when this sequence began, and the look she gave me as the room filled with puppy squeaks and moans was priceless. I'm just glad I wasn't playing this near any adult humans who weren't accustomed to strange sounds coming from my room.

I'll continue playing, eventually, but I'm a little nervous about it. I'm sure we'll have wonderful adventures together, me and my yappy little pup — I'm just worried about the downtime.

Five Minutes Into Vita Pets, And I'm Already Creeped Out

I'm not sure I'm ready for this level of intimacy.

UPDATE: And then I continued. Why did I continue?


    Sonogs. Vitogs. PlayStogs. It just doesn't work!

      Oh no, the Sonogs are coming! We must fight them off or the world is doomed!

        Quickly! Fetch the Sonats! Only they will distract the Sonogs long enough for us to do whatever it is we do!

    That last video reminded me of South Park.

    "Red rocket, red rocket"

    Im enjoying it, though i understand how it could be creepy...

    but its definitely for younger kids, I expect they'd genuinely enjoy it more with none of the cock-eyed cynicism of the average jaded adult

    Last edited 05/06/14 3:22 pm

      lol I dare you to turn the volume to max and stroke your dog in public.

    The voices removed any interest of buying this... uugghhh.

    what. the. fuck.

    Whyyyyyyyyyyyy would they make the dogs talk???

      I'm fairly sure this has been asked thousands of times since "Look Who's Talking Now", the third of those horrible John Travolta and Kirsty Alley films from the 80s.

    Wow. If creepy talking pets are the kind of thing you’re going to come up with when you try to innovate, perhaps the lesson here is that Sony should stick to stealing Nintendo’s ideas.

    Nintendog’s HD would have been far less disturbing.

    Wow. That's some real nightmare fuel right there.

Join the discussion!

Trending Stories Right Now