Don't Have Kids


This is what I came home to today.

Excuses from my three year old range from...




Advice from me: don't have kids.

Have squids.


    Advice from me: don't have kids.

    This is why I'm happy being single; I get to enjoy my freedom and money, :-P

    Advice from me: don't have kids.

    Have squids.

    I think putting an ink blasting super soaker in the mix might make things a tad worse.

      I don't know. Sometimes that's a whole lot better than what can come out of them.

        My niece is basically really well behaved a poo grenade.

    Mark clearly hasn't seen Arrival yet, lol he'll be appreciative of his kids are that emotional plot

    I have 2 under 3 years old with a 3rd due in 5 weeks. Very late advice Mark!

      Oh jeez - good luck... You'll need it. I have two under 3 also... My advice from here on out is keep your dick in your pants... hahahaaaa!!!

      Mrs has been clucky ever since the second was born but ive been a firm no for a while!!!

          Reminds me of a old joke, in a spoiler just for work safety.

          A man and his wife had been married for years but when they made love they always did so in the dark.
          The wife got curious so one night, she turned the light on during the session only to find the husband using a cob or corn instead of his own groin. Clearly he had been doing so the whole time they were married.
          The wife became furious and shouted, "Care to explain the corn?"
          After a moment the husband smiled and said, "I'll explain the corn after you explain the kids."

          Last edited 17/11/16 2:55 pm

        Wife is getting the snip when she has our son in 5 weeks. Planned cesarean so she will be open on the table anyway.

      So you're going to have three under three? Brave souls like you and your missus deserve their own ANZAC-style parade.

        Or a life time supply of Sennheisser noise cancelling headphones.

        yeah will be 3 under 3 for about 6 months till the little shield maiden turns 3.

        I have a friend, 27 years old, who has four kids, with a fifth due some months from now. Originally he'd be expecting his fourth, but twins happened. He's a good father, as is the mother... but lordy, five kids before they're 30. Blows my mind.

          Oh God what a nightmare. Good luck to them.

          I'm not having another one - I never forgave my son for cracking our new flat screen TV when he was three.

          Try having a 16 yr old, 12 yr old, 10 yr old that is cognitively 18 months old and a 3 yr old.

          It's genuinely insane.

    Hahaha Mark! You have gotta keep them out of reach!! I know I'm bad myself i leave discs in my PS4 and they know how to eject so i find them all over the place. They've only ever snapped one DVD - UFC 37... Not a huge loss ;)

    The other thing they like to do is slide game discs and DVDs under the surround sound unit - must look like a good slot for them as at any given time i can get home and find 5 discs under there... So thats where your Minions movie is huh??

    Last edited 17/11/16 2:26 pm

      Yeah, I just keep the kids' DVDs down low. All my stuff is way up high (not even my wife can reach)... :-)

        Destroy every chair in your house before they can reach it.

    Fortunately the cabinet holding my games is difficult to open for a kid and contains a moving shelf with all their ABC kids dvds that they see before looking at my games. I'll be re-organising my stuff though this weekend seeing as my boy is about the same age as yours @markserrels.


      The first time I read that as "they ran out of the NES, mini dad!" And it made me laugh because I was thinking "I'm pretty sure mark isn't that short... XD

    When my girls were 3, I didn't trust them with physical media. Never had any damages but fingerprints aplenty. Instead I took every DVD movie we had, stripped the menu so they would insta-play when inserted. Also meant damaged discs didn't mean another $30 to Disney. Those people prey on kids damaging media. Kept the original discs on a spindle away from harms reach. If they didn't look after a disc, then they didn't get to watch that movie for a month. After the first few scratches, they got very good at looking after discs.

    For gaming, it was digital all the way. XBLA titles on the 360, or loaded their Wii titles onto an SD card keeping the originals safe with the movies.

    Now they're really careful with media (and controllers!).

    As for having kids, so proud beating stages on EDF4, on Inferno, with your 6 year old daughter sitting next to you sniping motherships out of the sky.

    Way ahead of you. If it's any consolation your kids will get to endure a post apocalyptic hellscape brought on by global war over resource scarcity as part of the fall out from Climate Change. That'll learn em.

    Oops. This is why we like digital downloads :)

      Yes, if you are just watching the porno you will be safe.

    It could be worse Mark, last time I found a broken disc (also Wii U funnily enough) it was upside down half way into the Xbone - Sad

    Hopefully it'll be less of an issue when Nintendo go back to cartridges though I'm sure they'll still find a way to break them. Bath full of water? Those cartridges look like they need a clean. My wife's iPhone ended up in the bath earlier this year, did not work out well for the iPhone.

    Last edited 17/11/16 2:50 pm

    That's because he's sick of you playing Splatoon.

    Now there will be more time for mah-wii-oh!

    Reminds me of that ad that was a full minute of footage of little kids wailing and screaming and kicking things at supermarkets and their poor, exasperated and tired-looking parents were unable to contain their tantrum. The ad closed simply with the logo of a condoms brand.

    Don't get a choice when the kids are much younger siblings instead.

    3 PSOne memory cards lost to the 2 year old who thought the lights were pretty.

    This happened to my Mario Kart 8 disc and i had it for less than a week. Kids trying to pull it out of the case with out pressing the button in the middle of the case to release it..

    Made me cry!!

    This is a $60 problem.

    Just wait till they (inevitably) break a screen or a window.

      We've had a window broken, they're not cheap!

        Pfft!!! I see you a window are raise you a plasma tv!!!! Toy thrown - screen cracked!

        Got a new TV out of it though! :)

          Our plasma screen is cracked, but not that badly, kinda don't notice the crack....

    To be fair, Splatoon should really be bought digitally so it's always ready to go on the console ;). I feel like this was just a bit of extra encouragement from the little one!

    Rookie... I have had to buy New super mario bros Wii 3 fucking times.
    And mariokart 8 twice.
    Not to mention the ds's... Two of my boys have gone through about 6.

      Jeez, my kids had to save up to buy their own DS, and man do they look after it.

    Gaming for kids is a supervised activity in my household. ie wife goes out we play games.

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