Possessing things in Super Mario Odyssey is good, but now that I’ve possessed mostly everything in the game I feel very compelled to place them in a list. A definitive list that is absolutely correct in every possible way.
This is that list.
Please note there are mild spoilers.
Also please note that I’ve deliberately left one out because I don’t want to spoil a very specific part of the game that should remain unspoiled. You can’t thank me later.
Okay, with that said, let the rankings begin!
1. The Caterpillar Dudes (Tropical Wiggler)
Don’t argue with me on this. They make a cool sound when they stretch. CASE CLOSED.
2. Those Onion Things (Uproot)
Onion buddies are buddies for life. The way it feels when you climb up is pure Nintendo magic and I can’t even explain it.
3. The Pecky Bird Dudes In Bowser’s Kingdom (Pokio)
It’s not enough that they can peck spikey shell enemies — that’s enough for top 10 — the fact they can also become a SPRINGBROAD elevates this to top 3.
4. The Octopus Water People (Gushen)
Hurtling after the boss in the beach level at top goddamn speed is some visceral shit. I realise we’re not supposed to use the word visceral when we write about video games but I’m bringing it back.
5. The Big American Football Guys (Chargin’ Chuck)
Oh lord Jesus Christ, charging and destroying shit with your head is so liberating in the best way.
6. The Big Racing Snow Dudes (Shiverian Racer)
Would honestly buy a game that was just about racing these big round bouncy dudes around a track all day. Nintendo. Get on it.
7. The Motherfucken Forks (Volbonan)
It’s not just that you can be a fork, it’s that you can be fork and zip across those other things that turn you into other forks. I’m not very good at explaining this. Just trust me. There’s a mini stage that is just the best.
8. A Manhole (Manhole)
Very excited to finally realise my lifelong dream of becoming a manhole.
9. The Tanks! (Sherm)
Wonky aiming aside, this is a good time.
10. Chain Chomps
So good. So, so good.
11. The Fish Guys (Cheep Cheep)
I can’t believe Nintendo found a way to make water levels not terrible.
12. The Lava Guy (Lava Bubble)
The food kingdom is clearly the worst kingdom in Super Mario Odyssey. The Lava dudes make it almost bearable.
13. The Hammer Bros (Hammer Bros)
I like destroying cheese with hammers.
14. A Giant Piece Of Meat (Meat)
Very good.
15. T-Rex (T-Rex)
Would be higher, but I’m gonna be honest — I was expecting more from the T-Rex. You let me down T-Rex.
16. Electricity Dude (Zipper)
Fuck the haters. I love the bolt of electricity. I love the noise it makes, I love the way it looks and I love shaking the controller so it vibrates and travels to new places.
Things That Are Nowhere Near This List Because They’re Terrible
Yoshi
I want to ride Yoshi, I don’t want to be Yoshi.
Any Statue
All of them suck.
A Letter
Nah.
The Big Cloud Dudes (Ty-Foo)
Bottom of the list. Garbage.
Lakitu
Fishing sucks.
Please tell me all about how you hate my list and that I’m wrong in the comments below.
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