It’s so easy to resort to lazy and hurtful stereotypes whenever we talk about orcs. If nothing else, Middle-Earth: Shadow of Mordorshows us how disrespectful this is. These monsters may be hideous, but they’re also individuals with hopes and dreams — unique and precious like snowflakes. Let’s celebrate them as such.
What follows is a (heavily curated) selection of the best orcs that Kotaku has encountered in its adventures throughout Mordor so far. Enjoy.
I’ve certainly had a hard time killing caragors. But I guess some of us haven’t. Rub it in, why don’t you?
With a name like “Man-Breaker,” I guess you’ve already got your career picked out for you…
Ditto for “Flesh-Render.” Imagine trying to apply for an IT job with that on your resume.
Latbag the Reckless
Latbag, you keep trying to kill me and it never seems to work out. When will you ever learn? Just look at your face, man!
I get that Mordor can be chilly sometimes, but is a flaming headpiece really necessary Tugog?
Thakrak the Hell-Hawk
Dude, seriously? You’re coming at me in a big bird costume and you expect me to be scared of you? Do you know how many of your orc friends I’ve killed at this point?
Welp, down I go! I’m sorry for insulting your feathers, Hell-Hawk. They’re very nice and fluffy and totally don’t make you look like a drag queen.
You know, Bolg, I have a great dermatologist I can put you in touch with.
Ghura Prison Master
I know you’re the “Prison Master” and all, but do you always have to look so grumpy?
Kuga the Gorger
Pssst. Hey, Kuga. You got a little something on your face. Up a little bit. No, not there. Here, just let me get it for you —
Ok, ok, fine! Sorry. God, I was just trying to be helpful.
Otha the Pathetic
Otha, hasn’t Latbag taught you anything about trying to challenge me? No wonder your last name is pathetic! Go take a long look at those scars in the mirror and think about what you’ve done.
Ushak the Proud
I’d make fun of you for being an old coot, Ushak. But then I’d have to admit that I still haven’t managed to kill you yet. I’ll be back soon — don’t worry.
Ok, that’s enough orcs for one day I think. Actually, what am I saying — you can never have too many orcs. Please share some of your favourite bad guys from Shadow of Mordor below, and I’ll keep the list going!