Ever since I played Metal Gear Solid 2 nearly half my life ago (shudders), my goal in stealth games has been the same: To knock people unconscious and then position their bodies so that they will wake up thinking, “What the hell was I even doing?”
In Metal Gear Solid 2, that mainly consisted of me playing the tanker level over and over, knocking dudes out and then turning their junk into tranquilliser needle porcupine forests, because I WAS 12, OK? Since then, my tastes have become a bit more… refined. Mostly, this means I now arrange people so that it looks like they were in the middle of the wildest party, and then everybody suddenly passed out. Party narcolepsy. It’s totally a thing! Look it up.
Dishonored 2, with levels spanning everything from whale-oil-spattered slums to transforming steampunk mansions to oddball occult territory, has given me numerous opportunities to position guards so that they will be amused, bemused and C-mused when they finally come to. No joke: I’ve probably spent two whole hours of my 25+ (so far) posing bodies. Here are some of my finest works:
Nothing to see here. Just a couple chill bros taking a bathroom nap together. I think we’ve all been there before.
“OK guys, so we guard this windmill, but what if, like, as a joke, we climbed it — which we’ve never done before, haha how weird! — and then arranged ourselves to look like the windmill? That sounds fun, right? Haha I’m so wasted.”
What a cute couple, right? I like to think so, but also they have never met because one of them is a dude I knocked out and put on a sleeping lady’s sofa. I tried to place an empty wine bottle in his hand so that when they came to, they’d be like, “Ohhhh, that’s what happened,” but the bottle broke. Then the woman woke up, shouted, “A BODY!” and ran to get the guards. Seconds later, three of them showed up, and I was forced to teleport to safety.
Years from now, I’m sure they will tell their kids, “And that’s how we met.”
This is a fun one on multiple levels. First off, I guess these Howlers decided to have a competition to see who could get the most horrendous back boils from a lit stove before tapping out? Drunk people, right? Either that or they’re recreating that one scene from Toy Story 3. Take your pick.
But also, after this I added a couple more bodies, and then I left. When I came back after finishing the level, everybody had… shifted slightly.
I guess the party got ever craaaaazier while I was away.
She finds the harp so boring that even playing it herself put her to sleep. She has also clearly been drinking.
“Dude, I’m finally gonna do it.”
“Climb this fucking giant taxidermy turtle we’re always guarding. Duh!”
“I don’t… I just… I mean, OK. If that’s really what you want to do. Have you been drinking?”
“Wooooo I can see my whole patrol spot from hereeeee!”
“OK but seriously, Michael Jackson was the shit.”
If you want to see more Dishonored 2 unconscious body art, check out Rock Paper Shotgun‘s more sophisticated variation on the theme, which inspired this drunk one.