The Return Of The Idiot In Azeroth

I've forgotten everything. The intricacies had leaked out of my brain like the details of a distant dream. All that was left was the hollow emptiness of deja vu. I've been here before I just know it.

Where I am: Azeroth. World of Warcraft. On a boat.

Who I am: a big bastard of a Panda wearing a suit of armour.

What I am doing: standing deathly still, in front of a training dummy, about to alt-tab into a Google search because I've legitimately forgotten how to move in World of Warcraft.

Why I am here: Christ only knows.

Once again, for the second time, I am an idiot in Azeroth.


You may or may not remember the original 'Idiot In Azeroth' series, in which I played World of Warcraft, as a complete noob, for a month.

There was confusion. There was strangeness. But by the end I truly felt like I learned something. That I gained a basic level of understanding of what the hell was going on here and why it was so compelling to so many people.

But then I forgot.

I mean I genuinely forgot. After playing World of Warcraft for a month I had delusions that I might continue playing, on-and-off. That I might continue with the game in my downtime between other games. That didn't happen. World of Warcraft promptly became that game that other people played, that thing I wasn't interested in. I lived my life Warcraft free and I was fine with that choice and then, like the Spanish you learned in high school, I forgot everything.

All that's left is fragments: "hola! Que pasa mi amigo!"

Then, more strangeness. For some reason a bunch of my friends began playing World of Warcraft. It turned out my three of my closest friends were reformed WoW addicts and I had no idea.

It started with a discussion. The 'I used to play WoW for hours on end' conversation'. That took me by surprise. So many people in my friend group used to play WoW.

Then a 'hey, let me show you my characters' discussion.

Then a 'we should start playing again' discussion.

You can guess where this is headed.

That is why I am now sitting in front of my work laptop, with a partially installed version of the World of Warcraft: Legion beta, trying to work out how to make this goddamn Panda move.

"What are you gonna do," my brother-in-law scoffed, when I told him about my potential return to Azeroth.

"You don't even have a character."

You shut your goddamn trash mouth, I have a level 15.

"Why are you doing this," he asked.

I don't know.

Christ, I don't know. Because I'm sick of No Man's Sky. Because I don't want to watch The Bacherlor. Because I'm sick of playing goddamn Super Mario 3D World with my three-year old son. I have my reasons.

None of them are good, or make any real sense, but I have my reasons.

I mean, World of Warcraft can be fun, I guess. At least, I remember it being fun. I remember it being sort of engaging. Most of all I remember it being 'something to do that wasn't Facebook' while my wife watched television.

Regardless, I am here. I push the forward arrow key and my big-ass Panda in armour starts moving in response. "See," I say internally, "I knew it was the arrow keys." It hadn't moved before because I'm streaming the game while it downloads, I guess shit was just a little choppy and weird.

It turns out I did remember something. Muy Bueno. I guess I'm not as much of an idiot as I thought I was.


Comments

    This is me with OG Deus Ex right now. Thought I'd give it a go with the current mood and all.

    I can't stand the game. I'm antagonised by everything it's throwing at me be it UI or gameplay or cinematic. Cheats are going on this week, no ifs or buts about it.

    Yessssssssssssss.

    I thought I was free. I thought I'd escaped the behemoth's maw.

    I recently resubbed to WoW, and honestly, I'm having a lot of fun. It's nice playing a game with friends that isn't a moba. It was fun to breeze through all the old content, skipping zones I used to get trapped in. I'm having fun in WoW again, which I didn't think I'd ever say.

      "I thought I was free. I thought I'd escaped the behemoth's maw."

      Stealing this sentence.

        It's Blaghs fault I'm playing again too. And I'm itching to get home and do my daily quests I'm working on for a goat mount and straw hat.

        I'm gonna steal that too... I *HAVE* escaped the behemoth's maw. As a bit of a veteran player (started halway thru Vanilla and have 12 level 100s and three damned accounts with another 20 toons at various levels) Legion is the straw that broke the camels back.

        There are so many class changes that you'd be forgiven for forgetting how to play your character because to be honest, I logged on after the Legion pre-patch and my characters felt nothing like they did the day before. Spells missing, spells changed, rotations changed... it's a different game. Time to quit, at last.

          I think it helps that the last time I played in earnest was Vanilla. I played a bit of Burning Crusade, and only picked it up for a few days for Cata and Pandaria, so everything's wildly different from what I remember, but I jumped on just after the Legion pre-patch, so at least I didn't really have an adjustment period. Let's be honest though, I'm mostly just back because I have friends to play with. Would have given up after a day or two if it were solo.

            These days most of my real world friends play WoW sporadically for a month or so before and after each new xpac then disappear from the game again. Most of the online WoW friends who are long-timers have quit, or at least taken long breaks. There are a few still playing but not many.

            Its a nice chance to catch up on all the stuff I've missed; What is this Witcher game series it looks interesting? Doom? They made another Doom? etc...

      I know right? I found Draenor boring a month in I stopped playing. Went back last month just before the pre-patch for legion hit, i've been enjoying the game again like I did in Wrath & Cata..

      Problem with quitting is knowing your going to come back next expansion for a couple mobths at least... worse when your like me an anticipated it and stockpiled WoW Tokens (in lieu of subbing).

      Surprised the pre-expansion event and easy level farming hooked me in to playing right away. 0 to 60 in like 9 hours played.

      I hope you didn't resub because you saw someone use my account to play WoW for a few hours. Not that I'd feel guilty about it. Just because that would be silly.

        Hahaha, no. No, I was playing my level 100 by the time I saw that. :P

    You don't want to watch The Bachelor?
    What's not to like? A bunch of girls living together, getting into fights because they're all dating the same guy, and going on increasingly demeaning group dates.

    It's television at its finest.

      Hey don't get me wrong, The Bachelor is the shit. But let's be real here: Richie is trash.

      I can't be arsed sitting through all that, though I'm happy to read Jo Thornely's recaps of it all :P

        Thank you.

        Something else to keep me occupied while I avoid work.

      My favourite bit.

      Is how....

      The host.

      Talks....

      Like this.

      When standing.

      In front.

      Of the girls

      For....

      The rose ceremony.

    YESS!!!!!!!!! Welcome back to Azeroth Mark! now for the Big Questions, horde or alliance and what server Beta leveling 1 or Beta leveling 3

      I'm on Beta levelling 1!

        The idiot in Azeroth himself, Mark Serrels, has Beta access and I don't.
        I might shit a brick

        If you do continue with WoW when Legion releases, play on Frostmourne.

    if you're leveling now, break it up by participating in the invasions that's happening.

    don't die but as long as you tap the mob once you get xp so throw an axe or something at them (I assume you're a war by the image) you also get XP at the end of each stage

      just to reconfirm, you need to be alive when the big mobs die to get the EXP.

      it's bit of a shit system.

        to be fair, if you die in dungeons you also get no XP and the invasions are basically scenarios.

        still it would be nice if the boss can't just look at a lowbie funny and they get one shotted. i sympathise with all the melees standing at range throwing their weapon

    This article has now sparked me to download the client again and consider spending the dosh on Legion. I thank you, my fiance might not.

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