Taco Bell continues its grand tradition of wrapping things that are not tortilla shells around other things and calling them tacos with the Naked Egg Breakfast Taco. It's a shimmering wonderland of breakfast grease, wrapped in a very firm fried egg.
The Naked Egg Taco is part of Taco Bell's continuing efforts to get people to come to their fast food restaurants and film videos from inside their mini-vans. Between the Naked Chicken Chalupa, which replaced the chalupa's normal fried corn shell with fried chicken and this latest abomination, we here at Snacktaku have to admit they're doing a fine job.
The Naked Egg Taco is a fried egg with cheese, cheese sauce, potatoes and either sausage or bacon on top, folded in half. It's as if someone were making an omelet and forgot to add the non-egg bits until it was too late, or a breakfast sandwich, hold the bread.
Your omelet, sir.
It's not really much of a taco. I am of the firm belief that a taco is things wrapped or tucked into a very specific thing. We'll accept that anything inside a smallish, folded-over tortilla, hard or soft, corn or flour, counts as a taco. Drop some marbles into a hard taco shell, and that's a marble taco. Slip a shell over your hand, and it's a hand taco. Once you replace the tortilla with something else, it's not a taco. Folding your hand over your other hand does not a hand taco make.
That said, the folded egg Taco Bell is using does an amazingly good job of keeping the potatoes, cheese and meat on the inside of this greasy breakfast assemblage, so I will begrudgingly refer to it as a taco.
Editor's note: The author of this post named his cat Taco, so maybe just ignore everything he says.
Comprised of a combination of traditional breakfast fare in good proportion, the Naked Egg Taco tastes pretty damn fantastic. You can't go very wrong with eggs, bacon or sausage, roasted potatoes and cheese. They're the building blocks of the universe.
The only real problem with the Naked Egg Taco is the grease. Sausage has grease. Bacon has grease. And a fried egg, likely cooked on both sides to make it nice and firm? I never noticed before, generally being a fork-and-knife fried egg eater, but they are super-greasy.
Do not discard the holder, unless you want your hands to feel greasy all day long.
If you hold the Naked Egg Taco in your hand, it will be coated in grease. If you set the wrapper it came in atop your iPhone case in your mini-van while filming a video, when you lift the wrapper the phone case will have been slimed.
And once it's in your mouth? Good luck getting a couple of chews in, because this is one highly-lubed snack. It turns your throat into a greased amusement part slide for breakfast meats. You can almost hear them shouting with glee before the screaming starts.
The Naked Egg Taco from Taco Bell tastes very good, but there's a strong "I think I made a mistake" aftertaste. Without going into too much detail, that amusement park slide does not stop at the stomach.
Right click and open in a new window for a 4K version, suitable for wallpaper.
What will Taco Bell's food scientist replace the tortilla shell with next, and how can we possibly stop them?