Some Rocket League players are just the worst. I am sorry. The absolute worst.
I've been playing solid for the last couple of months and I've been making a mental list from day one: the people who drive me crazy. The people who just... argh, ruin absolutely everything goddammit and make me lose matches all the time.
I really need to play less Rocket League. This is not good for my blood pressure.
So, just to get it all out of my system I wanted to do this. I wanted to create this comprehensive list. These are the Rocket League people who are the worst. The absolute worst.
People Who Rush The Ball At Kick Off No Matter What
These people are first on the list forever.
Okay. You start the match. You have an awkward spawn. The one when you're all the way at the back. NEWSFLASH: you are not going to get to the ball before a player on the opposing team. YOU ARE JUST NOT. Hang back! Relax. Play the goalkeeper, get ready for a rebound!
Anything's better that herp-a-derp let's all run towards the ball together hurray! I ALMOST GOT IT!
Crazy idea: just let everyone else know! It's super easy. At kick off, a simple message. If you have a good spawn: "I got it". If you have a spawn at the back: "defending". How easy is that?
I've seen it happen so many times, especially in 2v2. Both players rush the ball, you lose a goal. Next time no-one rushes the ball because 'whoops, I shouldn't have rushed the ball last time'. COMMUNICATION PEOPLE!
People Who Say 'Nice Shot' When You Score An Own Goal
These tears won't stop flowing.
People Who Chase The Ball Wherever It Goes ALL THE TIME
Look, I hate to be too harsh on these people, because we've all been here.
We just want to touch the ball, we just want to score the goal! We don't know these strangers, who gives a shit what they think? Who cares if we lose the match.
Yes, I was once like you. A terrible human being, just like you. Get it together ya dingus. Rocket League is a team sport in-so-far as I want to win so help me win ya big balloon. Learn to at least cover space. If I'm rushing forward to intercept, cover my back, protect the goal — anticipate where the ball is going to be. Don't just chase it like a headless chicken.
People Who Can't Hit Aerial Shots But Keep Trying Aerial Shots
Guys, there is a tutorial mode where you can practice this shit till you can actually do it.
Don't get me wrong, players who can land aerial shots with consistency take this game to the next level. I can't do it. I also don't try to do it constantly, leaving my goal wide open for some opportunistic bugger to score goals on me all night long.
People Who Steal My Goddamn Goals
The ball is going in. No-one is ever close to stopping it. Just leave it be. Let it go. Don't be a hero.
This happens all the time. All the time. Where is your sense of compassion? Are you devoid of empathy? You want to steal my goal with a shitty tap in just for the points?
People Who Crash Into Me Trying To Steal The Perfect Shot I Just Lined Up
May actually be worse than the people who steal my goddamn goals.
I worked for this. This is a surefire goal. Charging in at me sideways, sending me cascading across the map is not a good way to win my friendship.
People Who Are Just Too Good At Rocket League
I played a match against a Kotaku reader by the name of ShadowRize. ShadowRize is the worst. He goes for aerials and actually makes them — like 99% of the time.
He's impossible to score against.
He never misses a shot.
He anticipates your approach perfectly.
He's better than me.
He is the worst.
People Who Take The Game Way Too Seriously
Guilty. As. Charged.
People Who Don't Take The Game Seriously Enough
You guys need to step up your game.
Rocket League is full of terrible, terrible people. Did we miss any? Let us know below.