Off Topic: How Great Is Custard

Image: Youtube

Real talk: custard is, without a doubt, the bee's knees. And given that Christmas is literally weeks away, that means its not long before I get to consume my body weight in cold, glorious custard.

Let me describe the ways in which custard is amazing.

  • On Christmas pudding: The only purpose to have Christmas pudding is so it can be lathered in custard.
  • Apple pies: Because custard makes everything better, especially if apple is involved.
  • Over bread and butter pudding: Christmas in Australia often involves a lot of bread (and sausages), and there's no better way to soak up leftover bread than by sticking it into a pan, layering it with beaten cream and eggs, and then pouring glorious custard over the lot.
  • Out of a cup: Apparently you can just pick up the carton or bottle and drink straight from that, but that seems unkind if you, y'know, live in a house with other people.
  • Over shortbread: For some reason people think Christmas is the time to gift a lot of store-bought, plain, crappy shortbread. Most of the time, this a boring, and miserable experience in your mouth. But if you pour some custard into a cup, crumble the biscuit up, and then add the myriad of fruit that will inevitably be around (or cut the fruit up, stick it in a pan, add sugar and reduce before adding it into the cup), it's a quick and dirty little dessert.

Are you a big fan of custard? And if not, why not? Is it the texture or the taste, and what do you normally look for in a dessert?


    Hi Alex,

    Long time reader, first time commentor.

    I just want to ask you a question?
    Why do you hate yourself?
    Was it a childhood truma that lead you to look to this hot goop for the warmth you so desire?
    If so i apologise for my hurtful words, I am glad you found solice in something during your tough years.

    Custard is bad.
    Do i have proof? no no i do not...
    I could create a fake news story detailing why my opinion is right and yours is wrong but i have integrity. More integrity than the yellow menace of custard.
    Please re think your life choices....

    Elton Johns greatest creation
    aka Rocketman

      Hey Elton John's greatest creation, aka Rocketman.


      Have some custard.

    RIP Bingo Custard Powder. Oh bright yellow powder from my youth, I miss you.

      how about the smell of the powder that puffs out of the little bag when you open it. good times. i miss them.

    Way ahead of you Alex. In the last three weeks I've eaten two 1 litre tubs of double thick Pauls custard. One with an entire Christmas pudding that I bought from our church ladies, and one with a six-pack of Kipling's mince pies.

    Came here expecting a photo from Braindead "Love a good custard, she never makes the stuff!"

    Custard is the king of Christmas (get out of here, condensed milk!), but particularly when it's in a bee sting cake. That's just the best.

    Christmas pudding is crap, though.

    Last edited 13/12/16 11:47 am

      "Christmas pudding is crap, though." -- unless its covered in custard.

        Christmas pudding without custard is a poor man's Christmas cake.

          Christmas pudding without custard is crap. Its a bizarre goey mess thats just not tasty or fun, but the magic of Custard changes all that into something worthwhile. Most of the time.

    Egg, milk and sugar. When I heard that as a kid I put down custard and never picked it up again.

    Vanilla Slice or GTFO with your custard

      Vanilla slice is only acceptable for about thirty seconds after it has been assembled.

      As soon as the pastry goes stale it's the worst thing ever.

      So largely it's the worst thing ever.

    "On Christmas pudding"

    I agree with everything you said except that. Christmas pudding needs ice cream. Vanilla ice cream. But otherwise, custard is delicious. I haven't had bread and butter pudding for years, but I do love it in a Vanilla slice, custard tarts, in doughnuts, on pie, on sliced peaches, a little bit with pavlova, made from scratch so it's hot and not store flavoured. All kinds of stuff!

    Except Trifle. Eww.

      Yeah, the trifle has to be super good.

        When a trifle is good, it's very, very good, but when it's bad, it's horrid.

    Custard is great!

    How do we all feel about flavoured custard?

    Chocolate custard? no thank you sir.

    Butterscotch custard? Don't mind if I do!


    I didn't realise anyone had a real opinion on custard, let alone as strong as on this page. It's just custard guys.

    You custard tart.

    Which is far and away the best form for custard to be in.

    I was considering that this article completed Alex's final transition into Serrels, but then I remembered Serrels hates everything. :P

    So is this part of the Kotaku editor job description? You need to have some kind of weird obsession with a specific food? I notice that @markserrels doesn't like oats any more now that he's not the editor here...

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