Bloodborne's loading times meander from the tolerable to the utterly insufferable. This is known. And in a game where players tend to die fairly frequently, it's a problem. But I have the solution! The solution is exercise. For the past week or so I've been building myself an exercise regime designed specifically for Bloodborne's ridiculous loading times.
I'm serious. I'm deadly serious.
This regime is fairly simple and based on High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) principles: short, intense bursts of exercise for 20-40 second periods. Go as hard as you can for a short period of time — this type of exercise is most efficient when it comes to burning fat and helping increase a base level of aerobic fitness.
A Couple Of Disclaimers
This method isn't necessarily the best way to partake in HIIT. Typically this type of training works on a 2:1 work to recovery ratio, the idea being that you exercise intensely for a short period of time (say 40 seconds) and then rest for half that period (in this example 20 seconds). That's not really possible with Bloodborne. Most likely you are going to exercise for 20-40 seconds and then play the game for... well, any amount of time really. Could be one minute, could be one hour.
Where this exercise regime shines is during a particularly difficult boss battle. You are dying frequently, with regularity, with two or three minutes.
This regime is actually extremely simple. You want to take roughly six to eight separate exercises and rotate them. Below I've demonstrated six exercises in the order that I would do them, ranging from easy going to strenuous to relatively easy again. The idea here is that you peak in the middle ad ease off towards the end — not in the intensity of how you exercise, but in terms of the actual exercise itself.
— Go hard. I know this sounds like macho bullshit, but the point of high intensity training is in the name. If you don't go at full pelt from start to finish you won't get the full benefit of the exercise. — Go from the very second you die. Bloodborne loading screens are often long, but they can also be short. You want to be doing these exercises for 30 seconds if possible. — Stop doing it when you feel like you can't go at full intensity. When doing a HIIT workout, this normally means six to eight periods. Doing things with a longer break between might allow you to go harder. — If possible, get yourself a nice yoga or pilates mat. Might as well exercise in comfort. — Please forgive me for the sheer cheeseball nature of some of these instructional videos! They are helpful! — Please don't kill yourself. You're going to die enough in Bloodborne. Let's keep the physical damage virtual.
Exercise 1: Star Jumps
Let's start easy. Everyone can do a star jump, right? But can you do it at 100% intensity for the duration of a Bloodborne loading screen? That's the question. Remember, go hard. This is a low impact exercise and gets your entire body ready for future exercise.
Exercise 2: Squats
I hate squats. Everyone hates squats. But squats are important. FACT: did you know that high volume squats are a great way to get your body to produce more testosterone? Also, studies have shown they are the most important exercise if you want to live for a long time. Most old people will decline rapidly after having a fall. Squats help you avoid that fall.
Squats: they seem easy in isolation, but trying doing them non-stop for 30-40 seconds. It's hard.
Exercise 3: Burpees
Here's a cool fact about the burpee: it was invented in the 1930s by an American physiologist by the name of Royal H. Burpee. The Burpee was basically the end result of his PhD as the perfect all-round fitness exercise for people who didn't have access to equipment. The United States Armed Forces used it as a way to assess the fitness of candidates when recruiting for World War II.
They will destroy you.
Exercise 4: Plank
This is less of a high intensity exercise and more of an endurance thing. Consider it a wee break. Planks can scale with your ability. Why not watch the ridiculously shredded man above teach you multiple different types and decide which one works for you.
Planks are a pretty hardcore mental and physical challenge. Try and keep it going for the entire length of the loading screen.
Exercise 5: Standing Jumps
Alright, we're cranking things up a notch. Standing jumps are hard. They require explosive bursts of energy and absorbing the jump is sort of like a mini-squat. TL;DR: your buttcheeks are gonna have a bad time.
Exercise 6: Push-ups
Everyone knows what push-ups are! If you can't do push-ups for the entire loading screen make sure you switch to the easier one where you push-up from your knees.
Really try and push yourself, that's the point of high intensity training.
Exercise 7: Run On The Spot
Simple. Extremely difficult. Run on the spot as hard as you can. Actually as hard as you can until the game reloads. This is the second last exercise. You're almost done!
Exercise 8: Bicycle Crunches
Okay, this is the last one. If you do it for 30 seconds straight it's going to absolutely destroy your core. This sounds bad. It sounds like the end of a Star Wars movie, but it's probably a good thing. Probably.
The video above does a good job of explaining precisely how a bicycle crunch works. I always leave this exercise till last because you get to lie on your back, which sort of feels like a rest, and it's just a good way to drain every last bit of energy from your body.
Good times. <hr And that's it! A full body workout whilst playing a video game! Like I mentioned before feel free to switch these exercises around or Google for more around the web. There are plenty of body weight style exercises that you can do without gym equipment whilst playing video games. What's really required is the motivation to follow through and do the exercises.
I honestly found it helpful on two fronts. Firstly, I was getting some exercise in. Secondly, it gave me a space with which to vent my rage! This is particularly applicable during difficult boss fights where you may find yourself dying a ton of times. After exercise I felt better. It's like hitting the reset button — figuratively instead of literally — and giving yourself the chance to come back with a clearer mind.