Competitive Pokémon Website Trolls Sad Pokémon

Cute as they can be, some Pokémon just aren’t meant to be on a serious team. The leading competitive Pokémon website out there knows this, and it’s not afraid to take some hilarious shots at some pocket monsters because of it.

Smogon is a website where competitive Pokemon players convene, and talk strategy. If you ever want to figure out what sort of build to give a Pokémon, or how to construct a team, Smogon is a good bet. They have got individual pages for pretty much every Pokémon, each one with its own analysis and movesets.

A typical page looks a bit like this:

[One of Gengar’s pages on Smogon]

As you can see, it’s helpful, informative…but also kind of dry. Not a knock on Smogon of course; people want certain information up-front when checking out these pages, and Gengar’s write-up does exactly that. Amusingly, not every single Pokemon page is like that though. TooFewOtters from Reddit encourages us to look at Delibird’s page, for example:

Daaang. Delibird is gonna need a burn heal after that. I can’t get over how different this page is to your average Smogon write-up, too. It might just be my favourite analysis on Smogon now. Best part is, the Black and White strategy page for Delibird goes on like this. Just shitting on Delibird over and over again:

Every day Delibird is hustlin’, and this set is no exception. The combination of Choice Band and Hustle allows Delibird’s Attack to approach barely usable levels, and then the fun begins. Hustle makes Delibird miss its target more than fellow frosty bird Sarah Palin misses the point, so the never-miss Aerial Ace will be its best friend. Ice Shard bypasses Delibird’s mediocre Speed, but if you’re feeling particularly foolhardy and confident that Delibird will survive the turn, why not let it fire off an Ice Punch, the stronger STAB option on this set. Focus Punch and Brick Break are there to irritate the Rock- and Steel-types that are the bane of Delibird’s existence, but it’s just delaying the inevitable conclusion of Delibird being pulverized into a pile of red snow.

Much like the average New York gigolo, this Delibird will be coming and going a lot, and unfortunately its typing means that it gets a whopping 50% of its health clipped away by Stealth Rock every time it switches in, so Rapid Spin support is essential. Wartortle is probably the most adequate choice, as it doesn’t double up on any weaknesses with Delibird. Spinda also learns Rapid Spin, and could be partnered with Delibird in an effort to psyche out your opponent. If the team looks this bad, then the strategy must be immaculate, right?

Seed Bomb could be used in the last slot to bring discomfiture to Water-types that switch in hoping to wall Delibird’s icy assaults; keep in mind, however, that Delibird will bomb harder than any seeds ever could. Adamant could be used over Jolly for an additional boost in power, but the idea of running anything but Jolly on this wintertime courier just seems blasphemous.

Ha. Looking into it further, I found that Smogon does have a few more entries like this scattered throughout the website. Not many — most write-ups are serious and intense, like Gengar’s. But for Pokémon that just aren’t competitively viable? Things can get kind of silly sometimes.

Luvdisc, potentially the most disliked Pokémon of all:

Farfetch’d, everyone’s favourite leek spinner:

Spinda, the dizziest of all Pokémon:

Castform

As harsh (and funny) as some of these entries are, I gotta give it to Smogon: they aren’t mincing words here! Some Pokémon are just not good, at least when it comes to the competitive metagame. Might as well have some fun while delivering the bad news.

You can check out more Pokémon pages on Smogon here.