Things You Can Possess In Mario, Ranked

Possessing things in Super Mario Odyssey is good, but now that I've possessed mostly everything in the game I feel very compelled to place them in a list. A definitive list that is absolutely correct in every possible way.

This is that list.

Please note there are mild spoilers.

Also please note that I've deliberately left one out because I don't want to spoil a very specific part of the game that should remain unspoiled. You can't thank me later.

Okay, with that said, let the rankings begin!


1. The Caterpillar Dudes (Tropical Wiggler)

Don't argue with me on this. They make a cool sound when they stretch. CASE CLOSED.

2. Those Onion Things (Uproot)

Onion buddies are buddies for life. The way it feels when you climb up is pure Nintendo magic and I can't even explain it.

3. The Pecky Bird Dudes In Bowser's Kingdom (Pokio)

It's not enough that they can peck spikey shell enemies — that's enough for top 10 — the fact they can also become a SPRINGBROAD elevates this to top 3.

4. The Octopus Water People (Gushen)

Hurtling after the boss in the beach level at top goddamn speed is some visceral shit. I realise we're not supposed to use the word visceral when we write about video games but I'm bringing it back.

5. The Big American Football Guys (Chargin’ Chuck)

Oh lord Jesus Christ, charging and destroying shit with your head is so liberating in the best way.

6. The Big Racing Snow Dudes (Shiverian Racer)

Would honestly buy a game that was just about racing these big round bouncy dudes around a track all day. Nintendo. Get on it.

7. The Motherfucken Forks (Volbonan)

It's not just that you can be a fork, it's that you can be fork and zip across those other things that turn you into other forks. I'm not very good at explaining this. Just trust me. There's a mini stage that is just the best.

8. A Manhole (Manhole)

Very excited to finally realise my lifelong dream of becoming a manhole.

9. The Tanks! (Sherm)

Wonky aiming aside, this is a good time.

10. Chain Chomps

So good. So, so good.

11. The Fish Guys (Cheep Cheep)

I can't believe Nintendo found a way to make water levels not terrible.

12. The Lava Guy (Lava Bubble)

The food kingdom is clearly the worst kingdom in Super Mario Odyssey. The Lava dudes make it almost bearable.

13. The Hammer Bros (Hammer Bros)

I like destroying cheese with hammers.

14. A Giant Piece Of Meat (Meat)

Very good.

15. T-Rex (T-Rex)

Would be higher, but I'm gonna be honest — I was expecting more from the T-Rex. You let me down T-Rex.

16. Electricity Dude (Zipper)

Fuck the haters. I love the bolt of electricity. I love the noise it makes, I love the way it looks and I love shaking the controller so it vibrates and travels to new places.


Things That Are Nowhere Near This List Because They're Terrible

Yoshi I want to ride Yoshi, I don't want to be Yoshi.

Any Statue All of them suck.

A Letter Nah.

The Big Cloud Dudes (Ty-Foo) Bottom of the list. Garbage.

Lakitu Fishing sucks.


Please tell me all about how you hate my list and that I'm wrong in the comments below.


Comments

    I'm actually with you on most of this, but for me being a pedant about your possession of the man-hole. Technically you're possessing the cover of said hole... I'm sorry, I'm being that guy in a light hearted article, I also miss seeing your content :'(

    I can't work for a man that doesn't put meat at its rightful place at the top of this list.

    "Itsa meat, a mario!" Is the most egregiously missing ingredient from this list.

    Things That Are Nowhere Near This List Because They're Terrible

    A Letter Nah

    What about the M, R, I or O letters?

    The tanks in New Donk City are pretty awesome (note: I'm only as far as New Donk City so I might change my mind).

    But really, I'm just here for Mark's names for things. Looking forward to encountering the Motherfucken Forks.

    These area all great things to possess but we all know what is really the greatest possession in the game don't we.

      Yes. The love and thanks of the citizens of the Cap Kingdom.

      Definitely the possession I valued the most.

        Very close but I think the answer you are looking for is a nifty tuxedo.

    Giant Bullet Bills need to be on here somewhere.

    And #1 should be Bowser , which I assume is what Mark was hinting at. Though really, if you stop and think about the game for a second, it's obvious.

    Last edited 27/11/17 7:37 pm

    You lying piece of shit! I love all the capture abilities in Super Mario Odyssey and as for you saying that all the other capture abilities are terrible and garbage fuck you motherfucker. I motherfucking love all those captures abilities that Mario can possess. A Frog, a Goomba, a T-Rex, a Cheep Cheep fish, Mario can also possess Bowser, a Taxi, an alphabetical letter, he can also possess a Bullet Bill, Yoshi, and even my favorite character Glydon the big giant toothless lizard who wears a bandanna around his neck and that he can fly.
    Nintendo I believe in your work and I hope you bring some DLC for Super Mario Odyssey or maybe a sequel soon.

    The blob water guys that can fly around.

    Most useless is the binoculars.

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