448 Minutes Of Transformers Movies Contain 19 Minutes Of Robot Combat

448 Minutes Of Transformers Movies Contain 19 Minutes Of Robot Combat

Watching a Michael Bay Transformers movie is a serious investment. When you add up the running time of the original trilogy, it clocks in just shy of 7.5 hours. That’s practically a work day! Thank god they’re all chock full of eye-melting robot-on-robot action.

Or so I thought. Then someone had to go and make a supercut of all the fight scenes from the first three Transformers films:

The YouTube clip is awesome, of course — just like the movies themselves were awesome. But the one thing that really stands out to me here is the length. It’s barely 19 minutes long.

Nineteen minutes! That is an infinitesimal fraction of an epic movie series that’s supposed to be explicitly centered around giant killer robots doing what giant killer robots do best: killing other giant killer robots.

Come on, Michael Bay. I like your movies more than most people do. But what do you think I spent 25 bucks to go see in IMAX 3D? Shia LaBeouf?

Please. Just give me more of the robot porn I so desperately need in my life.

Transformers Pure Action [YouTube]


    • It’s funny too because he calls out the movie on the lack of transformers, action and the hours of humans like Shia Lebouf. You know the things people say the movies are bad for, so what exactly does Yannick enjoy about it ? Having an alternate opinion of a bad series ?

  • This guy is bordering on needing some therapy for his Transformers/Michael Bay addiction. Seriously, Yannick, no one is going to be there when you hand out the laced punch with a looping youtube video of robot fight scenes playing in the background. Give it up already.

    • I don’t get it. So they lost Tracey and Crecente to Polygon. Okay. Then recently they lost Owen Good, one of the few halfway decent writers left here. Okay. I assumed they’d get some new talent to offset Plunkett/Hernandez, but they hired the Michael Bay Appreciation Society.

  • The thing is, that stat will shock most people. It surprised me big time and by the sounds of your article… it shocked you.

    That must mean, the movies got it right.

    • 19 minutes of a camera strapped to the inside of a box full of dead birds and destroyed bicycles being violently shaken.

  • How many minutes of painful dialogue from the dude’s parents. Easily the worst part of those films!

      • And you can tell Michael Bay really dogs the parents and thinks they are good cinema by the way he keeps trotting them out on screen like they’re people’s favourite part? Unless you’re 14 and you’re in that “hahaha, OMG it’s so true adults are so lame!” phase, I don’t see how anyone can appreciate a mum high on hash brownies or an interlude during the climax of the movie to have the mum bring out a book about pleasing a woman!

        I think Michael Bay is under the delusion that the parents balance the seriousness of the movie, which is a valid technique, after all it’s why you add a pinch of sugar to a bolognaise to keep it from being a salt-fest, but I would think an Italian sports car bunging on a sloppy Antonio Banderas impersonation and a car that’s speaks through radio snippets covers that base. And what’s worse is the movies are so friggen bloated and bladder-strainingly long, there’s no need to bring a few pie slinging clowns out for 10 minutes of cringe worthy cinema to lighten up the mood.

        It’s downright fucking shitty movie making.

        Ugh, my blood pressure is going up…

        • You have no idea how much I understand your pain.

          He’s not even incompetent and he has a signature visual style that makes him something of a “good” creative property. He just insists on making fucking GARBAGE.

      • Transformers 3 nearly made me yell in the middle of the movie.

        “Who the fuck is this? Why do we have a marine squad now? When did they become the main characters? Do any of them have names?!?”

        • What I can’t figure out is this conceit that the transformers work with squads of humans. It always ends up being a few dozen dudes with rifles walking in with a transformer. A deceptacon pops out and starts fighting the autobot and the humans stand around either shooting with their useless rifles or becoming casualties.

          What the fuck are the humans supposed to do? Shouldn’t it be just an autobot walking in with the military watching remotely while the actual combatants fight?

          Who says “let’s send in 6 of our 3 story tall alien robots with advanced weaponry and transforming capabilities … oh, and send in 20 of our 6 foot tall dudes with popguns.

          So much ridiculousness!

  • The YouTube clip is awesome, of course — just like the movies themselves were awesome […] Please. Just give me more of the robot porn I so desperately need in my life.

    Dude has issues. This is what, the third ‘article’ on Michael Bay’s Transformers? We get it, you love those movies. Good for you (I guess?), but all this white-knighting is bordering on idolatry.

  • Allure needs to give us the option to filter out topics or, even better, authors so that I can read about video games and not more tf4 junk.

  • Transformers 4 is the best movie of the series, but it’s still not something I would call a good movie. Maybe by Transformers 10 it will be.

  • you aren’t fooling anyone, “Yannick” – we know you are Michael Bay. This is a gaming website so please go away. off you go, shoo!

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