Don’t Have Kids

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Don’t Have Kids

So for the last two weeks, my PlayStation 4 hasn’t been working.

To be more precise, it was refusing to play discs.

Everything else was fine: downloaded games worked, apps worked. But the PS4 wouldn’t read any disc at all. Most of my games are on the hard drive, but there were a couple of games I was hoping to finish (The Last Guardian, Titanfall 2).

Also my copy of Overwatch was on disc.

So this shit wouldn’t fly. I decided to have a go at fixing it.

I’m not very good at fixing things. I’ve never built my own PC and I generally make things worse when I try and solve techy problems, but whatevs. I decided to have a go. After watching a few YouTube instructional videos and borrowing an intense screwdriver set from my brother-in-law, I got to work.

But before I opened anything, I gave my PS4 a gentle shake.

RATTLE RATTLE.

What the hell?

I broke warranty by removing some stickers on the back, allowing me to unscrew certain parts of the PS4 and open it up for the top. After a bit more work I managed to take out the Blu-ray drive.

That’s when I noticed.

What the fucking fuck?

I’ve got a healthy number of screws sitting next to me, but I decide to take this one step further. I took apart the Blu-Ray drive.

Yep, that’s exactly what it looks like. Zelda: Triforce Heroes wedged in my goddamn PS4 Blu-ray drive.

And that’s when it clicked. I have two kids. One just turned four and the other is 12 months old. The oldest has a 3DS but he’s a bit careless about leaving the games lying around. My youngest likes to put those games in his mouth. Why? I have no earthly idea.

My youngest has also developed a habit for putting things into other things.

You don’t have to be Columbo to work out who the culprit is here.

Insanely, once I removed the 3DS cartridge, and put the PS4 back together again, it worked perfectly. Problem solved.

This isn’t the first time they’ve pulled shit like this.

DON’T.

HAVE.

KIDS.

Comments

    • It’s time to wholly embrace digital distribution.

      Not with current DRM, especially Nintendo’s.

      Physical media is not going away anytime soon thanks to bad DRM measures outnumbering the good ones.

      • You wouldn’t smack a kid and then steal its DS!
        You wouldn’t go to the toilet on its DS and then throw it at the crying kid, then steal it again! Downloading films/games is STEALING!

  • Yep, that’s exactly what it looks like. Zelda: Four Swords wedged in my goddamn PS4 Blu-ray drive.

    Looks more like Triforce Heroes to me

    • Better yet, cross dev compatibility! What’s next, putting Mega_Drive cartridges in an expansion slot? *swoon*

  • Oh Mark, so harsh to your spawn. Let the little buggers have their fun because at the end of the day even my own kids make mistak….. THEY DID WHAT WITH WHAT!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

    Disclaimer: I don’t actually have children…

  • Don’t blame them Mark, our entire civilisation was built on the fascination of putting things into other things.

  • “This thing plays games on my small screen, that thing plays games on a big screen. I want to play Zelda on the big screen.” πŸ˜›

    I’m more amazed that there wasn’t any disc in there with the 3DS cartridge… do you not leave what you’re currently playing in the drive? Or did the little one have the foresight to remove the current disc first?

  • My youngest has also developed a habit for putting things into other things.

    To be fair… that’s how you started this whole kids mess.

  • Not as funny as a toddler told ‘no’ for putting a sandwich in a VCR who then told an adult ‘no’ for putting a tape in.

    Luckily my kids didn’t have a putting things in things phase.

    • The same thing happened to me when my kids were toddlers! That was when we decided to invest in a VCR lock.

  • You don’t have to be Columbo to work out who the culprit is here.

    Yeap, it was you, @markserrels.

    After a hard day’s work you accidentally put the game into the drive and decided to try and frame your kids on the Internet by writing an article about the situation.

    πŸ˜›

  • Haha, ouch!

    I have three kids, ages 4,3,1 – I don’t console game, in fact all the TV is used for is chrome cast really..

    My gaming PC is sitting on a high desk and in the office where the door is mostly shut.

    I’m sure this protection isn’t going to last forever…

    • It’s easy to protect. Just balance an ACME anvil on the top of the door.

      The whole group will learn quickly. Individual results will most likely vary.

      πŸ˜›

  • Baby barriers, learn to use them.. Never ever have any issue with kids getting to consoles, games, tvs etc with a baby barrier.

    • Just teach them no. Neither of our kids touch the stuff in the open fronted with no doors tech shelf that is within their reach. New TV cabinet that has just gone in has moved them from crawling height to toddler reach height although they are both past crawling now.

  • Yeah because your games are more important than your children….Douche. Maybe you should move your PS4 out of reach of your kids moron.

  • I went through something similar, when my 2 year old decided the PS3 looked hungry and stuffed it full of BBQ Shapes

    • My son shoved 4 discs into my ps3, one after the other . I’m surprised they all fit and that thankfully none of them were games.

  • My nephew who visits me knows when he comes by that I expect him to treat my xbox1/ps4 with extreme care. Otherwise he will never touch anything else in my house.

  • similiar story when my ps3 wouldnt read any discs and kept ejecting them.
    Turns out its because there were 4 cd’s jammed in there courtesy of the kids.

    keep your electronics out of reach ppl.

  • Also my girls are yet to break a console or do something to them that they shouldn’t.

    Maybe it’s just boys?

    • We have two boys. About twice one has opened the Blu Ray player. Telling them ‘No’ when their fingers go for it and actually backing up warnings with punishment (not over that, but they learn that no means no generally) and you will usually have a good time. Either that or we have really good kids and our friends have some real shitballs.

      • Yeah, just seems to be most parents we know that have boys have a harder time getting them to comply with things like this.

    • Hold down the power button for four seconds.

      If you hear a hiss and suddenly smell Channel No. 5 then you know they are already modifying it without your notice.

      πŸ˜›

    • When my little girl was younger she was more interested in taking things out of other things. Like, for example, deciding the DVD/Game shelves were a little unorganised and relocating the contents of the shelves onto the floor.

  • My terrors use my consoles as deposit boxes … always finding coins in the disk drive! always crappy 5 cent pieces so of no value anyway!

  • The sub woofer in lounge rattles. I’ve pulled it apart and taken a flood of cars out of it before. It rattles again now, I don’t really want to find out what’s in it this time :\

  • Holographic Cards from Woolies, jammed into the slot on the PS3, dozens of them, had to do a full tear down of the blu ray drive to get them all out

  • Your previously mentioned Brother in law who lent you the screw driver set, had a BAD HABBIT of posting in the VHS Video recorder slot. It was pulled apart many times to remove all manner of stuff from Lego to Paddle Pop sticks and EVERYTHING that would fit! Go Ben!

  • Maybe you must explain kids that PS4 does not run good games like Zelda, only shit like Overwatch.

  • Hmm a 4 yr old with a 3ds and not blocking a 12mth old from access to anything near a TV. Zero sympathy.

  • I gotta say, I haven’t had any problems with PS4 whatsoever. No update bricking, no blue screens. It’s a well made machine. And I’m actually using it as envisioned by the PS3! As an entertainment hub: Netflix, Stan, Crunchyroll, Animelab, YouTube AND BluRays! What an age we live in! πŸ™‚

  • It’s sad to hear that your gaming is more important that you can bash your own kids on the internet!! I agree that you should not have kids, stop being stupid!!

  • My son has decided likes reading the manuals that come with DS games. He gave me a heart attack the other day when I assumed he was in his room reading books, but had instead locked himself into the study to read game manuals. o_O

  • This article must get a lot of hits on google or something, some angry guests really missing the point here..

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