Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

Last week Kotaku US asked its readers to fix The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt's missing penis problem. Our readers responded with the stuff of endless nightmares.

The only rule was no actual genitalia, which only encouraged them. When you scroll through this week's runners-up, you will see things you can never erase from your brain. You have been warned.

Luckily for everyone involved, this week's winner (who also happens to be last week's winner, go figure) kept things relatively PG-13. Sure, Geralt's dick is in that box and yes, Princess Peach seems very excited about what might happen should she hit that box, but if you don't think about it Cartoonivore's creation is just another adorable Nintendo game. Maybe they will announce this at E3.

Now here comes the nightmares.

This Week's Almost Winning Dick Substitutes

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

Brandon0151 -- ah, the good old Kotaku pointing/NSFW fish. Pretty good start.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

MapleNinja -- hahaha, topical! The penis costs extra, like in Second Life!

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

Also_Ran -- OK, little less fun, but more disturbing. Does it hiss and then explode, ruining your stuff?

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

billysan -- oh, hi there.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

usga_pa -- AARRGHHHHHHHH!

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

Kopoop -- nice mash-up, but also a horrible, horrible mash-up.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

Goufunaki -- (just stares, mouth open in horror)

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

Necronaut -- awww, kitty.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

UI 2.0 -- It's retractable, and wireless!

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

Mrichston -- all we want is life beyond, the Witchermound.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

-Silver- -- my head hurts.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

AngryRider -- OUR STAR BLAZERS!

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

Ginger Snap -- Nothing to see here, move along.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

Kcity -- because this really disturbs me.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

Alecander -- he's a dirty, dirty liar.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

Sqarr -- the comparison we had to make.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

sciteach -- someone make sure his students see this.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

Fluidice -- for my favourite movie line ever.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

Z-Fox08 -- for demonstrating what happens when you play with yourself.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

Tommaton -- she just looks so happy.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

MonacleMask -- oh, we just needed to turn on HairWorks.

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

Guebitus -- what in God's name is happening here?

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

Fbs -- how did only one of you do this?

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

Mrichston Again -- Sweet Christ.

And of course...

Kotaku 'Shop Contest: Wild Junk: The Winners!

Cartoonivore -- for the win, and not just because it was one of the few I felt comfortable bigpiccing on the front page. But some of that.

Join us later today for....something, possibly.

WATCH MORE: Gaming News


Comments

    Honestly i feel the hidden Geralt in Geralts crotch shoulda won. That shits classy.

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