Dark Souls 3 Strategies For Parents Are Too Real

This Dark Souls strategy video speaks to me on a level like no video ever has before.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. So I just did both, in solidarity with the sheer volume of truth leaking out of every goddamn pore.

I don't know why? Why won't my wife understand that you can't pause Dark Souls 3

I have a three month old baby. My solution is a little different. I have this rocking chair thing. I just sort of throw him into it like a flesh-shaped basketball then I use my right foot to rock it while I try really, really hard not to die.

The real Dark Souls starts here.

Thanks Curtain Guy!


    it really is an anti-social game. I cant ever pick it up with the chance of being needed anywhere. Even if i cant pause, do you think my wife cares if i die in a video game?

      My girlfriend understands, but thinks it's bullshit. As far as she is concerned, unless you're in a multiplayer environment, not allowing a player to pause is disrespectful of the player's time and commitments.

    My wife understands that you can't pause... then stands in front of the screen without warning anyway... and then apologises... but it's often too late T_T

    There is a lot of truth there, although just like any super time consuming game there is the option to log out.

    1. Go to Bonfire
    2. Rest at the Bonfire
    3. Logout
    4. ????
    5. Profit!

    NOTE: Obviously not as simple if you are in the middle of a boss battle, then add 5-10 minutes depending on your mad skills/patience.

    Last edited 06/05/16 9:43 am

    My wife likes to tell me I have a gaming addiction from time to time.
    I remember getting Destiny for my birthday and being asked to do something during a raid which I didn't do... and that was the last time I played Destiny.

    My two-year old was napping on the couch behind me. Popped my headset on and got ready for some Dark Souls action. Mid-Nameless King fight he wakes up (unbeknownst to me), grabs the TV remote, and turns the TV off. I whip round to look at him, to which he smiles sweetly and says "Oh no! TV broke!"

    And that's why I only play Dark Souls when the little fella is at Daycare -_-

      I consider it when theyre napping at times (1 and 2 yo) but then i resign to the fact i have to wait till theyre properly in bed and the misses has a glass of wine... Then i can get a bit of peace... generally!!!

      My then 4 year old grabbed the controller when I was elsewhere engaged and started a fight with Andre the blacksmith - which I stupidly finished - screwed up my who play through with no ability to make boss weapons!

    Wait. You can't pause a Dark Souls game??

    Why not?

      Because it's effectively an always-online game. Also because the devs are jerks.

        I am only asking this because it is important to me.

        What if I am not connected to the internet? Can I still not pause?

          See point 2 :)

          You can save and quit at pretty much any point, but there's no way to pause, prevent the game from moving on and guarantee you safety. The closest you get is resting at a bonfire, or in Firelink Shrine.

          That said, if you're playing offline, there's not much disadvantage to not having pause.

          Enemies don't typically roam very far and seek you out. If you're in a place that's been safe for the last ten seconds, it's probably safe for however long you need to go away for.

          The only thing this means is that you can't pause in the middle of a boss fight, for example, and if you really need to get called away mid-boss-fight, you might as well just walk away and let it kill you. When you get back, you'll be standing at the same bonfire you would've been if it'd killed you while you were trying, and let's face it... that was likely to happen anyway. :)

    The simple solution here is not to fill your life with meaningless distractions like spouses and certainly none of those vile, creepy looking, smelly, tiny aliens that some would try and convince you are actually young humans.

    You need to dedicate your life to what really matters: not being a filth casul

      A second spent not praising the sun is a second wasted.

    My wife understands...If I'm playing a game and she starts talking at me (yes, at me, not to me) then I just hold up my hand and say, 'hang on, busy" and she waits patiently for 2-3mins for me to finish whatever I was doing that I couldn't stop/pause.

    As for my kids...well the 3.5 yr old seems to understand now but the 2yr old will just start grabbing my arms and climbing on me. We'll get there eventually...

    Mine stands behind me and asks questions like "so what's the idea of Dark Souls 3"... the IDEA of Dark Souls 3, like as a concept? That's shit's way to meta for me right now damn it, I'm trying to stop this boss from cleaving me in half.

    Oh god this is absolutely hilarious!

    My life completely... And she knows how most games work its just the ones you cant save etc she still doesnt quite get it...

    My nephew, use to be a big distraction, can never forget losing 75,000 souls. Now he my little scout spitting things before me. He was helpful on anor londo spotting archers 😎

    Other family members not so much 😭

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