Steam Top Seller With 'Sexy' Protagonist Has Terrible Breast Physics

Haydee is a hardcore puzzle platformer that's currently tearing up the Steam charts. It also doesn't know how breasts work. I've played about 30 minutes of the game, during which I struggled with the controls and subsequently died many times, either because I didn't know what to do or where to go. According to the developers, Haydee Interactive, that's exactly what makes Haydee interesting: The game doesn't hold your hand or tell you what to do. But let's be real here for a moment. The big reason people are paying attention to Haydee is because of this:

An animation you will see many times during Haydee.

The protagonist's breasts and butt are front and centre during Haydee (even the store description boasts that you play as a "sexy character"), whereas everything else feels sterile and boring:

Any time the game isn't shoving bodyparts in your face, you can still hear the constant clack of your heels. I also kept getting distracted by the thought of how uncomfortable it must be to have that thong so far up her butt.

And yet, according to players who have sunk hours into the game, Haydee's sexed-up appearance is deceiving. In the Haydee store page, the top-voted reviews say there's a good game hiding underneath it all:

The third and fourth most voted reviews align more closely with the frustrations I felt during my brief time with Haydee:

One thing's for sure. If you're going to put that much emphasis on the breasts and butt, they probably shouldn't look like an invisible puppetmaster is constantly pulling on strings attached to the tips:

Then again, the protagonist is a half-human half-robot hybrid, so who knows what's in those puppies?


    When are breast physics ever done right in games?

      I thought the hole point of video games was to escape reality, I don't see why this has to be a thing.

      I welcome games like mount your friends that have bloke bits swinging all over the shop.

      Actually this game doesn't look THAT bad. I think Patricia is wrong. Looking at a large-breasted woman in a sports bra doing star jumps (not research that I ever thought I'd have to do) I find that the breast movement is similar to that in the game:

      Of course, I am not an expert in the movement of large breasts, so feel free to correct me :-)

      Last edited 28/09/16 2:23 pm

      Dead or Alive. When they moved their arms slightly the breasts went into full on fits of rage. Just like real life.

    Haha, they look like a pair of slime buddies, like flann from final fantasy.

    If they're a pair of semi-intelligent breasts that's really subversive. "You never look at my face when you talk, you only stare at my..." rips open blouse, "faces."

      I imagine this:

      Last edited 28/09/16 1:22 pm

        Haha, perfect! I mean just look at that animated gif and it's easy to imagine they're bouncing on a plane.

        Last edited 28/09/16 1:26 pm

    It's at this point I ask myself "What would Anita Sarkesian" say.

      Last edited 28/09/16 2:24 pm

      "An over sexualised character.. who is also the hero.. but has ridiculous breast physics... but is also strong... but is dehumanising females and making them androids... but overcomes adversity.... Sarkeesian malfunction"


    She invokes images of the reverse mermaid that has a fishes head on sexy legs.
    Or the head engineers had different briefings, one was building a robotic soldier and handed it off to the other who was building a sex robot.
    The end result was neither.

    Last edited 28/09/16 1:41 pm

    The last thing I saw moving like that was - in Candy Crush Saga.
    It was an exploding donut.

    One thing to the sexed-up character design's credit is that they gave her a body thickness that actually looks appropriate for that size of bust and bottom. It's almost refreshingly surprising that they didn't got for the impossibly tiny waisted archetype.

    Just to interject into the creepiness here, I have it on good authority from someone who would know (G+ cup) that:

    a) The physics are utterly ridiculous for someone not wearing a bra
    b) If they are wearing a bra, it's incredibly badly designed and provides no support at all.

    A creepy game for creepy dudes.

    No body knows how breasts work. It's one of the great mysteries of the universe.

    Someone please support those things! That looks painful!

    Bullshit, those physics are fine!

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