Microsoft Australia You BLOODY RIPPAH

Bloody oath, strewth ya gallahs. You won't bloody believe what those rippers at Microsoft 'Straya have done.

They've only bloody gone and offered true blue 'Strayans the best 'Straya Day present eva.


Can you believe this Jonno?

(Nah mate, it's bloody unbelievable Marko)

If you get your arse quick smart into the Microsoft Store tomorrow Microsoft will turn your bloody Australian controller from this:

Into bloody well this ya bastards!

Bloody hell, Microsoft's as smart as a dunny rat for coming up with that one, right Jonno?

(Right mate, it's a bloody ripper Marko)

But Microsoft, while yer at it maybe you can put together a few different options — for us TRUE BLUE AUSSIES that want a bit of bloody variety in our controller?

My GOOD TRUE AUSSIE MATE Luke Plunkett has chucked these ones down the tubes.

Like this ya blood drongo — a true Aussie legend:

Or this:

Or this:

(Ay Marko mate, that's a ripper)

Thanks Jonno. My mate Luke is as funny as a fart in an elevator with this shit.

Right ya bastards. I'm off to woolies for a few tinnies and a leg of lamb for the barbie. The boys are all coming round tomorrow. If we get a minute we're gonna jump in the ute and get our bludging arses down to the Microsoft Store for some of this shit, right Jonno?

(Too bloody right Marko)

Bloody oath, flaming galah, what's ya favourite colour — balooh?


    *wipes tear*
    That. Was. Gold.
    Good on ya Marko - 'Straya!

    Not a single c-bomb in this whole post. Starting to suspect that Mark isn't actually an Australian at all...

      I really, really wanted to. So bad.

        Do it! Go on - edit the article and put it in. You'll regret it forever if you don't.

        Have it as one of the controller designs ... or just put cuntroller

        But I thought the C Bomb was inherently scottish too!!! :O

        Australia day is the 'next' tuesday mate...

        Finish that bloody rippa of an article with

        C Use' Next Tuesday!

        Last edited 25/01/16 2:40 pm

          If you're using the plural "you", it's "yous", not "use " :P

          Last edited 25/01/16 3:02 pm

            C yoUs Next Tuesday!

            There, fixed :D

              Top shelf, just don't make the mistake again you bloody drongo.

                Listen you bloody codswollop, oi'l bloody 'ave you if ya keep this up!

                  whatya say ta' me cunt? ya sound like a bloody british cunt to me!!!

                  Roit m8. Lets fukn go aye? Fukn flamin galah streuth!

        Since Australia Day falls on Tuesday, you could have skipped in a cryptic C-bomb, and no one would have noticed, as in: "see you next Tuesday"

    This was way too coherent to be an actual Australian post.

      Mate he'll only have polished off one slab eh. Gotta save room for the dessert slab.

    lol this article is hilarious. Luke COSplayed Mark?

    As a foreign this hurt to read and I no longer want to go to Queensland next Saturday.

      Don't worry - as a local it was just as painful. :P

    At some point after enduring the cringe-nausea, my eyes glazed over at the wall of incomprehensible Ozgibberish and I ceased both understanding and even trying to.
    Is this what it's like to be foreign?

    Top effort, Mark.

    I want this on my controller:

    while i appreciate the smart cuntedness of the article.
    is there any more information on the process of said good news?

      Couldn't find the official source but it seems like it's in Sydney only:

      Last edited 25/01/16 2:49 pm

    Yeah nah fuckin ell ay! Hafta tell me mate Bruce wen he gets down from top paddock.

      Wrong reply...

      Last edited 25/01/16 2:50 pm

    Am I the only one that still read this in Mark's Scottish accent?

      Hahaha, glad it wasn't just me.

    Throws money at the Alf Stewart control pad. Double that thing up as a soundboard of famous Alf quotes.

      Better yet, soundboard of doodleburger's Alf Stewart. "Stay out of it shit tits"

    Mark, mate, you make fuckin fine bogan ya cunt

    This wouldn't be compete without using one to beat a immigrant while chugging a Woodstock in the line for centerlink while berating your pregnant defacto partner about buying the wrong smokes.

    Nothing says Celebrate Australia Day like buying an American product.

    Heck, I should go out and buy a General Motors pick-up truck, er I mean, a Holden ute.

    I'd actually pay for an Alf controller if it told me I was a flamin' galah every time I died or screwed up in a game.

    But its only for Sydney horses-hoofs!, ya cunning stunts.
    When I heard, me and Davo was running on empty, so we pulled over the you-bute, crossed the frog'n'toad and had to dodge a jo-blake t'was basking in the jelly-bun to hit the bakery for a pope's-eye with dead-orse. Washed it down with a pig's ear at the local whilst cursing the unaustralian Sydney only deal...kaaaarnts!!

    I want all of those Xbox One controllers. Take my money now.

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