Off Topic: Eliminate One Movie From History

Imagine, if you will, that you have been given the ability to wipe one single movie from history and our collective memories, which cinematic catastrophe would you choose? Which movie was so offensive/terrible/insulting that you wish it could simply disappear from this universe?

My choice is easy. So easy. I don't even have to think about it.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Easily. That movie should never have been made. Goddamn I wish it never was made. What the hell were they thinking?

What's your choice?

WATCH MORE: Entertainment News


Comments

    sharknado - the acting was so terrible in that I turned it off after about 2 minutes.

      That's kind of the whole point of it. It's a terrible movie.

        darren is correct. long before sharknado became well known there was a bunch more like it which are made-for-tv movies that are supposed to be terrible... like sharktopus, dinocroc, etc.

      I loved Sharknado, definitely in the so bad it is good category.
      He is swallowed by a sky-shark while holding a chainsaw, and the inevitable happens, what mere could you want?

      Last edited 21/10/14 11:47 am

    Toss up between Dragonball Evolution and The Last Airbender.
    Both of those made me sad.

      Edit: I went in to those two films with very low expectations and was pleasantly (albeit very slightly) surprised. In saying that, I wouldn't miss them if they were wiped from existence. But then again, how could I miss them if they were wiped from existence?!

      Last edited 21/10/14 11:26 am

        If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is around, does it make a noise?

          simple answer Yes it does it most certainly does

        I didn't hate the dragonball movie. It was honestly never ever going to work so if I could find some sort of entertainment value out of it then I'd take that as a bonus. And I did. Not much but hey, I've seen worse.

          That's how I felt. I also went in with no knowledge of any Dragonball lore at all so that probably helped.

      Dragonball definitely. White actor playing Goku is probably the least offensive part of that movie.

    All of the Alien vs Predator movies; or at least they should have been made... good?

      Anything after Alien 3 (Directors cut) should be shot into the sun.

        Naw I loved Resurrection when I was younger.

          It's not bad so far as generic action flicks go, but as a true Alien flick it was pretty horrible.

    The Human Centipede. Easily.

    I enjoyed Indy 4 :P

      I just wrote a huge comment defending crystal skull but internet connention spazzed as I submitted which made me lose it. Glad I'm not the only one who liked it dude!

        One night me and some friends watched Iron Man, the four Indy films and Blade Runner.

        Partly said to be intentionally inflammatory but not entirely untrue - I've always said since then that the worst movie I saw that night was Blade Runner.

        The worst thing about Crystal Skull was be Shia and those stupid CGI monkeys. Everything else was pretty much passable at worst.

          agree. most people I hear whinge about the fact there are aliens in it yet in Raiders there is a line "the ark is not of this earth"... I think the internet is to blame for the hate for that one.

          Yeah, Shia LeBoofhead ruined it for sure, but also about halfway through (from memory)
          When all of a sudden it became about aliens, it was like, hang on this is Indy, it's supposed to be archaeology, not friggin' science fiction.

            lol see my comment above. The Indy films ARE about science fiction. All of them, even raiders.

            The two don't have to be mutually exclusive. Plus like Wolfpacsnakepited mentioned above... no more far-fetched than the ark or the holy grail and their associated magics.

              Magic is one thing, but Aliens are another thing altogether.

              Would you like to see a hunt for a mystical artifact in a new Alien film? I sure as hell wouldn't, because it's supposed to be about aliens.

                I dunno, I can see how one world can be entirely scientific and deal with aliens without the mystical, but I just can't see how a world of the mystical specifically can't have aliens.

                "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

                The Arc, The Stone, The Grail. These are all alien artefacts.
                Now the Indiana Jones movies are all science fiction.

                  You can explain it any way you like, I still hated it.

                  Specifically, Indy films are about religion - 1&3 are Christianity, 2 was some kind of invented shamanism I think, and Indy 4 covered New Age crystal skulls. In that regard, it was true to it's subject matter... It was a cringe-worthy choice IMO, possibly made because a lot of Hollywood types would believe in it... is the next film going to explore Scientology?

                  I didn't enjoy it not because of Shia himself, but because of Mutt, and the lathering on of needless CGI.

      If the elimination of Human Centipede will also eliminate the sequel, then great, yes. this.

      But if it's one or the other, HC2 will go down in history as having no redeeming value whatsoever. It didn't have any goal or point or characterisation story arc, it simply heaped atrocity on actrocity.

        That was pretty much what I thought of the first one too.

        Don't you wanna include HC3 as well? Apparently there is a third one called Final Sequence.

        Mind you I've only read the Wikipedia pages as there is no way my stomach nor nerve could sit through such movies.

          I thought that never actually got made. I think I'll continue to assume that this is the case.

        I'll have to politely disagree and mention it did have a point. The first film, while gross in concept, was far from graphic. Most of the violence is implied, rather than shown. It was a sick idea, yes, but far from graphic. After the media frenzy and all the shouting about how graphic it was, Tom Six went back to the drawing board and said 'You know what? Fuck ya'll - I'll give you something to REALLY complain about!" - and that he did. That kind of statement, for me, justifies the existence of the second film.

        If you wanna see something really depraved, try the August Underground films. I saw August Underground Mordum to check out the gore effects, and came away knowing that I NEVER wanted to watch it again. There's much worse out there than The Human Centipede series.

        In my opinion, horror movies such as these that spark debate at least get people thinking, and passionate about which side of the fence they sit on and where they themselves draw the line. Michael Bay's influence on the blockbuster (with the Transformers movies) is far more damaging in my eyes. Homogenization and placation are way worse than healthy debate about where people draw lines in relation to morality, which seems to be the legacy of the Human Centipede movies :)

        Last edited 21/10/14 12:29 pm

          Jeesh - the wikipedia plot for it is brutally straight shooting. Not sure if I could stomach that.

            Yeah dude, I love me a good gore movie, and anything Horror. But August was too much. Not in an 'OMG I can't cope way', it's just that apart from some great practical effects, there are no other redeeming features whatsoever. Great gore fx aren't enough to carry that POS, haha!

            Last edited 21/10/14 12:50 pm

              Well I just fell into somewhat of a rabbit hole. The Angels Melancholy looks ... interesting.

                Hahaha, I'm prone to do the very same thing, lol, I'll watch anything at least once! Also, thanks for reminding me about that one... It's been on my pile of shame for ages :-P

                Last edited 21/10/14 7:30 pm

                  I streamed a bit of it this evening (having never heard of it before) and I'm not quite sure what I was watching.
                  I got the gist of it though. It's not exactly subtle.

      putting my hand up as mostly enjoying indy 4 also. yeah the monkeys were dumb. and shia was a dik. and the ending was kinda x-files the movie ending stupid...but, i was happy to see indy back on the big screen.

    The 41 Year Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It

    I really like Bryan Callen too (the protagonist), but man if that wasn't the worst p.o.s film I have ever laid my eyes upon.

      I believe started watching that once, when we were about to get rid of Foxtel and I was eliminating things from the iQ that I'd recorded and hadn't gotten around to watching, in case there was anything important I was going to miss.

      If I recall correctely it started with a weak riff on the "you know how I know you're gay" bit from 40 Year Old Virgin then introduced the satirical versions of the kids from Superbad. The kid with the glasses was showing off his fake ID, where they took parody to all new heights by taking the original joke of "McLovin" and making it "Anal McLovin". Under threat of my sides rupturing from an overdose of hilarity, I backed out of the movie and deleted it.

    KotCS isn't really that bad at all, it's not nearly as good as the original trilogy but it's not a terrible movie.

    Seriously do I have to be the one to say Transformers? C'mon that movie is just the worst, especially seeing as it spawned the successively worse sequels.

      that or movie 43

        Transformers is passable explosion porn

        Movie 43 is a suppressed memory

          I didn't even watch it properly, I was working on my laptop while the missus was watching it and even then I was scarred.

          While I'm not a fan of the first transformers it's more for the rest of the movies in the series that I want it nuked from history, they really need to stop. I know this is a futile plea and you will never read this Michael, but it's enough ok? Just stop.

          Last edited 21/10/14 12:06 pm

        I cracked up the whole way through movie 43.

        I was excessively stoned though.

      agreed about crystal skull but disagree on transformers. whilst they are shite they aren't too bad if u can turn your brain off for couple of hours :)

        Haha yeah, I liked Transformers too :P Thought the second one wasn't all that great, but I remember quite enjoying the third. Disappointed I never got around to seeing the fourth.

    I can appreciate just about any movie I watch on some level or other, except for one.
    The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas.

      One of two films that I have walked out of.

    Batman and Robin.

    I love Batman films, but when I bought the old movies on blu ray I intentionally bought 1,2 & 3 separately rather than getting the box set of all 4 because I did not want to own that movie. (and after watching Batman Forever again I kind of wish I didn't get that one either)

    But Batman and Robin killed the franchise. At least it led to Batman Begins when they eventually rebooted it but it was a painful way to get there.

      Now that I think about it, I did exactly the same thing. Batman and Robin was so bad.

      But I guess it gets lost in among better Batman movies either side. So it's not that much of an offence. Indy 4 however... there would need to be a massive return to form with Indy 5 to achieve forgiveness. And I can't see that happening without a time machine.

      Because of those awful Joel Schumacher films (which I had the misfortune of seeing in the cinema) it took me forever to watch Batman Begins (I was pleasantly surprised when I finally did!)

    Are we considering the ongoing temporal effects of the movie's deletion from existence? If so, then I would probably nominate Scary Movie. Without it, we would never have all those Genre Movie films that somehow were popular enough to keep being made.

      The one thing I always wanted to see (once the whole Genre Movie thing became a... thing) was Action Movie. Except it wasn't just a crappy parody of all the big films of the last year like the other Genre Movies seemed to end up being.

      But then we got The Expendables and I was happy.

    Alien 3 would have to be my pick.
    Crystal Skulls was just stupid, but it didn't totally undermine the previous movies... much
    Pretty much all of the 1st 3 Star Wars as well, but that's pretty obvious.

    Last edited 21/10/14 11:33 am

      When it comes to sequels undermining the franchise, Highlander 2 is pretty bad for that. Totally changes the lore, and then Highlander 3 pretends 2 never happened

        Highlander 2 gets my vote. Complete nonsense. The "Renegade Edition" takes it from a 1/10 film to about a 3/10 by getting rid of the alien planet bullshit and at least trying to shoehorn the story back into earth history, but it's bad. Bad bad bad.

      I'd just eliminate the Star Wars prequels as they are. And replace them with these versions: http://www.kotaku.com.au/2013/08/imagine-if-star-wars-episode-ii-was-actually-really-good/

    I agree with the latest Indiana jones film. There's other movies I've hated more (law abiding citizen is the worst movie I've ever seen) but the indy film felt like a personal insult to the fans. Even episode one at least had a few decent moments and added a bit of usable lore to the universe.

    Alien Resurrection. Kill it with fire. An utter embarrassment for all involved, and a stain on the series.

      I love the first three Alien movies, Aliens in particular is my favourite film of all time. Alien Resurrection was just awful in every possible way. I think the biggest insult was what they did to Ripley. Sigourney is a fantastic actor and they basically turned her into a retarded android version of her former self, this made me sad. Also how could anyone forget the Alien orgy scene... what a travesty...

    Cruddy phantom bloody menace. Worst film I have seen. Ruined everything!

      By being a movie which actually had some back story and shed some light into the greater galaxy?
      Yeah, TPM wasn't a fabulous movie, but then neither are the OT movies. The writing is downright cringe worthy.
      I feel like the people that criticise TPM, but keep the OT on a pedestal must have seen the OT as children originally. Only through nostalgia are those movies better than TPM....

      At the very least, I give credit for trying something different, rather than just a fan-service [which I worry EP7 may become].

      Last edited 21/10/14 12:03 pm

        It's a terrible movie considering it was designed as part 1 of a trilogy.
        There is no real protagonist, and the only thing that flows through into part 2 is that a couple of people know each other. Everything else in the movie could be deleted and it makes no difference to the following films.

          It actually explains the origins of the Empire..... the political manipulation and misdirection created by Palpatine to obtain ultimate power.....
          It shows a lot more depth to the galaxy, both in locations and cultures. Naboo, Tattooine, Coruscant......

          It showed the Jedi as they are meant to be. Peace keepers and elite warriors.
          That's not worth anything?

            It's worth something and I don't think it is the worst film ever made, just the worst star wars film ever made.
            There is some political manipulation there but basically causing a vote of no confidence is the extent of that. How he goes from chancellor to emperor is in the following films.
            We learn about Naboo but everything in else is secondary. We don't really learn much about Tattoonie we didn't already know and Coruscant isn't really explored until the 2nd film.

            Anything we learn about the characters totally changes between film 1 and 2 so that is rather pointless. The jedi as they are supposed to be is good, but could have been done much better.

              we also learnt about how c3po, vader, obi-wan and jar jar came to be :)

            Explaining the origins of the Empire was probably one of the things it did worst.

            Somehow from 1-3 to 4-6, (maybe 16-20yrs?) the galactic population has managed to forget that space wizards were a renowned and centuries-long-established part of galaxy-spanning peace-keeping operation.

            Really feels like there should've been at least one or two generations difference in there. Can you imagine if space wizards existed for thousands of years of human history then were suddenly wiped out in a violent and bloody dispute in the 1990s?

              Did they forgot about the Jedi in that time though?

              I mean, that's one of the things which bothered me about the OT.... there's no backstory provided about any of the worlds or the people inhabiting them. They cover only the main characters and that's it. Owen and Beru knew what the Jedi were, but they wanted to 'protect' Luke from it.
              Apart from the bartender in ANH, there isn't really any other citizen who says anything....

              And yeah, I'm not saying they did it brilliantly in TPM. I'm not saying they did anything particularly brilliantly, lol. But I certainly prefer the broad approach to the story and universe in TPM, rather than the very narrow focus of the OT.

                the Phantom Menace has a good back story going on - but the actual characters in it are monumentally boring and the movie has a tendency to tell rather than show (the biggest example of this being that midichlorians technobabble).

                Still I love Episode II - the revelation that the Stormtroopers were once the good guys blew my mind!

    I like all sorts of movies and can usually see the good in them and appreciate for what they are. I never turn off a film until the credits roll however I have made two exceptions:

    1. The Underground Comedy Movie. Worst film EVER, not even kidding. Google it if u dare.

    2. Twilight. I heard it was a cool vampire movie... my then girlfriend now wife asked me to turn it off (that's when I knew she was the one!).

    Scarface - It is the worst, most overblown peice of hot garbage movie ever. People claim to have seen it, but I suspect they mostly just see those deep framed images of a slouchy Tony Montana in with a couple of pistols and some fake money. Awful.

    OR

    Stephen Kings 'It' - Once again, a movie that people claim to have seen and claim is responsible for their fear of clowns, but few have actually sat through that mess. It was not even a traditional movie, it was a 3 hour (longer with advertisments) mini series made for television.
    Get rid of it.

      Oh no, Scarface is one of the greatest films ever made. Each to their own I guess.

      Agree with It to an extent, been ages since I've seen it so it may be worse than I remember. Worst bit (from memory) was
      When Pennywise turned into a giant Spider, that scene just looked like absolute crap.

      Apparently Gullermo Del Toro has expressed interest in remaking both It and Pet Semetary. If anyone can do it justice and make it a great film, it's him.

      Ok 'IT' wasn't great but as usual with stephen King movies, the book was awesome. just read the books and pass on the movies.

      I wonder if it's a Brian De Palma thing...I recently watched "Passion " and thought it was pretty next level terrible and was told that I just didn't 'get' it and that Brian De Palma is a genius. I don't think it's that at all though - I like some of his films and other's I don't. So I respect your right to not like Scarface, and I still think Passion was pretty a objectively terrible film, stupid shadow shots and all.

    A.I. by Spielberg.

    The end of that film is the most appaling piece of schmaltz. Spielberg seems to have gone out of his way to turn an otherwise forgettable film in to something utterly objectionable.

      Why did you find the ending of A.I. objectionable?

        The whole resurrection bit was silly to the point of being offensive.

        For example: Either the hair can create an exact replica of a long dead person with all the associated life content of that person intact, rather than just a gentically similar individual, which is itself quite difficult to swallow OR the majority if not all of 'Monica' is actually the result of David's memories which makes the whole particular human tissue requirement totally superfluous.

        There are a range of issues with the processs that make no sense and From the sci fi perspective "because advanced technology" doesn't offer an way out of a mess.

        If the result had been interesting I might have just suspended disbelief. But ultimately it was just a dumb plot device used to get to a sickly sweet feel good ending.

        After sitting through that film and hoping to find somthing rewarding in the experience, I instead get served a sugar coated turd.

      Oh I hated that movie too. But not just the end which I agree was just so crap. It made how depressing and ugly the rest of the film was into something truly, truly awful. I actually thought the premise had a lot of potential too, almost like Azimov's short story the bicentennial man.

    In recent history, I'd remove Enders Game. It's one of the most unnecessary movies I've ever seen. Everything about the movie was meh and forgettable.

    The friday the 13th remake is up there, so is The Village by M Night Shamalyan all just really forgettable movies that the world could do without

      Oh yeah, The Village was absolute crap. The only M. Night Shayamalan movie I've ever seen that I actually liked was Signs, and maybe Devil.

        Devil was awesome. And Signs was brilliant until the end, for me at least.

      I was so excited for the Friday remake. I almost cried when they had him pick up a bow and arrow and shoot a dude in a speed boat from like 100m away. That just goes against everything. sigh.

        Didn't "he" do that in the original Friday the 13th? I'm pretty sketchy on the details but I remember there was archery involved.

          Nope. The first was mrs. vorhees but aside from that I can't recall any archery in any friday movie aside from the remake.

    Man, there are so many it's hard to choose just one. The most recent one that comes to mind is Transformers: Age Of Extinction. It was nothing more than a massive steaming turd, and a big f*** you to fans of the original cartoon.

    Totally agree with Indy 4, should never have been made. I don't ever want it in my collection, but part of me wants it just for completeness, even if it stays in the plastic forever.

    One of my work colleagues recently told me that she'd only ever seen one Indy movie, and it was 4. Couldn't believe the only Indy movie she'd ever seen was the worst one.

    The last 2 matrix movies.

      I used to agree with that.... absolutely.

      In fact, I sort of still do.

      Upon watching them again recently, I realised that the stories actually aren't the problem. It literally is that they should not have been made.
      A lot of people are annoyed about the ending, but I mean..... what other outcome could there have been? A rag-tag clan of humans can't ever hope to beat the machines...... what was required literally was some sort of 'divine' intervention bullshit.

      I feel like they wanted to cash on the Matrix universe and realised there wasn't any logical way to make two more films, yet did anyway.....

    Metroid: Other M

      Metroid database did a poll on it & everyone who did the poll was mostly neutral, plus there are fans who have defended the games,such as the wikias and the website i mentioned before,as you can tell,i am neutral about the game

        Dude, I can't tell anything about you other than the fact you have far too great an obsession with lore and fanfic and other conspiracy theory type stuff.

        I've defended Other M too, I love it as a Metroid game. I hate it as an entry on the Metroid timeline, and pretend it doesn't exist. This post was a joke referring to that, especially in regards to how it had a "movie mode" that just played through all the cutscenes. Because the story side to it was terrible.

      :( I still think that game was a lot of fun and up there with Prime

        See above :P

        The game? Yes. It was a near-perfect expansion of 2D Metroid into 3D space. The story? God no. It both copied and undermined basically everything that was set out in Fusion.

        One of my friends had a theory that it was actually a movie adaptation of the whole series, which I think fits pretty well. And also neatly places it outside of canon :P

    Only 1 movie? Damn! If it was a whole series I would say every Michael Bay Transformers movie. Just one movie though? Hmmm, I would have to say Dragonball Evolution. Sure, Crystal Skulls wasn't great but Dragonball Evolution was just ... there is no word for how shit it was.

    Last edited 21/10/14 11:48 am

      This, Transformers movies have made me hate Transformers.

Join the discussion!