If You Were A Loot Box, What Loot Would You Drop?

We've talked a lot about loot boxes in 2017. But let's turn them around into something fun. Let's turn ourselves into loot boxes.

Let's say you're a loot box. You arrive in someone's inventory. They click on you. They watch your fancy animation.

What pops out?

If I was a loot box, I'd probably drop virtual food that you could throw at other players. On the low end you might get basic things like pastries and cream pies. Better chance items would include Four and Twenty pies, Bunnings-branded sausage rolls, Vegemite toast and pavlova.

What about yourselves? And feel free to discuss the cosmetics too - what's your animation look like? Are you shaped like a metal box, or a Metal Gear Solid-style cardboard box? Let us know below!


    Used Toothbrushes and other such assorted items.

    Every so often I'd drop a real in game item just to string players along.

    Kind of like Kadala in Diablo 3. lol.

      Kadala is such a bitch sometimes. I swear one time I traded in like 1500 blood shards and never got a legendary.

    EA has eaten Alex and is now trying to lure us all into a "Lootboxes can be fun!" trap.

    A classic fairytale tactic.

    Oh, and 25% off coupens for buying more lootboxes. For a sense of pride and accomplishment.... ;P

    I'd drop a second loot box.

      Dammit ya beat me to it! How about a 2nd loot box and a random item, but if you want the 2nd box you gotta trash the item AND drop a C note. 99/100 times the player gets a "winner's coupon" that they fill out their home address on. I send them a real box with me popping out like the world's least fun jack in the box and slap the player in the face for being so stupid that they paid $100+ for an intangible thingamajig. The other 1% of drops is the same, but a bonus shirt for your avatar saying "I'm helping destroy the culture I love" AND their characters get nerfed to 1% health, 1% damage and it throttles all XP to 1%. Across every game. Locked to your Steam/PSN/Xbone acct til they renounce MTX's for life. If they do I refund their $100, buy em a "sorry" beer for the slapping and send EA a box full of poo.

    If I was a loot box I'd drop AAA titles with no micros transactions, no loot boxes and strong offline campaigns, with local LAN play and split screen multiplayer co-op.

    Then promptly destroy myself and erase the idea of loot boxes from the collective consciousness.

    I'd probably reveal myself as a mimic, and bite their faces off cos I'm a crazy cunt ;)

    I would drop a stiffy.

      Nothing wrong with getting a stiff one down one's throat at the local boozer after work! :-P

    I would drop pick up lines on the player like i'm the drawer from the society of sensations from the original Planescape Torment.

    I would send the player an email that includes a random board memos and financial accounting statements on how much the company is screwing the consumer, and eventually all the players will act together like an ARG to be able to put it all together and convince a government agency to take action on either a consumer or gambling authority basis.

    Seriously. Queensland says its not, but their role is to regulate and protect licensed gambling.
    Victoria says its probably gambling, but they have no jurisdiction over international or online gambling.
    Federal ACMA says is not gambling, but are keeping an eye on it. (which means nothing).
    ACCC says its not within their perview if it is gambling, but don't think it falls under their broader consumer rules.

    If its not gambling or a consumer protection issue... WHAT THE HELL IS IT AUSTRALIAN GOVENMENT!!! People under the age are wasting hundreds if not thousands on something that pretty much gutted the rule book on "How to build a poker machine" from the perfect sound to the right colours and animations, to the give them enough so they keep coming back for more.

    Farcal matter, guts and gibletts. So basically the same as a battlefront 2 lootboxs.

    I would essentially be a fortune cookie full of phallic jokes.

    I would only drop one item - Solid Snake. Though the equipment he carries and how he murders you may vary...

    I would drop whatever it was that the user really wanted allowing them to get that elusive skin or weapon first time.

    Feces and sadness... Because that's what lootboxes are, and how they make me feel.

    A note apologising for my own existence.

    Or possibly some macabre hint that I was actually a sentient creature with a wonderful life, that was cut short when I was torn apart by some random player character seeking to examine my innards for rare items.

    I'd drop legal advice, which would always be of legendary quality :-P

    A sign saying "Hahaha, we got your money you stupid sucker, now give us some more to try again or the money you dropped on this one will have REALLY been wasted!"

    Broken dreams and puppy videos.

    Festivus for the rest of us!

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