Gee, I Wonder Where Iceman’s New Romance Could Be Going

Poor young Bobby Drake. First, he and his fellow X-Friends got sent forward in time and stuck in their own future. Then he came out, and had to struggle with why his older self had yet to do so. Now he’s found himself a cute crush, only to immediately get hit with the mother of all unsubtleties.

Today’s All-New X-Men #13 by Dennis Hopeless, Mark Bagley, Andrew Hennesey and Nolan Woodard is pretty much all about Bobby trying to hook up with someone. Comfortable enough with his sexuality at this point to start going to gay clubs, he goes out for a night on the town in Miami with fellow X-members Oya and Kid Apocalypse in an attempt to flirt with some guys… it doesn’t go well.

After making some progress with one guy at the bar, Bobby freaks out and accidentally ices up, running out of the club in embarrassment only to barrel right into someone outside. They too hit it off pretty quickly, only for their flirtation to be interrupted by a giant monster.

The X-Men roll into action, only for Bobby’s new romantic interest to intervene — the “monster” is actually a newly awakened Inhuman, and Bobby’s crush is an Inhuman empath used by the New Attilans to calm Inhumans down after they’re newly awakened.

Yes, Mutant Bobby Drake’s potential new boyfriend is an Inhuman, Marvel’s group of superpowered humans who have been at odds with Mutants since the company’s All-New, All-Different label began. They’re star-crossed lovers! Warring factions! It couldn’t be more unsubtly Shakesperian if they tried.

Oh wait, it could:

GOD DAMMIT, MARVEL. Really? A romance between an Inhuman and a Mutant, months before the two factions are set to be at each other’s throats? And one of them is named Romeo? It’s a little much.

While there’s some very obvious animosity between the Mutants and Inhumans when Crystal and her team arrive on the scene, it fairs a bit better for Bobby and Romeo even after the revelation that he’s an Inhuman. Bobby gets Romeo’s number, much to the delight of his fellow X-Men.

I’m not saying I know for certain that Romeo and Bobby’s burgeoning flirtation will inevitably fall apart with the arrival of upcoming Inhumans vs X-Men event, á la Romeo and Juliet’s doomed romance, but I think we all know where this is heading. Mainly because it’s done with the subtlety of a brick to your face.

But still, Iceman’s new romance moved me to pen this:

Two mutants, both alike in dignity (and genetic mutations),

In fair Miami, where we lay our scene,

From ancient grudge break to new mutant-iny,

Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.

From forth the fatal loins (and cocoons) of these two foes

A pair of star-cross’d lovers take their life;

Whose misadventured piteous overthrows

Might with their death bury their teammates’ strife.

The fearful passage of their death-mark’d love,

And the continuance of their hero’s rage,

Which, but their teammates’ end, nought could remove,

Is now the two hours’ traffic of our limited event series;

The which if you with patient eyes attend,

What here shall miss, our blogs shall strive to mend.