Kim Kardashian: Hollywood Has The Best Rival Since Pokémon’s Gary Oak

Kim Kardashian: Hollywood Has The Best Rival Since Pokémon’s Gary Oak

Good rivalries — the kind that get you really riled up — are hard to come by. We haven’t very many good rivalries in a video game since Pokémon Red, in my opinion. But as much as people hate Gary Oak, he’s got nothing your rival in Kim Kardashian: Hollywood.

OK, I know that might sound ridiculous — especially for those of you who aren’t playing Kim Kardashian: Hollywood. But stick with me here.

You remember Gary Oak, right? This guy?

He was in the Pokémon anime, and he was a total jerk:

It didn’t help that Gary Oak was conventionally attractive, had good Pokémon, and he always seemed to be one step ahead of Ash Ketchum. Plus, lets be real, Gary had a shrill and annoying voice. It’s kind of easy to hate Gary Oak — nevermind when you have to actually deal with him in the games. In the games, Gary always wanted to battle at the worst times, and he carried a starter Pokémon that he picked precisely because you’re weak to it. Even when you do something amazing like beat the Elite Four, Gary has to mess everything up by doing it before you do. Gary Oak is kind of the worst.

Yes, the character in the games is never outright called Gary, but cmon. That’s totally who it is:

Plus, who cares what the game names Gary? Everyone takes the opportunity to rename rivals in Pokémon something offensive, because that’s just how much people hated Gary, the first and original Pokémon rival.

Allow me to introduce you to someone that makes Gary Oak seem like a totally cool guy. Her name is Willow Pape, and you meet her in the new Kim Kardashian game. The first thing she did in my game was ask me if I was flirting with her boyfriend:

Dear readers, I was flirting with nobody’s boyfriend. I didn’t even know the guy. But this woman got all up in my face and started dissing me like she’s hot shit or something. And she’s just a D-Lister! Geeze. What kind of a name is “Willow Pape,” anyway?

But not only does she lose it with you in person, but she also chooses to tell everyone about it on Twitter:

Given that the game is about trying to become a classy celebrity, this basic bitch stuff that Willow drags you into is no good. And that’s why the game urges you to get a publicist — to manage your public image, because immature people like Willow Pape will try to ruin it. Your publicist ends up suggesting that you go on a date with someone else to make it clear you weren’t hitting on Willow Pape’s boyfriend…

…and also goes through the trouble of starting up rumours about Willow Pape on Twitter, just to fight some fire with fire.

Willow Pape, bless her heart, totally takes the bait:

Meanwhile, the entire incident nets me a date with a cute girl:

I think I ended up winning this one.

To be clear: the situation presented in Kim Kardashian: Hollywood is completely ridiculous. It’s petty, even. Willow Pape is a grown-arse woman pulling some high school crap on you. But it’s this pettiness that makes the rivalry so effective, as Willow Pape manages to get under your skin in a way that Gary Oak never does. And the situation only gets worse from this point onward, as you compete with Willow Pape to become an A-List celebrity with millions of fans. I just got done playing a part where I ended up throwing a drink at Willow Pape’s shoes at a party — she was being a total arsehole to me. It’s…kind of great, to be honest. As much as I hate Willow Pape, she’s made playing Kim Kardashian: Hollywood all the more entertaining.

I’m not the only one that feels so strongly about Willow Pape, either…

Hell, Willow Pape has her own hashtag on Twitter, #fuckwillowpape.

(Via kellygoyo)

(Via suchlovelyaccents)

(via thevulcanshavethetardis)

Some people swear that Willow Pape is based off of Paris Hilton, which is causing some Kim Kardashian fans to spam angrily Paris Hilton’s Instagram pictures with the words “Willow Pape.”

Maybe none of this convinces you that Willow Pape is the best video game rival since Gary Oak. But has Gary Oak ever inspired someone to write the words “bitch, why you mad? cause my pussy pops severely and yours dont?” I think not. Willow Pape has.

Case closed.


  • Read halfway, got brain damage. Need to kill more brain cells for this kind of game.

  • HOW DARE YE TO COMPARE THIS ANON TO GREEN, I mean this snorefest rival is more mean girls than a true rival, here is a TRUE list of rivals: green (original), silver (son of GIO FRIKING VANI), seto frikkin kaiba, jack frikkin atlas and more TRUE rivals, than this snooze fest rival, I mean she is just a bully who has a more snooze fest tv show, this comparison is unbearable, not just unbearabl, just unthinkable

  • I feel like I was falsely drawn in by the mention of Pokemon games and kept reading… After that all I kept thinking was “Why? Why? Why???? Why Patricia why?!?”

  • I would be amused at how seriously some of the player take it and then I remember what hardcore gamers are like.

    Having never played KK Hollywood (and probably never will- energy bars) can’t say if better rival than Gary. Still funny to read.

  • I am totally aware that I could avoid clicking on these articles but its presence on the main page offends me already.
    Can we please not have any reference to this Kim Kardashian “game” at all on this site? It brings more and more attention to this vapid culture and rewards this person even more for bad behaviour.

    • I know this is going to sound elitist but I’m going to say it anyways. I find the fact that this Kim Kardashian whatever you want to call it is being referred to as a ‘game’. Firstly comparing this to one of the beloved franchises of all time is mind boggling and secondly this game has got Patricia typing up things like “But this woman got all up in my face”. Seriously? All up in my face?

  • I was trying to remember who Gary Oak was, but the only word that came to mind was ‘girth’…

  • Having rewatched some of the early episodes recently, Gary Oak doesn’t seem like much more of a jerk than Ash is (though Gary gets worse later, and then better even later than that).

    Also, Willow Pape looks pretty hot, so I’m taking her side.

  • I really want to try this game now.
    Whaaaat, don’t judge me!
    It kinda sounds fun to be a bitch to this Willow Pape bitch :3

      • You get to throw your drink at a bitches shord, and start rumours about her!
        This game sounds so much funner then I was led to believe!

        I don’t even care what anyone says, I just downloaded it 😀

  • I was thinking that somebody needs to make a game that is the opposite of this one, where you live out a normal and mundane life and don’t care what anybody thinks of you. Then I remembered The Sims exists.

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