Kotaku US 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

So many amazingly horrific entries last week, but the winner is a simple, iconic image of Link from The Legend of Zelda playing the lovely "Song of Arse Storms."

All we wanted to do was show the folks in charge of Hot Pockets marketing how to properly tie their product in with video games. They weren't doing it correctly, and I figured we could help.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

SeaBeastRising certainly helped. One can almost believe an elf-eared child from a fantasy land could nibble on one of these horrible things without instantly dropping dead. Lovely job!

Enjoy it while you can. It's all pretty much downhill from here. No dicks, but at least one man obscuring -- yeah, we'll say that -- obscuring his dick with a Hot Pocket. I would stress that neither I nor this contest are affiliated with Hot Pockets in any was, but I'll just let the image of one getting nailed by a video game character speak for itself.

This was a great idea.

This Week's Lukewarm Pockets

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

jtotheoel -- for something worse than two girls, one roach.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

FluidIce -- for what is strangely the most suggestive shop of the contest.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

Lector -- for the best of many Kojima shops.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

moominsean -- for making it all sexy

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

Stannis Baratheon's Red Pen -- for requiring Kinect

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

Mac Ataak -- because the similarities are uncanny.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

Mrichston -- for getting so much horror in one image.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

Berserkerrr -- Fatality.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

LiveatColdRice -- because this image is beautiful.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

uscg_pa -- because this makes a lot of sense.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

abracadaniel -- probably would have won had he just posted the image instead of being all coy!

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

kokken -- for being all sneaky.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

shinnen -- there are other places to buy Amiibo, people!

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

99Typhoons -- just for "become even legender".

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

Slappyslap -- for being all mean at Activision.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

slicedgeek -- because it toally counts as sandvich.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

Ginger Snap -- it's dangerous to eat that.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

skibum232 -- because 8-bit Hot Pockets are indeed the stuff of nightmares.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

MrDeadScott -- for giving Gearbox bad ideas.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

Cartoonivore -- for adding the Rumble Pak.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

Megakay -- for being more nutrition conscious.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

Xbattousai666 -- for referencing The Core, of all things.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

Fizziks -- but you don't bake Hot Pockets...or did you mean something else?

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

Andrew -- for killing us softly from inside.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

Ganonthegreat1 -- for killing our childhood friends and making us eat them.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

Zedrue -- because I have no clue.

And of course...

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Hot Pockets: The Winners!

SeaBeastRising -- for the win!

I have no idea where to go from here. Join us later this evening for our next 'Shop Contest, Different Shades Of Green.


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