Hi fellow parents. I know you’re out there. I need your help.
I want your advice: how the hell do you parent and play video games at the same time?
I now have two kids — one at three years old, the other just three months. Things are getting super tricky.
— You can’t really play violent games when kids are awake.
— You can’t really play into the night, because kids wake up and you’re already on zero sleep.
— You can’t really disappear into another room because um… children require supervision.
So yeah, it’s been pretty difficult for the last two or three years, but the last three months in particular — with the arrival of baby #2, have been very difficult.
So, parents! What do you do to maintain your gaming habits?
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73 responses to “Tell Us Dammit: How Do You Game And Parent?”
Still trying to figure this one out. My boy is 20 months, so he’s into everything and loves grabbing at controllers, which means – regardless of content – gaming while he’s up and around isn’t an option, but he doesn’t really have the attention span to attempt to get him to join in. Plus we’re trying to keep screen time to a minimum. He’s got plenty of years ahead of him to watch TV and the like.
So that leaves waiting till he goes to bed, but he’s not a great sleeper, so those sessions are pretty broken. And apart from that, we’re in a one bedroom apartment with one TV. Fortunately my partner is pretty accommodating and we try and alternate game nights and TV nights.
Long story short – I have a massive pile of shame and I imagine I’ll get to it when he’s 18 and has left home.
Got an old ps3 controller?! I find handing that to my two year old when playing something keeps him pretty occupied and he feels he is joining in. I have to play things like the Lego Movie or Little big planet but im a kid at heart so its a great excuse!
Yeah, the PS3 controller trick has worked a couple of times, but he’s not made the connection between that and the screen, so he’ll play with it a bit before going back to “Pay attention to me again!” mode, which is cool because I do enjoy hanging out with him.
Once he’s made a connection between the controller and the TV – that “this makes that go” logic – I think sitting down with a Lego game or LBP could be good. I’ve been grabbing anything that looks bright and colourful from PS+ too – Super Exploding Zoo or whatever it’s called looks pretty fun.
Yeah PS plus are good time wasting games generally – I just feel like when im playing them i could be trying to finish something in my pile of shame! lol
My lad has put that together – yours is probably not far off at 20 months mate – he holds the controller upside down and does things then looks at the tv to see what it does – So when he is on my controller he kinda navigates around a bit but then presses ps button or whatever and gives it to me because he thinks hes broken it!
Only got one but (1yo) and I already can’t unless she’s asleep or playing with her mum.
Hats off to any out there who can do both.
Although I 100% plan on having her sit on my lap with an unplugged controller one she decides she can sit still for longer than 10 seconds. But will only be with PG games… so Stardew Valley FTW
Option #3 plus some kind of cage sounds like a winner to me.
– On the bus
– After their bed time
– When they go to their own social events (birthday parties are awesome!)
– Build up a library of games and skills that enable them to play alongside you. Mostly Nintendo. Which is great, until they want to play that first fricking world of Super Mario 3D World for, literally, the hundredth time. Games like Lego or super hero games (or Lego AND super hero games) become more appropriate too once they reach school age.
This is pretty much what I do as well.
Yes. It’s amazing how much use we’ve gotten out of the Wii U now that the kids are growing up.
I can’t really answer this because I’m not a parent and don’t plan to be, but I have an anecdote anyway.
I had a job interview earlier this week and near the end of the interview the interviewer asked me if I had any hobbies. Reluctantly I mentioned gaming (I say reluctantly because I still don’t think it’s seen as a socially acceptable hobby for professional adults, which is total horseshit), which seemed to pique her interest and she engaged with me, asking follow up questions about what console I prefer, what games I’m currently playing, etc. At first I thought maybe this was a test to see how I speak when engaged on a personal interest (i.e.: breaking down my “interview” barrier) but instead we chatted for a couple of minutes about how she used to get a kick out of telling people that the Playstation belonged to her, not her husband, her love of Assassin’s Creed and how she hasn’t really played any since Black Flag because she had a child around that time.
So I guess gaming and parenting is a bit of a struggle.
Woot, hope you get the position 🙂
Ahhhh Serrels – Leading the good fight!
I have a few sneaky tricks – Remote play is a good one.
Got a 1 year old and 2 year old so i feel your pain! And when they are asleep the Mrs warrants that its time to spend watching MKR on the couch… not time for gaming… I get away with a good session some nights but I have to keep it to things i can be interrupted in!!!!
Remote play has been awesome at times and last night i was able to play on my Surface pro in the lounge room FINALLY with a DS4 to control with! Farcry Primal was great for it – UFC 2 not so much… Anything where you need to make quick successions of button presses is not going to be a fun time on remote play!
I have a few shameful moments to admit – I have often had them in their high chairs and set up the G29 on the dining table and had a few races on project cars – Only problem is it feels like the kids are in the back because you have to keep turning around!!!
My 1 year old was taking some time to settle sometimes recently so i had to try leave him for a few more minutes here and there – A quick game of Black ops 3 online with my headphones on took away all the stress and by the time one game was over he was asleep – i have done this on a few occasions and it doesnt ALWAYS work!
Too bad i cant post images – i have a great pic of my holding my first son wiht playstation controller in hand having a good thrash!!! When they are little its not so bad but when they can tell whats going on thats when it gets hard!!!
When my first was a newborn i used to stay up at night to let the Mrs sleep some and only bring him to her if he wouldnt settle and needed a feed – so sitting up with battlefield 4 on he would always wake up at the sound of gunfire no matter how quiet it was!!! But i could play ANYTHING else that was real loud!!! Made me think he was a soldier in a past life!
When my second child was born I had to take our eldest home (he was only 15 months at the time) while the Mrs stayed in hospital with the newborn for the first night as he was early. I felt so horrible but my lad went to sleep for me and the Mrs called and said she was going to sleep – I had Shadow of Mordor that i was waiting for a good time to start it so…. I sat up all night playing that while my son slept like a baby!!! Next night was the same and somehow some way I platinumed that game in a month – There’s something about just finding the right moments and not being upset when you cant continue to play!!!
I find being interrupted was something that used to annoy me but now not so much. I think the mentality is big here – Presume you are not going to have any time EVER!!! That way when you find time you simply enjoy it!
Have an 8 and 5 year old. After they go to bed it’s time with the wife until she goes to bed at 11ish then I can squeeze an hour or two in depending how wrecked I’m willing to tolerate being at 8 the next morning. Unless there’s something I really want to play and I’m allowed to occasionally spend an evening playing.
Having Mondays off helps when it’s not school holidays too.
I I used to do this but Mrs has been getting so clingy about spending time with me she wants me to come to bed with her now as well!!!
I do get the nights off when i tell her something like UFC2 came out – but that one night off turns into me trying to have every night for the next two weeks and she becomes rather unhappy with me 😉
Yes and yes. I get maybe 2 hours, 3 nights a week but I’m pretty content with that.
She knows next week is off limits though. Dark Souls takes priority 😛
Holy fuck – I stupidly got dark souls 2 when my first was pretty young – Completely forgot you cant pause it!!!
I dont know how i could wrap my mrs head around what that means!! She knows when im online i have limited movement and capability to understand her but in that she also knows the UFC fight or black ops dm will be over within a few minutes!!!
I would love to give dark souls 3 a good going – maybe well sit down and have a good talk about it 😉
Suspend is your friend as a parent 😉
You mean just go into rest mode and suspend the game?
I get that i could do that but i feel like i might have to do that multiple times in an hour sometimes…
I’m so keen to get into Dark Souls 3 but so apprehensive as i barely got anywhere in Dark Souls 2 and ended up trading it after not finding the time!
Yes it works wonders in Bloodborne, all you really have to do is hit that ps button and run off to tend to whatever emergency is occurring. Sometimes I haven’t been able to return till the following night and it’s been all good!
Oh you mean not even go into Rest mode just suspend by going home. Some games do work some dont – as in i use this to pause cut scenes for certain games when then house gets loud with crying and screaming lol. Every time i play a new game i try it and see if the cut scene plays in the background or not – most dont but some still do which annoys the shit out of me because its usually the ones that do still play dont let you pause!!!
If it helps, if you have Netflix/stan, you hit the ps button and launch Netflix or the like, it will suspend every game (that I have tried so far, including the Division), don’t have to do anything in Netflix, just hit launch
Oh god… I understand the temptation but those kind of sleeping hours are going to take a toll! How long do you think you can do it?
12 years and counting so far.
…
…..
Probably why I had a stroke last year…
You had a stroke?! Jesus! That sucks.
I do a lot of handheld gaming while I commute to work and on my lunch break. Helps to scratch that itch. At home, I game at night when the little one is sleeping, Vita remote play helps there too as it is quieter and frees up the TV for the wife to relax.
I’m probably playing a few more child friendly titles (like the new MLB game or racing games) too which helps if the kid is occupying herself in the same room.
I do have a few rules though, make sure the house is tidy and family relationships come first.
Late night gaming is fine with headphones, or quietly if the kids room is far enough away from the gaming setup. I’ve adopted mobile gaming as my mainstay to address point 3, though I try to maintain enough focus to keep on parenting reasonably.
I maintain my gaming by having only the furry, four legged variety of children. They’re happy so long as I feed them on time, walk/run the ones that bark, and rub their bellies and/or heads during loading screens.
You game AND parent!
My daughters are 8 and 6. With the 8 year old I play Warriors Orochi 3, EDF4 and Rayman. With my 6 year old I play Lego Jurassic and occasionally help her out with New Super Mario 2 on her 3DS.
Bedtime is 7.30-8pm. Then its my time.
Games are important to you, presumably your kids are too, so combine them. Game time is always co-operative, competitive games do not work.
On a side note, nothing prouder as a dad than running into a horde of monster ants and all of a sudden having the dropship crash down around you, and looking over to see your girl sitting back with a sniper rifle. Proud.
My kids aren’t really into gaming. They prefer to play outside and go fishing and do crafts and *breaks down crying* I’ve failed.
At first I just stopped playing games altogether. I didn’t really want a toddler wandering in while I’m playing Dead Space. Now that my oldest son is 6 we usually play Mario Kart together with a decoy controller for the 2 yr old. I play PS4 games at night for maybe an hour if I’m super lucky. The kids did enjoy helping out with puzzles in The Witness and Kings Quest though. So, kid friendly games I try to include them but everything else is either off-limits or pushed into a horrible time-slot around midnight.
My little girl in 6 now and she’s at the age where I can actually play real games with her like Mario and Kirby games. I still can’t play super violent games while she’s around though so I usually get those in at night while she’s asleep. She’s been a pretty good sleeper actually, never slept very much during the day but almost always did a solid 12 hours at night.
As for other games I squeeze them in when I can, sometimes when my wife takes her out to the shops or something I’ll take the opportunity to jump on. Sometimes she’s happy to sit there and watch me play, depending on the game.
Well I either switched to playing games that were more suitable to them (no gore, no swearing) or I played when they were asleep, doing something else.
Although now that they’re 3 and 5, they game on the Wii U and I go play on the ps4/PC in the office.
I also play when they’re in bed for a couple of hours at night. (wife does the same)
or on weekends, when kids are doing screen time, we do screen time as well.
I have a 5 yr old but also have a second lounge where all my gaming gear is located she nods off about 7:30 so if I want I can game then my wife works part time so she is fine if I duck of and game most of the chores have been done by her earlier in the day (another plus of her working part time) but I only do it when I get a new game most of the time I can wait until the weekend nights to game.
But yea id call anyone how doesn’t want kids because it will affect there gaming crazy.
3 and 1 year olds here.
You need to accustom them to sleeping with noise. My wife and I are always watching TV or playing a game in our main living room. That room adjoins both the kids rooms (our house is pretty small).
Before bed time, yeah it’s not cool to play anything too violent. We’re pretty relaxed parents so anything with cartoonish violence is fine. Star Wars movies (except Ep3) and Street Fighter V are about the most violent things the kids are allowed to watch.
I regularly get requests from the 3yo to play games with him: Rayman, Mario, Grow Home, Lego Star Wars, random iPad games, etc. I’m happy to play along with him, but left to his choice, we’d never stop. So some moderation is required.
After bed time (about 8 or 8:30 for the 3yo) it’s either TV or game time, up til about 11pm for me and earlier for the wife. That’s when I can break out Bloodborne / Dark Souls or whatever else is
I should also have mentioned some mobile gaming. Usually Hearthstone on the daily commutes 😉
play Littlebigplanet with your kids for a while…..in the mean time the game you REALLY want to play go down in price. they will be at school and going on play dates in no time – then you can get stuck into Dark souls 3
I have a 2 and a half yr old and another due in November… At this point all I can say is I stay up late…. But those first 3-6 months Mark is talking about I think I will be the same…. it will be very little gaming
at my sneakiest i used to go to bed with the wife as she requested, will myself to stay awake until i knew she was asleep, then i would get up and go play games for a few hours. now, we put our 3.5 year old daughter to bed at 7, do some minor tidying chores, watch some tv together till about 9 – 9:30, then i jump on with mates from work for a few hours. have to be careful though, when i have my headset on both ears sometimes i miss the daughter crying in the room next to me, so i get an agitated wife opening the office door asking my if i heard that. so now i try to one ear my headset so i can chat with mates but still keep an ear out.
ive only just started introducing some games to my daughter on WiiU using some dora and diego wii games, she loves them, its so hard to not take over though. other than that, i bought some click adventure games on steam like Deponia, and also a few lego games that my wife and i can play together and she actually enjoys it.
I don’t have kids.
However…
Free Time = Game Time
Free Time – Work – Girlfriend = No Time For Game Time
My girlfriend and I are against babysitters, so when we do eventually have children, I’m probably going to game only when I’m taking a shit.
Unless Nintendo makes the 3DS waterproof, then gaming time will also be shower time.
Not very often, but handhelds & Remote Play until it’s his bedtime.
I have a 2 year old and another on the way. It goes like this:
7am – 9am get up and get to work
9am – 5.30pm work
6.30pm – 9.30pm
9.30pm – 11pm chill with wife
11pm – 1pm game on
sleep it off on the weekend
I don’t game anywhere near as much as I used to so I choose carefully what I play.
Quality and all that.
For me? I used to live for nap time. I kept my son napping until he was 5 so I could get an hr of gaming after lunch.
I also used to play violent games on front of them. Tlou and street fighter mainly. Especially with tlou there were certain parts I wouldn’t play because they were too disturbing. I thought I was being mature and progressive but in hindsight, it was a mistake. We now only let them see age appropriate stuff and it’s a lot better. I play some witcher 3 every now and then and if the kids are up I only play the treasure hunt stuff. No WAY am I showing them that story! The red baron quest was just way too real!
This article has arrived at the perfect time. At the start of the year my partner gave birth to our very premature daughter. So I’ve been spending all my time going to work, then hospital at night to spend some amazing time with her to some very late gaming.
As of this point of time my daughter has been smashing every hurdle thrown at her and it looks like she is going to be coming home soon.
So I’ve been taking every note/tactic that has been posted in the comments and burning it to my memory.
WISH ME LUCK FELLOW GAMERS!
Be lucky, boyo!
Good luck. Enjoy having your little one at home 🙂
Late nights usually or very early morning wake ups.
Both of my kids are older though (7-4) so i can usually get them to play with me depending on the game. I don’t play anything rated over M when they are awake, so that helps. My 4 year old used to be a pain to play with as he would just troll his big brother (the old pause at an important part trick) and then laugh at him, now they are fine.
They enjoy playing duck hunt on the Nes however it usually turns into them running through the house shooting each other with the guns.
Its not that hard really, yes they take up your time that you previously would have been free for but it’s part and parcel to being a parent or even just being an adult. It would be the same for anyone with a hobby and to be honest its easier with gaming than some other hobbies as kids can at least be part of it sometimes. I like cars but I cant really leave my kid on the garage floor surrounded by hazards and tools while my heads in the engine.
As for how, you just need to make the time. When they are young, game during nap time. When they are older you introduce them to your hobbies same as anything else and game with them or by yourself while they are otherwise occupied on things like homework.
Mine are 13&14 now so we play a lot of the same games now. At this point it does get much easier and then you also get some added bonus’. Eg a team mate you can ground tends to give you less grief.
Grow up and realise there are more important things to do during the day time while your children are awake. Plenty of time at night to play.
I game during nap time and from about 9-11pm at nights while the baby is asleep. I wouldn’t really want to play more than that anyway really.
Also this is why I haven’t finished Bloodborne, MSGV or Fallout 4 yet. Not to mention my ever growing pile of shame.
Your doing it all wrong Mark.
I think you need to raise some e-sports legends, embrace the games and kids together!
7.5 MTH old
If she is awake:
Usually set her up on the couch (in the corner sitting up) with some toys or on her play mat in front of me.
Usually play some Rocket League, SFV, Broforce or Volume due to the short play time / rounds. That said, online games and lack of pause button can cause issues if you’re called in to action.
If she’s asleep:
Baby monitor (volume down but has LED sound level meter)
PS4 wireless headset, play anything.
Well Mr Serrels, like you, I have a Toddler and a new-born (I guess now a crawler, but only just) and I too have hit the same thing lately as well.
What it comes down to for me is time management and working around everyone else’s schedules. So there are 3 schedules in my house; My Wife’s, My Son’s and now my Daughters. I often tell people I’m a very busy person and they counter with “oh that’s only because you do X, Y and Z!” and they’d be correct, except that I want to do – A, B, C …. X,Y,Z.
So I balance things. I balance exercise, work, family and I prioritise each. When it comes down to it, most things come before gaming, but I’m a firm believer that everyone does indeed have time, you just need to make time for it. So there’s a tonne of games I play when my kids are in the room, games that I can pause or “hang on, I’ll be done in a minute!” multiplayer games. So naturally Rocket League, TF2, SFV, Killer Instinct, etc all fit well within this realm and it’s the kind of MP game I’m more attracted to now days.
When it comes to violent things, this is becoming increasingly harder. I can’t even watch Game of Thrones at the moment because currently our little girl is up and down until about 10-11pm at night. Eventually she’ll fall into a rhythm of 7pm = sleep time and suddenly I’ll probably have 3 hours of ‘no kids’ time. And that’s when I can busy out the Doom’s, Mortal Kombat X’s and various other things. Obviously I can make time now but keeping in mind that I prioritise my Wife and her free time higher than gaming, so as long as that’s taken care of and things are alright, I can steal away into a computer room and have a nice session.
None of this would be doable my partner and I weren’t a good team using team work (yes we often yell GOOD TEAM WORK! and high five one another … it’s the little joys in life). We both keep an eye out for each other and encourage one another to have our own free time. It’s surprisingly little planning involved.
I might be able to squeeze the odd game of Hearthstone in on my phone while the kids are awake, apart from that it has to wait until they are asleep (my kids are 4 and 2).
I don’t have kids, but the comments I’m reading are making me really glad I have a spouse who is also a gamer.
I have 17 month old twins and gaming is now relegated to mobile and after sleep time. I’m hanging out for the time when they can play things themselves!
If nothing else it’s good motivation to teach your kids good sleep habits! Getting them to stay asleep has freed up the rest of the night for chores and games.
My tactic has basically been take an extended break. Now my kids (5,3,2) are (mostly) sleeping through, I’m getting some hours in after they’ve gone to bed (and dinner and dishes and cleaning etc are done), but for the last few years there’s certainly been a reduction in gaming time.
For daylight hours though, my 5 year old and I are co-oping Lego Marvel, and that’s been a success, so there’s heaps more Lego games we can play, which will be a good introduction to Star Wars, Harry Potter etc characters for when I think he’s ready for the movies.
I have an 8 month old, and it is pretty tough to find any spare time. And most of that time should and is spent with my amazing wife. Though on occasion I stay up late and have a binge session on some 100+ RPG that I am not sure I will ever complete.
I used to be a pretty completionist player, but now try to work out how long something will take to complete before I even start.
Married with 3 children. 2 years old to 6 years.
– Up at 4:30am, pretty much work all day, home by 2:30pm, pick up kids….wife doesn’t drive…think about that for a moment.
– 3:15 – 4pm, workout and shower
– 4pm – 7pm, family time, duties, baths, dinner etc.
– 7pm onwards, usually 1-2 hours gaming mixed with a bit of guitar practice.
9:30 Bed time!
On the weekends its no rules except no games I’d not play in front of kids.
I also play a lot less open world games and online games than I used to, such time sink unless its completely worth it.
I actually feel uncomfortable knowing that I’m sitting playing while my kids are up and about, regardless of the game.
My choice of games I play has changed considerably. I now most often play games that my 2.5 year old can sit on my lap and enjoy with me.. Fishing Planet immediately springs to mind. He loves waiting and watching intently for the popper to start moving and is amazed at all the different fish I fish out of the rivers. So there’s that kind of thing.. and generally anything to do with animals..
Then there are MMO style games with lots of running around and not a lot of violence. Star Trek Online is reasonably decent for this.. he gets to point and say which way to go and I always read out the text in the conversations, like telling a story to him etc.
So really.. it’s about game choices.. what can you play with your child.. what games can handle a bit of a delayed response while you wait for him to respond to what’s happening on the screen.
Then there are the turn-based games, X-Com 2 for example, that you can play by yourself but at the drop of a hat go and see “what was that noise?” once they are at an age where they can sit in the next room watching their ABC Kids TV shows. A turn-based game means you can drop it in a heartbeat.
I have a 5yo and a 3yo and the best I can offer is choosing quality over quantity. In the last few years I have only played games I *really* want to play (2015 was Bloodborne, Rocket League and Fallout 4) and only when it doesn’t get in the way of being a Dad or a husband. Typically that is after bedtime for my little girls and when my wife is watching something she wants on netflix or has gone to bed early. Its not nearly as much as I used to game but its still enough to play the things I really want to play. With Dark Souls 3 incoming I cant waiting to chip away away at that over the coming months…
Pretty much give up on it for a few years. Play things you can pause and save at any point.
I have a 2 year old and one on the way. Have managed to play plenty in recent months but I have a feeling once the second one arrives then it’s all over. Uncharted 4 might be the last game I play for a very long time. I’ll have to live vicariously through my friends until 2018. Unless we find a way of pausing time. But in answer to your question, I think you’ve basically got to wait it out till your kids have some kind of sleeping pattern that’s reliable. For me, my son starting sleeping wonderfully from about 2 months ago but you never know. So hang in there and aim for the year 2020.
Most of this advice is all very well and good for somebody who’s job doesn’t have gaming as a requirement, however I think Mark may be stressing more because his Job (presumably) almost requires him to play lots of different games, for long hours and on a consistent basis, but his home life no longer seems to accommodates this.
The answer of course is to consult people in your industry, games journalists and even part time youtubers who know your struggle.
Best I can offer (from outside the industry mind you) is the importance of creating ‘gaming’ as a scheduled item. Yourself, your wife and your kids need to see a certain amount of gaming as part of your job that is required. Pick a regular consistent time slot that you lock yourself away for gaming and the whole world needs to learn and respect that during that time, Daddy/hubby/mate-with-odd-accent is working, not playing.
Assuming that I’m correct about the need to play lots of different games to stay relatable and up to speed with your audience, then much like everyone else will need to treat your gaming like work, you will probably also have to. More following walkthroughs to get through the main quest lines in the shortest time possible, less side quests and aimless wandering in general, and probably less games that you don’t really need to be playing. It’s not going to be the most enjoyable period of gaming in your life, but these are the sacrifices we make.
I have a 2 yr old and a 2 week old. Your right, gaming on console or PC is basically out of the question at night time. Not because I can’t but because I don’t want to. By 7 when my oldest goes to bed we still have to clean up and feed the youngest. Also both of us are exhausted from night feeds. (don’t worrie parents to be, all of this gets easier)
The urge to game doesn’t go away but so I will lay in bed and catch up on my 3ds library or while the oldest has a day sleep. Usually when frozen is begged to be put on for the thousandth time I’ll pick up and play then also.
My wife and I know we both need our alone time just as much as family time and just because we have two kids under 3 doesn’t mean that all our spare time is gone.
A bit of compromising and understanding goes a long way… And an unusually long toilet time helps also 😉
I have a 3 (almost 4) yo, and a 1 (almost 2) yo. I also have a wife that says we don’t spend enough time together and she doesn’t like gaming. I don’t really play games anymore. When I can spare a few minutes, it’s generally Rocket League. I can’t even play CSGO anymore because it is unlikely I will get the 45-60 minutes required to complete a competitive game.
I still have hope that things will pick up once my kids get a little older. I have a Steam library with a shameful amount of unplayed games.
I loved it when my firstborn came along because babies are potatoes. They lie there, do nothing, move nowhere, and all the while you frag merrily away.
With two kids now, 1 and 3, it’s a whole different story. My daytime game time on the weekend is now when the youngest goes down for a nap, and my 3 year old and I go downstairs where he plays Lego Marvel Superheroes on the Xbox One and I play on the PC.
Outside of that, I game four nights a week and spend 3 nights a week with my lovely wife… tv, nookie, etcetera. This pattern took years to develop as initially she would say “well what am I supposed to do” but I kept saying that’s not my problem. You had 26 years of being you before me, if you haven’t come up with a hobby in that time that’s on you.
That might sound selfish, but if I don’t get my ‘me’ time, I get cranky and will focus that anger on her. This might resonate for those of you stuck on the couch watching TV every night with your significant other while you silently fume about the injustice of it all.
I work an insanely busy, demanding job too so I need that time to distress and centre myself. And as I’m sure we’ve all said, I could be the kind of guy who goes to the pub after work or goes out with the boys on the weekend… but I’m not. The times I’m at home, if my children are awake I’m with them. Being a Dad, teaching them, having fun with them.
Creating a structure might feel a bit silly at first, but the main problem each night used to be not knowing what was happening each night and that led to me gaming way too much. We thrashed out an agreement maybe 3 years ago now, since the kids came along, and we’ve kept to it ever since. Now I know that Thursday through Saturday are ‘us’ time, we plan what we’re going to watch and get excited about it, or we’ll play a boardgame or do certain other exciting activities!
Oh, I also make sure to debrief the day with my wife every day until we’ve both exhausted every avenue of conversation.
So yeah, your question to me isn’t how do I manage kids and gaming, it’s how do I manage my relationship and gaming.
Hope that helps or resonates with some of you 🙂
I’ve got a 3.5yo and 10 month old. I can only play games in the evening when everyone’s in bed. But can’t play as much League of Legends as I used to because of stinking kids waking up and me screwing everyone else’s game by having to afk (gotta take my turn with parenting sometimes – though my wife is pretty amazing with this)…
So it’s basically only offline games at the moment – max 1 hour per night if I’m working the next day. Just finished Rise of the Tomb Raider. Currently working my way through Xcom 2. Hyper Light Drifter up next.
Lego games are awesome. Wii games are super fun (looking at you mario kart and mario wii). Fallout is collecting dust alongside battlefront and I haven’t bought anything since. Also, tough it out on a friday night/saturday and sleep saturday night when the kids do. Its the only time “daddy’s games” get a run.
Life is never the same. My two are about the same age as yours.
Veteran here – 4 kids, oldest is 12
At first (when my first was born) I kinda stopped but that coincided with owning a GameCube which was dying off, when the older kids were really little they liked to play my old N64 – especially DK64 and Banjo Tooie
I got back into gaming in Dec 2008 thanks to GTA SA (Id bought the PS2 for singstar!) BF spend the better part of the year playing the PS2 GTA games, only at night when the kids had gone to bed (my youngest was 4 at this stage so they had a routine) at this point TV watching dropped off completely after 8pm
When my younger kids were born that was trickier (2010 and 2012) I was fully into gaming at this stage, had a 360 and played all manner of violent games (I used to be a Nintendo fanboy!)
Toddlers are harder to put to bed and are inquisitive about everything, you can’t play a violent game in front of them. I remember playing an Assassins Creed game and in walks a two year old in the middle of a sword fight – next 3 days he’s jumping all over the house pretending to sword fright everyone!
What’s worse is when Adult games put some activity in there that looks appealing to kids – Red Dead Redemption has horse riding – do you know apart from Zelda no kids games do horse riding well! My daughter pestered me so much to play that game!!!
As for playing around the kids
Lego games are your friend and your enemy get ready for the phrase “Daddy an you help me unlock the characters”
Also there’s a lot of good Indy games that appeal to kids, Goat Simulator is a big hit in our house as is Octodad!
It’s like most things that happen when you have children – you negotiate the time, you appreciate it when you get it and you make it up to your other half my letting them get their time too. At least nowadays it’s easy to have a game on the TV and netflix/iview/etc on an ipad/laptop, so everyone can be happy 😉
I’ve got myself an almost 4 yr old and a 1 yr old. Plus a missus who doesn’t get gaming one little bit.
Luckily, my kids sleep through the night 7-7, or 7-6:30. and sometimes 7-6 which hurts me when I’m up late but I can’t predict when they’ll sleep that extra hour or not! But basically I don’t play anything until the night time. And when the kids go to bed, there’s a general clean up before we sit down and smash whichever shows we’re currently on. I’m a late person and my wife is not.
We get about two 1-hour shows in before my wife passes out on the couch and the PS4 usually gets fired up at about 9:30/10pm. Seriously this is my only good chunk of game time now. I’ll usually play for 2 hours, sometimes 3 if I’m on a new game and don’t wanna put it down or just lose track of time (“11:45, I better wrap it up in a sec…. Shit how did it end up being 1:15am???”).
So yeah, there’s the odd opportunity for some gaming during the day on a weekend if the girls go somewhere but generally I get away with 2 hours a night before crashing. It makes it harder for me to continually pick up longer story games like MGSV, and my PS3 is still hooked up as well with a decent pile of shame, basically a heap of games about 61% complete that I still try to get around to but new gen is breaking my will :/
A lot of the time I usually opt for quick-fire 10min/5min games that I can duck in and out of like Rocket League and Call of Duty because I often have chores that still need to be done (essentially me getting up in the 2 mins between FFAs/TDMs and unstacking the dishwasher then running back to the next game).
Long story short, I game much less and I take it when I can get it, sometimes at the cost of a few hours sleep.