The Year In Patch Notes

The Year In Patch Notes

Image: the thing.

2016 was a fine year for gaming at launch, but over the course of the past 12 months various updates and bug fixes have made it even better. Here are some of the year’s finest patch notes. Can you tell which games they are from?

Before we jump into the notes for this year’s update, keep in mind that year end patch note compilations rely on the writers listening to reader feedback, so if you know of some bugs that have been patched or new features implemented that deserve a spot on the list, tell us in the comments.

  • Fox run animation blocked after face plant land solved
  • Adjusted poise values across the board. Poise is now more effective for heavier weapons and armour.
  • Removed Herobrine
  • Zoroastrians and Messalians can now seduce their close family members
  • Fixed issue whereby a noblewoman in red would sometimes follow Geralt everywhere he goes.

Update Version 1.0 — 12/29/2016

  • Fixed issue with player becoming dismembered while still alive.
  • Fixed an issue that was resulting in player characters being dismounted while moving underneath certain fixtures such as bridges and archways.
  • Fixed issue whereby body parts would sometimes remain suspended in mid-air after an enemy exploded.
  • Fixed Doughnut NPCs Glitch — After downloading this patch, PC players will no longer see hilarious hordes of Doughnut people roaming the streets. Only a regular number of Doughnut people should now be seen on the streets.
  • Lunar Jaina’s legs will no longer separate from her body on endgame score screens.
  • Children looking for discarded toys in the trash will no longer find themselves “discarded.” They should no longer become invisible upon completing the interaction.
  • Sheathing and unsheathing a weapon should no longer cause the game to crash.
  • Fixed a bug that allowed players to acquire the GKZ-45 Mk 3 from the Mystery Box while another player is riding the dragon with that weapon equipped.
  • Fixed AoE spells that were causing splash damage to caster. As hilarious as it was to watch newbie wizards blow themselves up ultimately it was decided that this is not conducive to a welcoming environment.
  • The Samurai Cooking animation has been tweaked so that the sword is sheathed correctly.
  • While wearing the Zebra Underwear or Zebra Underwear (No Stockings), and entering Dye interface with the combat stance turned on will no longer cause a graphical glitch with the sorceress’ body.
  • Child prisoners in Dark Fortresses immediately become hostile, making rescue missions impossible – resolved.
  • Tippy Toe from Squirrel Girl’s ‘Tippy Toe’s Itty Bitty Bow’ unique now critically and brutally strikes when summoned. Don’t let the bow fool you.
  • Ivern can no longer be flagged as AFK if he farms the jungle for too long without interacting with anyone else.
  • Fixed a vocals bug on “Rock and Roll Hoochie Koo” by Rick Derringer where vocal guidelines weren’t appearing correctly.
  • Feeding — creatures now have their own diet, based on planet and climate. Feeding them correctly will yield different results per species, such as mining for you, protecting the player, becoming pets, alerting you to rare loot or pooping valuable resources.
  • Cards drawn by Giant Toad should now animate correctly
  • Fixed a bug that caused the McCree bot to Combat Roll into the well on Ilios.
  • Fixed various typos in the Lost Things zone.
  • Fixed – A weird NPC face appears in Assassin’s Creed 2 Sequence 1, Memory 1.

We are currently monitoring the comments for further issues, and will update periodically based on user submitted fixes and changes.


  • What? Are we supposed to list 20+ games in comments?
    I realise this article is attempting to be amusing but it doesn’t work.

    • I think it’s just 2 games… But I may be wrong.

      Nope I was wrong, there are heaps in there.

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