This has become something of an annual thing for me. I forget about Melbourne Cup day. I wander into the office. Everyone’s wearing hats except me.
Then I search for ‘horse racing games’ on YouTube and whoops! There goes the rest of my day.
Because Jesus wept, I don’t think there’s a weirder genre of video games in existence. You’re either dry humping molded plastic in an very public arcade, or doing weird things with your hands whilst playing Kinect. There’s no middle ground here.
Welcome to my annual post about weird horse games that I can’t believe exist.
Champion Jockey
Let’s start with my all-time favourite.
Everything about this — Everything — is world class. Everything.
Alicia Online
Alex found this one. Don’t blame me.
Weird Old Arcade Gambling Thing
I’ve actually played these. A lot. When I was a kid one of these could be found in every single dingy arcade. They were a bunch of bollocks. I never won money on this thing ever.
Minecraft
Apparently you can race horse in Minecraft. That doesn’t surprise me at all.
Final Furlong
Dear god. I have played this. I have dry humped a piece of plastic in a public setting.
Japan World Cup 3
Let’s end this with Japan World Cup 3. I don’t have the words to do this justice. This is not the World Cup I have been promised.
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