If You're Going To Be A Cannibal, You've Got To Count Kilojoules

If You're Going To Be A Cannibal, You've Got To Count Calories

Here at Snacktaku we're all about portion control, so when science tells us a fully-cooked human cadaver would contain roughly 340,996kJ, we reach for the freezer bags.

In an article for Popular Science magazine, which continues to try to get us to call it PopSci so it sounds cool (you are cool, Popular Science), University of Brighton human origins lecturer James Cole delivered the caloric calculation that's rocking the cannibal nation.

According to his calculations, a human arm alone is around 7531 calories, or around six pepperoni pizza Hot Pockets. A leg, on the other limb, weighs in at a staggering 29,916 calories. Want to burn 6276 calories fast? Remove your lungs, liver or alimentary canal.

What's a human origins lecturer doing with such information? Aside from providing important nutritional information for restaurants serving human parts (?), the energy content of a body could help archaeologists determine if ancient cultures consumed humans ritualistically or as part of this complete breakfast.

The 340,996 figure may look like a lot, but the PopSci (there) article cites that an average bear can contain up to 2,510,400kJ (largely due to fatty tissue) and a smarter-than-average bear can contain that many plus the contents of a picnic basket.

Disclaimer: Don't eat people.

Disclaimer 2: Seriously, don't eat people.

Ask Anything: Would Cannibalism Make You Fat? [Popular Science]


Comments

    Disclaimer: Don’t eat people. naww i was hoping for Soylent Green

    ha lol, the picture comes from Ravenous, good movie that

      I would have preferred a shot from Cannibal the musical, maybe Alferd on his horse having a shpadoinkle day

    According to Catholic doctrine the sacrament of the Eucharist quite literally becomes the body and blood of Christ.

    All in all, if I am stuck with nothing else to eat but the reasonably preserved cadaver of a companion - Hell yeah, I want to live. Eating another person for magical purposes (PNG for example, or Catholics) is not cool in my book. That said, it's my book, not yours.

    Yeah, but you're not going to eat an entire leg in 1 sitting, that's a hella lotta meat. It would be interesting to see , kilo-for-kilo how it compares to the likes of beef or pork, in similar cuts.

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