Help, There’s Too Much Stuff This Weekend

It’s finally the weekend, and there are three huge video game releases and the new season of Stranger Things to possibly check out. Here are some tips to help you decide how to spend your weekend.

Be Overwhelmed

You know that by choosing something, you’ll also implicitly be making the choice to miss out on something else. If you elect to shoot some Nazis as BJ Blazkowicz in Wolfenstein 2: The New Colossus, that means that you’re not gonna know what’s up with Super Mario Odyssey‘s New Donk City until mid November, or maybe even after the holidays. Whenever your dad texts you about all the cool shit Eleven did in Stranger Things, you’ll have to tell him you haven’t seen it yet because you were playing video games. How will you be able to live not knowing what it’s like to glide down the side of a pyramid in Assassin’s Creed: Origins? It’s ok to freak out a little at the magnitude of this choice! Let it wash over you.

Find Some Chill

Light some candles. Get one of those essential oil diffusers from a Japanese homegoods store. Take a hot bath. It’s just pop culture, right? Stranger Things is just a television show, no matter how many thinkpieces there will be about it by Monday. It’s on Netflix, so you can watch it at any time. And I mean, Super Mario Odyssey? The Switch is designed to be portable and unintimidating. You could probably check out Mario while Stranger Things is on, and then use the time you saved to play wither Wolfenstein or Assassin’s Creed. When you think about it, this decision isn’t that big of a deal. There are ways to make this work. It’s not the end of the world.

Wait Fuck, Actually It’s The End Of The World

When you’re an adult, you stop having free time. You’re tired. You have responsibilities. You get excited about buying things like duvet covers and irons because you spend more time doing chores than having fun. The moments you’d use to play these games are perhaps your only time to actually relax all week. You were right to be upset about this. And, let’s face it — you’ve put off starting a big release before and ended up just never playing it. By the time you got around to it, all your friends had moved on. By the time you’re able to talk to your dad about whatever Eleven does this season, he won’t care anymore, if he even remembers. You cannot waste this time. Make a game plan.

Make A Pros And Cons List

No, those are stupid. Don’t do that, those never work.

Call A Loved One

At a time like this you need moral support. Don’t call Dad though, he’ll just tell you to watch Stranger Things. Call… your partner? I mean, they will probably want to watch Stranger Things as well, because that way they get to spend some time with you. Your roommate will say the same thing. I guess it’s Stranger Things then.

No, It’s Not Stranger Things

If you’re going to be chained to the couch all weekend, you don’t want to just be passively watching stuff. It’s much more engaging to be shooting, assassinating, or possessing things! A game is 100% the way to go. But… which one?

It’s Sunday Night

Somehow you knew it would come to this. You take enough time trying to pick out your shirts in the morning, there’s no way you could have made this choice before the next workweek showed up. You’ll shamefully catch up on Stranger Things half a year from now, pick up Wolfenstein 2 in the dark of night in 2019. Assassin’s Creed and Super Mario Odyssey? Who knows when you’ll see those games. Real life is going to come up and sweep you away, and you’ll just add another thing to an increasingly long backlog that you’ll never get to.

It’s not all bad, though. Hey, you saved some money. In fact, you probably shouldn’t buy anything new until next paycheck anyway — if you’re gonna marathon Stranger Things you’re definitely gonna get too many snacks. That actually sounds like a nice treat for when you get paid, doesn’t it? Or, I guess, you could pick up Mario…