I was playing Super Mario Maker. This is what my wife said:
"If I had to choose between making a Mario level and dying, I'd choose death."
She actually said that.
So I did the only thing I could realistically do in this situation. I forced my wife to make a Mario level in Super Mario Maker.
Well, as much as I can force my wife to do anything.
First off: an explanation of sorts. My wife doesn't hate video games. She plays a lot of video games. Here are a list of video games my wife loves: Pikmin, The Sims, Rock Band, Critter Crunch, Pixel Junk Monsters, Until Dawn. A pretty diverse mix, right? My wife doesn't hate video games, she just doesn't really think about them all that much. But when my wife falls in love with something? It's over. It becomes an obsession.
I always thought my wife would love Mario. I always though that had the possibility of being an 'obsession'. Nope. Not even close. My wife hates Mario with a passion that is unnerving — and slightly illogical.
So why force her to make a level in Mario?
Well, I have a few reasons and not all of them are sadistic. The first one is this: my wife is hilarious when she's exasperated.
The second reason: I wanted to see how easy it was to make a Mario level. Not for someone who doesn't really play video games, more like for someone who doesn't have any interest in Mario. Someone who didn't really play Mario and — as such — doesn't have any real built up understanding of how a Mario level should work. Maybe that person's creation would be the most interesting level of all?
The third reason: a weird Reddit thread. That was kinda the inspiration. It was a thread that made a splash and was deleted quickly — a bizarre relationship thread on Reddit focused on Mario Maker. The short version: one girlfriend had been introduced to Mario Maker by her boyfriend. She started making levels and they were really good! So good in fact that her levels began scoring highly within the Mario Maker community.
That's when the boyfriend started getting angry.
He became so frustrated that his girlfriend's levels were scoring better than his that he actually locked his girlfriend out of the Wii U.
Yeah I didn't understand that. At all. If my wife ended up making spectacular Mario Maker levels? I'd be over the moon!
My wife did not make a spectacular Mario Maker level.
It wasn't really her fault. She was at home making the level and looking after our son at the same time. At this particular moment in time our son is obsessed with rocket ships and space and it just so happens that Mario Maker's 'obliterate your entire level and start from scratch' button is — you guessed it — a rocket ship. My wife estimates that our son reset her level 10 times. At least.
The end result was kinda bizarre. I'll let the video above do the talking, but it's strange. The normal rules that usually apply to Mario levels are completely absent. You are supposed to collect coins because coins are... actually I don't know the reason why. I think it's because my wife likes to obsessively collect stuff in video games.
I asked her to take me on a video tour.
She won't be making another Super Mario Maker level.