A Weird Solution For Bloodborne's Loading Times -- Exercise

Bloodborne's loading times meander from the tolerable to the utterly insufferable. This is known. And in a game where players tend to die fairly frequently, it's a problem. But I have the solution! The solution is exercise. For the past week or so I've been building myself an exercise regime designed specifically for Bloodborne's ridiculous loading times.

I'm serious. I'm deadly serious.

This regime is fairly simple and based on High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) principles: short, intense bursts of exercise for 20-40 second periods. Go as hard as you can for a short period of time -- this type of exercise is most efficient when it comes to burning fat and helping increase a base level of aerobic fitness.


A Couple Of Disclaimers

This method isn't necessarily the best way to partake in HIIT. Typically this type of training works on a 2:1 work to recovery ratio, the idea being that you exercise intensely for a short period of time (say 40 seconds) and then rest for half that period (in this example 20 seconds). That's not really possible with Bloodborne. Most likely you are going to exercise for 20-40 seconds and then play the game for... well, any amount of time really. Could be one minute, could be one hour.

Where this exercise regime shines is during a particularly difficult boss battle. You are dying frequently, with regularity, with two or three minutes.


The rules

This regime is actually extremely simple. You want to take roughly six to eight separate exercises and rotate them. Below I've demonstrated six exercises in the order that I would do them, ranging from easy going to strenuous to relatively easy again. The idea here is that you peak in the middle ad ease off towards the end -- not in the intensity of how you exercise, but in terms of the actual exercise itself.

-- Go hard. I know this sounds like macho bullshit, but the point of high intensity training is in the name. If you don't go at full pelt from start to finish you won't get the full benefit of the exercise. -- Go from the very second you die. Bloodborne loading screens are often long, but they can also be short. You want to be doing these exercises for 30 seconds if possible. -- Stop doing it when you feel like you can't go at full intensity. When doing a HIIT workout, this normally means six to eight periods. Doing things with a longer break between might allow you to go harder. -- If possible, get yourself a nice yoga or pilates mat. Might as well exercise in comfort. -- Please forgive me for the sheer cheeseball nature of some of these instructional videos! They are helpful! -- Please don't kill yourself. You're going to die enough in Bloodborne. Let's keep the physical damage virtual.


Exercise 1: Star Jumps

Let's start easy. Everyone can do a star jump, right? But can you do it at 100% intensity for the duration of a Bloodborne loading screen? That's the question. Remember, go hard. This is a low impact exercise and gets your entire body ready for future exercise.


Exercise 2: Squats

I hate squats. Everyone hates squats. But squats are important. FACT: did you know that high volume squats are a great way to get your body to produce more testosterone? Also, studies have shown they are the most important exercise if you want to live for a long time. Most old people will decline rapidly after having a fall. Squats help you avoid that fall.

Squats: they seem easy in isolation, but trying doing them non-stop for 30-40 seconds. It's hard.


Exercise 3: Burpees

Here's a cool fact about the burpee: it was invented in the 1930s by an American physiologist by the name of Royal H. Burpee. The Burpee was basically the end result of his PhD as the perfect all-round fitness exercise for people who didn't have access to equipment. The United States Armed Forces used it as a way to assess the fitness of candidates when recruiting for World War II.

They will destroy you.


Exercise 4: Plank

This is less of a high intensity exercise and more of an endurance thing. Consider it a wee break. Planks can scale with your ability. Why not watch the ridiculously shredded man above teach you multiple different types and decide which one works for you.

Planks are a pretty hardcore mental and physical challenge. Try and keep it going for the entire length of the loading screen.


Exercise 5: Standing Jumps

Alright, we're cranking things up a notch. Standing jumps are hard. They require explosive bursts of energy and absorbing the jump is sort of like a mini-squat. TL;DR: your buttcheeks are gonna have a bad time.


Exercise 6: Push-ups

Everyone knows what push-ups are! If you can't do push-ups for the entire loading screen make sure you switch to the easier one where you push-up from your knees.

But...

Really try and push yourself, that's the point of high intensity training.


Exercise 7: Run On The Spot

Simple. Extremely difficult. Run on the spot as hard as you can. Actually as hard as you can until the game reloads. This is the second last exercise. You're almost done!


Exercise 8: Bicycle Crunches

Okay, this is the last one. If you do it for 30 seconds straight it's going to absolutely destroy your core. This sounds bad. It sounds like the end of a Star Wars movie, but it's probably a good thing. Probably.

The video above does a good job of explaining precisely how a bicycle crunch works. I always leave this exercise till last because you get to lie on your back, which sort of feels like a rest, and it's just a good way to drain every last bit of energy from your body.

Good times. <hr And that's it! A full body workout whilst playing a video game! Like I mentioned before feel free to switch these exercises around or Google for more around the web. There are plenty of body weight style exercises that you can do without gym equipment whilst playing video games. What's really required is the motivation to follow through and do the exercises.

I honestly found it helpful on two fronts. Firstly, I was getting some exercise in. Secondly, it gave me a space with which to vent my rage! This is particularly applicable during difficult boss fights where you may find yourself dying a ton of times. After exercise I felt better. It's like hitting the reset button -- figuratively instead of literally -- and giving yourself the chance to come back with a clearer mind.


Comments

    Maybe it's just me. Maybe I got lucky. But I don't think the load times for Bloodborne are any worse than for the Souls games. The screen is blander, obviously, with no interesting tidbits to keep our attentions diverted from waiting, but that's the only significant difference I've noticed.

    That said, a few seconds of exercise a day might not be a bad idea. It's more than I'm getting now :P

      Coming from playing Dark Souls 2 on pc where the loading times were almost instant I'm finding it pretty noticeable. Really wish they had some lore on the screen to read while waiting. Gaming mostly on pc things normally load too fast to read the lore, and now I'm playing a slow loading game and there is no lore. It's just not fair.

      I agree about the loading screens. I use them as a moment to try to regain my zen after the wild adrenalin surge caused by the near-death (and then death) experience. At their longest, I'd only find them to be perhaps a few seconds too long. 30 seconds seems reasonable.

    This would be a good practice to get into, especially since the cycle for me goes like this:

    Play Bloodborne > Die > Mouthful of beer > Play Bloodborne > Die > Mouthful of beer > etc, etc.

    It's a vicious cycle when doing PvP or taking on a harder area.

      Actually this is a much much better idea.

      Drinking beer while playing Bloodborne will increase the amount you die, resulting in you drinking more beer, causing you to die, causing you to drink more beer, it will never stop.

      Ha ha, I was doing this last night, except I ended up forgetting about the beer after about two or three mouthfuls.

    I used to do similar in Skyrim when I was mining. Start mining and then do squats pushups for the time when you are swinging the pick

    If I wanted to do exercise while I played videogames I would have....I dont know how to finish this sentence.

      Bought a Kinect? Or Wii exercise or whatever it was called?

    "This sounds bad. It sounds like the end of a Star Wars movie"

    I LOL'd.

    But seriously I've been doing this for ages, in between commercials on tv, waiting for things to load or documents to save. Just chuck a bunch of push ups or situps in there, great idea.

    Heh, one of the guys at work did something like this. The server was taking so long to apply the updates he was making, he started doing pushups in the time he was waiting for it to finish. I think it was more about making a point to everyone of just how slow it was going though, rather than actually achieving anything :P

    this can be good or bad, i see the great idea of getting your exercise in throughout the day but it's not good for you muscles to be constantly heated and cooled in a small time span.

    Awesome idea! The only downside is that, as a pc gamer, the loading times are cut due to ssds... Maybe I'll just stop on a regular basis and smash a minute out when gaming...

    By the time you figure in standing up, putting down controller, moving into space for exercise, finishing exercise, picking up controller and returning to play within loading time, you're lucky if you get 10-15 seconds of 'exercise' in.

    Also, doing that to your body straight from sedentary without warming up is a very, very stupid thing indeed.

    The only benefit you will get from this is placebo. And advertising views. And the amusing image of a number of portly gents giving it a go and thinking 'NOW I CAN EAT THAT PACKET OF TIM TAMS WITHOUT GUILT' after vaguely flapping their arms for 8 seconds.

    Disclaimer - I would eat the Tim Tams too.

    Double Disclaimer - But I lift, bro.

    Last edited 31/03/15 1:59 pm

    Many years ago I used to do this with barbell curls and push-ups/sit-ups when watching TV. Any time an ad-break came on, I'd smash out a set of whatever exercise in the couple minutes the ads would take, then I'd have the rest of the actual show as a breather.

    Unfortunately, I was watching live Foxtel. Damn near fucking killed me from exhaustion.

    My wife does not approve of a sweaty lounge room so exercise is not an option. I have though put the time to good use by getting odd jobs done like folding and ironing washing and even loading the dishwasher.

    There's a reason high intensity training happens in short quick bursts with small breaks. It's because your heart rate has risen and is expecting physically strenous activity. You know how they say you should always stretch before working out? It's so that you ease your body into a state where its ready for physical activity. Anyone following this advice who rushes into a high intensity workout for 40 seconds and then sits stationary for more than 2 minutes is going to injure themselves if they jump back into a high intensity workout; and with repeated exposure damage their cardiac muscles due to the stress you will be placing on your heart.

    Edit: After typing this I realized I don't really care to argue about it; so everyone who disagrees please do me a favour don't reply and just implement this routine and enjoy the after effects.

    Last edited 31/03/15 2:11 pm

      Given that your final sentence sounds like you are wishing death on those who disagree with you, I would like to state my agreeance up front :P

        Lol well I was asking myself why am I cautioning a person who doesn't want to watch out for their safety to watch out for their safety? Seems counter-intuitive to me.

          Someone might but just doesn't know, you totally would have helped them.

      I dunno...my heart's racing pretty fast when I die in Bloodborne! :P

    Lol the load times really aren't that bad and it's kind of irritating to see people constantly complain about it. Games like Destiny and GTA are much worse.

    Been trying something similar with Battlefield 4 at the moment (might of seen it on here!). 5 push ups or situps on death.

    I've been far more careful lately...

    Everything outside of Bloodborne needs to support me emotionally in playing Bloodborne. If the penalty for dying now become "GIVE ME TEN!" I'm pretty sure I would subconsciously begin resenting the game for adding extra exercise on top of my already reasonable regime.

    Geezuz christ, these Bloodborne articles are a new low for kotaku. Here's a new Bloodborne article about exercise. For crying out loud, we know you all love Dark Souls 1/2 & Bloodborne.

    We don't need daily updates about it.

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