Here Are A Bunch Of Other Video Game Nipples

Image: Super Mario Odyssey

Because I can.

Yesterday the world was shaken by the startling revelation that everyone's favourite former plumber has nipples. We should have seen this coming, really. Despite some debate, we've been told in no uncertain terms that Mario is a human. And the standard configuration of a human includes two nipples.

But this revelation raises more questions. Did a committee have to discuss the size of Mario's areolae? Does Mario have to deal with chafing? Does this mean Waluigi has nipples too? When do I get to see them?

I don't have any answers (though I like to think Mario uses NipGuards). What I do have is a collection of some of the most prominent, memorable and strange nipples in video games. So without further ado, here are some characters I can confirm have at least one (1) nipple, listed in ascending order of verified nipple count:

Hanzo (Overwatch)

Image: Overwatch

Doomfist (Overwatch)

Image: Overwatch

Kratos (God of War)

Image: God of War 3

Geralt (The Witcher 3)

Image: The Witcher 3

Juggernaut (Dota 2)

Image: Dota 2

Pudge (Dota 2)

Image: Dota 2

Gladiolus Amicitia (Final Fantasy 15)

Image: Final Fantasy 15

Sora (Kingdom Hearts)

Image: Kingdom Hearts

Liam (Mass Effect: Andromeda)

Image: Mass Effect: Andromeda

Nathan Drake (Uncharted 4)

Image: Uncharted 4

Norman Reedus (Death Stranding)

Image: Death Stranding

The Sims 4

Image: The Sims 4

Johnny Cage (Mortal Kombat)

Image: Mortal Kombat X

The player character in PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds

Image: PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds

Oocca (The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess)

Image: The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

Cleopatra (Dante's Inferno)

The Mother (Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening)

Image: Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening

Broodmother (Dragon Age: Origins)

Image: Dragon Age: Origins

Given the prominence of nipples throughout video game history, why are we, as a society, so obsessed with these small, circular, newly Nintendo-official areas of skin? Perhaps Mario's nipples captured the public's imagination so quickly because so many characters do not appear to have them. In case you need to cleanse your palate of tiny flesh nubs, here is a list of some video game characters I discovered are devoid nipples in my tumble down the rabbit hole of areola:

  • Link (Breath of the Wild)
  • Sonic
  • Chaos Witch Quelaag (Dark Souls)
  • Everybody in Persona 5
  • Everybody in Shower With Your Dad Simulator 2015
  • Everybody in Pokemon Sun and Moon
  • Bowser (this will not stop fanartists from giving them to him anyway)

Editor's Update: Had to feature one more:


Comments

    Such meticulous manscaping...

    Appreciate the zoom Amanda :)

      Especially Sora, screenshot makes Ariel's head look like a massive boob...................

      Where is the bloat from Killing Floor? Or Wei Chen from Sleeping Dogs (MMA Outfit), so many nips, so little time...

      No list of nips is complete without Batman, despite not being game-related

        I had to stop - you would not believe how quickly a nipple hunt can consume your life. Know that it pained me not to include the iconic batnipples.

          When you're right, you're right... now I'm thinking about Goro... Kane & Lynch... Monkey (from Enslaved)... Regnier (KUF:COD)....................

          you would not believe how quickly a nipple hunt can consume your life.

          Said almost every guy, ever.

    Hmm. I remember HotD Overkill's final boss had big sagging boobs, but can't remember if they included nipples.

    What if they included my nipples wouldn't that be appropriate or what? I mean do you guys remember watching Meet The Parents starring Robert De Niro and Ben Stiller? Jack Byrnes is like I love nipples Greg. Can you milk me? I mean seriously how would Jack Byrnes milk his nipples like that? Do you think I'd milk someone else's nipples? Well I say Wrong! I'd actually milk Mario's nipples anytime since I saw him wearing board shorts during yesterday's Nintendo Direct for the upcoming release of Super Mario Odyssey coming out next month.

    I'm more concerned with the lack of chest hair. He is a poor example of the Italian male.

      Head of a middle aged man, body of a little boy.

    Dante's Inferno had some great breasts in general. Monster breasts, but breasts still.

    If Hanzo ever gets his nipple pierced, he really should invest in a chest protector.

    Was helping run a beginner's course at my archery club when a 19 year old lad let out a blood curdling scream.

    I'll let you infer the rest from context.

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