World of Warcraft Redditor LawsuitEsq has crafted an eloquent answer to the question Felguard demons have been asking their Warlock masters over and over again since 2007. “Oh, I don’t know Zhevdarr. Take a wild fucking guess who summoned you. Again.”
I didn’t dabble much in the Warlock class until last year’s Legion expansion pack, but it doesn’t take long to get tired of the Felguard’s bullshit. When a Warlock summons a demon, they are essentially paired for life. The demon gets a name, and from there on out that’s the demon who arrives when the call is put forth. So yeah, I feel LawsuitEsq’s frustration.
“Everyday with this bullshit Zhev. It’s not even everyday it’s every time I fly anywhere. You were just near me, summoned, as usual, and I gave you a cat nap into the Nether realm of forgetfulness apparently and when you pop back out it’s the same question. YES I SUMMONED YOU.”
Why do Felguards gotta be like that? I like to imagine they’re sort of like Dory from Finding Nemo, and every summon feels like the first time. LawsuitEsq has their own ideas.
“Are you seeing other Warlocks on the side? Is this just some diversity quota where we needed the first alcoholic demon to include everyone? Surprise asshole its ME AGAIN and I will keep summoning you until the devs give me a lone wolf style talent. So buckle up buttercup, I’m dragging your half-wit ass through everything and no matter how many times you ask ‘Who Dares Summon Me’ IT WILL ALWAYS BE ME.”
In truth the Felguard voice is a carry over from the voice of the Doomguard, which in vanilla World of Warcraft was a very special demon that required a sacrifice to call forth and would often go out of control, randomly killing innocent mailbox dancers. I’d say an update is in order, but it’s been a decade now, and Warlocks have gotten used to it. We’ll fight alongside the Felguard, but we don’t have to like it.
Or as LawsuitEsq puts it: “tl;dr Fuck Zhevdarr.”