Pumpkin Spice Oreos: The Snacktaku Review

Pumpkin Spice Oreos: The Snacktaku Review

Really? There are Pumpkin Spice Oreos now? Fine. Let's get this over with. There are two types of people in this world — those who adore foodstuffs flavoured with pumpkin spice, and those getting increasingly close to committing murder every time someone smacks their lips, squeals and claps their cute little mittened hands together at the mere mention of it.

[Local editor's note: As far as I can tell, these are (fortunately?) not available in Australia.]

Now I don't know why those other people are wearing mittens in early September, but I've got a theory that it's these touch-muffling mittens that keep them from realising the seasonal pumpkin spice craze has gotten out of hand. What began with a latte here or a cookie has exploded to the point where one out of every two things existing between late August and January is pumpkin spice-flavoured. Feel free to lick the person nearest you to test that out.

Why Rational People Hate Pumpkin Spice

Those of you who frequent Facebook and other places where people post stupid things will no doubt be familiar with this image.

Pumpkin Spice Oreos: The Snacktaku Review

Forget the rest of the silliness and focus on the second bullet point: "absolutely no real pumpkin in ingredients." Realisation of how ridiculous this statement is should kick in immediately. If not, move on to the next paragraph. Everyone else already has.

Pumpkin spice is not a product of the pumpkin. It's a mixture of cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger and allspice that people use to ensure that pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread and other baked goods with pumpkin in the name taste absolutely nothing like a real pumpkin.

Have you ever picked up a pumpkin and taken a bite? Maybe grabbed the slimy, seed-riddle innards while making a jack-o-lantern for Easter (yes, I know) and started shoveling them into your mouth by the fistful? If so, what the hell is wrong with you?

Pumpkin spice is the name for a combination of spices used to make pumpkin taste less horrible. Complaining that a pumpkin spice latte contains no real pumpkin is like complaining that your A1 Steak Sauce latte contains no real steak.

And that's why I want to start biting faces every time one of those mysteriously-mittened individuals shows up, kissing miniature gourdes and saying things like "Mmmmm, pumpkiny."

Besides, I Prefer Gingerbread Spice

Mmm, gingerbread spice. The recipe varies, but it's generally a mixture of cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger and allspice (cloves often factor in there as well). So pretty much the same thing, only with less food colouring and obnoxious people don't run around making out with ginger root in public (though honestly I'd approve.)

And Then There Were Pumpkin Spice Oreos

Remember a couple of years back when Nabisco debuted the Gingerbread Oreos? These are just like those, only with less clove taste and more orange. Here's the inside of a Gingerbread Oreo, via JunkFoodGuy:

Pumpkin Spice Oreos: The Snacktaku Review

And here's the inside of a Pumpkin Spice Oreo:

Pumpkin Spice Oreos: The Snacktaku Review

What we can infer from these two photos and the information I've provided, is that if I took away the hint of molasses and clove from the Gingerbread creme, it would turn bright orange. Or Nabisco thinks we cannot accept something tastes like not-a-pumpkin unless it's the same colour as a pumpkin. Nothing makes any sense anymore.

Pumpkin Spice Oreos: The Snacktaku Review

Ooo, paprika extract!

So, How Do They Taste?

Don't you want to see the video portion of the review?

If not, the main takeaway is "floppy creme".

No Really, How Do They Taste?

Nothing like pumpkin, that's for sure. In case you're keeping track, that's a good thing.

Pumpkin Spice Oreos, like many other things precluded by the words "pumpkin spice", are quite tasty. The subtle bite of the spices combined is nicely controlled by the vanilla Oreo cookies, which have grown on me over the years. The creme portion is firmer than most Oreo cremes I've encountered, maintaining its disc shape once removed from the cookie portion despite vigorous shaking.

Yes, shaking the creme is an important part of reviewing Oreos. Shut up.

Pumpkin spice lovers are sure to be satisfied, and I'm not just saying that because they don't know any better and would happily run out into the middle of highway traffic if Dodge released a limited edition Pumpkin Spice Durango.

As for the haters out there, it doesn't really matter. This isn't a battle of taste anymore, but rather a battle of taste. I mean it's tongue taste versus soul taste. I am not explaining this well. I guess what I am trying to say is that haters, as they are, will continue to hate, no matter how many pairs of mittens you slip on their hands when they aren't looking.


Comments

    Eh, strawberries taste nothing like the 'strawberry' flavour that companies use in candy, ice cream, etc anyway.

      'Grape' is the worst offender. Had the people that invented that fake flavour even tried a grape before naming it that?? 'Cherry' flavours have this problem too.

        Nope, Banana 'flavour' is ridiculous.

          Banana flavour doesn't taste like Grand Nain/Cavendish/Chiquita bananas, but supposedly does taste like Gros Michel/Big Mike bananas that were the most popular banana throughout most of the world around the time banana flavouring came about, before being wiped out in the 50s by Panama disease (except in Asia).

            Here's your crown, Obscure Trivia King \\M//

              HEY! That's supposed to be mine!
              Ducks quacks really do echo they just sound exactly like the quack, octopus tentacles contain their own neurones and will move independently and even transfer food to a nonexistent mouth when removed, there is one jellyfish that reverts back to juvenility after it spawns, then grows up and repeats the cycle again, as far it's known these jellyfish are completely immortal. Can I have the crown now?

      Never tried pumpkin spice anything, but chicken salt or chicken flavored crisps taste nuthin like the bird.

        Chicken flavoured anything is a bit of a misnomer. Really, like these Oreos, it should be called "chicken spice salt" or "chicken spice chips" because it's a collection of herbs and spices commonly used on roast chicken.

        And what about barbeque flavoured chips? Have you ever licked a bbq hotplate (after it's cooled down, of course)? Those chips taste nothing like it.

        Many brands of chicken stock cubes don't contain any chicken byproducts. I always though Chicken salt wasn't chicken flavoured, but rather to be eaten with chicken (as the glutamates bring aout the chickeny deliciousness)

    What is it with americans and pumkins anyway?

      Ever had Thanksgiving-style Pumpkin Pie? It's DELICIOUS.

        I lived in the south of the USA for years, and yes, you are right. It's beautiful.

          Came here to say the same thing. Real pumpkin pie is beautiful.

    Out of curiosity I decided to do a really simple google search on that caramel flavour level IV carcinogen thing...
    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/1644385/
    I didn't bother going through the rest of the "facts" after that haha. (In case you didn't click the link, it's been proven to not have any difference in the probability of developing cancer)

      meh, its from facebook. so obviously its been mocked up with no real knowledge from the person making it or research conducted but it will go viral... i loved the no pumpkin line... im like wtf is wrong with you.

      All that link says is that Caramel Colour IV was not toxic or carcinogenic in the rats and mice included in the study, hardly that "it's been proven to not have any difference in the probability of developing cancer". There are some published studies with concerns around 4-Methylimidazole which may be found in caramel colourings (put "4-Methylimidazole" and "carcinogen" into that PubMed search...) but I don't know if this is found in "Caramel Colour IV". It's largely considered safe though, unless you eat a lot of it, I just wanted to point this out as it's pretty easy to twist it either way to suit whatever agenda is being pushed...

      Last edited 15/09/14 4:55 pm

    Booo, it uses palm oil, that's enough for me not to touch that thing given the destruction caused by the palm oil industry.

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