The Future Of Games Journalism Is Rap Reviews

I'm sick to death of previews and reviews I have to read. Bugger that. And YouTube Let's Plays? Totally passé. Video game reviews via the medium of rap. That's the future of games journalism. Rap reviews.

Australian rapper Ezquyre from Port Macquarie has been playing a lot of the Battlefield Hardline beta. He has some thoughts to share. But he isn't trying to be PewDiePie, he isn't posting on his Tumblr. He's dropping some dope Battlefield Hardline lyrics over a phat beat ya heard?

(That's how the kids are talking these days, right?)

Anyway, this is the kind of thing that should be totally cringe-worthy, but it actually works!

Ezquyre got in touch with us and sent us the lyrics in full for those following along at home.

VERSE 1 Battlefield Hardline, A series reborn, No longer left to the army, Cops and robbers leave the world torn, Where we use to have jeeps, Been replaced by sports cars, Now we got Bankjob, Instead of Grand Bazaar, All the names have changed, But the classes are there, Where once were OP, Now some are left in despair, We see the fond return, Of a fabulous netcode, So finally we get kills, When our bullets unload,
So all the best parts, Of Battlefield 4, Make a return in some form, So unlocking things isn't such a big chore, We got Battle pick ups, And Battlepacks too, So once your done buying guns, Use a pickup and review, Whether your new to the series , Or a battle-hardened veteran, Go buy the game, And pick up your weapon, So March 17th, I know what ill be doing, Trying to hit level 150, Yeah that's what i'm pursuing.
CHORUS Battlefield Hardline Whether you serve and protect, Or rob people blind, In the end its all about paychecks, So whether you just observe, Or push in and wreck, Play for the win, Or else ill come take it,
Battlefield Hardline Whether you serve and protect, Or rob people blind, In the end its all about paychecks, So whether you just observe, Or push in and wreck, Play for the win, Or else ill come take it.
VERSE 2 As a cop, You're enforcing with that M16, Defending the general public, Leading that blue collar dream, You stick to the book, Its all about the serve and protect, Arresting criminal scum, And filling them with deep regret, Lets make the streets cleaner, Scrape the scum from the ground, Leave no stone unturned, And no banger left unfound, So make sure that batons ready, And that tasers charged, Cause there's work to do, And we got perps at large,
But As a thief, Your dropping bombs with that AKM, Stealing straight from the vault, Who cares about dem ATMs, Rock that gold plated UZI, Feeling fresh to death, But If the cops throw tear gas, You better hold your dahm breath, Now to be a crim, You gotta have no morals, And never be afraid to kill, To solve your quarels, So are you up for glory, If so grab all the loot, And be quick, Or get grabbed by a man in police suit.
CHORUS Battlefield Hardline Whether you serve and protect, Or rob people blind, In the end, its all about paychecks, So whether you just observe, Or push in and wreck, Play for the win, Or else ill come take it,
Battlefield Hardline Whether you serve and protect, Or rob people blind, In the end, its all about paychecks, So whether you just observe, Or push in and wreck, Play for the win, Or else ill come take it,
VERSE 3 Yeah Hardlines different, Yes its not militaristic, But its a dahm great game, So please be idealistic, How about we takes a second, Lets all be realistic, Its better then CoD, That series, so parasitic, BFH really is, A change for the better, And some of the mechanics, Are developmental trend setters, We should all congratulate, Visceral for their success, Releasing a game, The whole community does not detest,
Finally there is game, Where esport can flourish, Future pro gamers can sprout, BFH will nourish, Get back to the gunplay, Instead of worrying about glitches, Hopefully Visceral will be on top, Of any game fixes, So lets hold Hardline high, And pray to the sky, That this leads to a good future, Wish bad times goodbye, This game is the savior, To break our routines, So where were you when Battlefield changed? March 17.


Comments

    Thanks for putting this out there Mark. I hope a lot more people will get to enjoy my gaming music. I'm planning on doing more songs for new games that will be getting released this year :)

    Facebook: www.facebook.com/ezquyremusic
    Twitter: www.twitter.com/hellsghetto
    Youtube: www.youtube.com/maybewecrazy
    Soundcloud: www.soundcloud.com/andrew-partridge-7

    Last edited 16/02/15 4:26 pm

    Tell me what game you guys and girls would like to see me do a song on next?!?

    That's funny, I've found the future of game journalism could be divined by checking reddit. Ziiiiiing.

    The metre/phrasing seems off in a lot of places, but the idea is kinda cool.

    Oh dear God, really? This is grim news indeed. Please tell us how we avert this bleak journalistic apocalypse, Mark? The Dark Days of Rap Reviews must never come to pass.

    I'mma let you finish, but Evolv'e had one of the best marketing agreements of ALL TIME!

    Judging from the rhythm of the lyrics (I haven't listened to the song) the dude's a basic rapper that would sound at home on an old Ice-T beat or Everlast song. Basic basic basic rap here.

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