A Dildo Maker Has Finally Determined What The Shape Of Water's Fish Dick Looks Like

The Shape of Water is the story of a star-crossed affair between a mute woman and a fish man god-creature, a film that all but dares us to imagine the convoluted mechanism by which the latter's genitalia becomes external and, uh, able to do sex stuff with a human. It's also nominated for Best Picture now. Go figure!

Image: Double Dare You Productions

There's no shortage of steamy scenes in Guillermo Del Toro's brave defence of interspecies romance, and our friends at Jezebel even debated whether or not the fish man is screwable. Despite all this, I was shocked to discover that there's very little erotic The Shape of Water fanart that might clear up the question everyone who's seen the film has wondered at least once: What's up with the fish dick?

The only real clue we're given by Elisa, the film's protagonist, about how a smooth-crotched monster is capable of penetrative sex is a puzzling gesture. She takes her folded hands and slowly opens them like a book, suggesting, I don't know, some sort of fishy dick saloon doors? Horrifying.

WARNING: NSFW FISH DICK BELOW

She doesn't divulge anything about the dong's specific contours - but thanks to Tumblr user XenoCatArtifacts, a maker of monster-inspired sex toys, she doesn't have to. The fish dick implied by but never shown in The Shape of Water is now a functional dildo.

https://xenocatartifacts.tumblr.com/post/169492042641/revamped-and-ready-to-rumble-heres-the-final

The "Jewel of the Amazon" as it's named, appears to be silicone and glows under UV light. Reviewers on Etsy praised its "wonderful mix of textures to explore" while reassuring potential buyers that "the ridged fins don't feel as harsh as they look". Unfortunately, "Jewel of the Amazon" appears to have sold out of its initial production run.

Image: Etsy

Ere, the owner of XenoCat, confirmed to us via Tumblr message that the toy will be back in stock before the Oscars - although the supply will be limited to around 20.


Comments

    seriously what did i just read? XD

    Oh, but when I ask what a fish's vagina looks like I get weird looks.

    “...a maker of monster-inspired sex toys...”

    I’ll be honest. I’m a little miffed this wasn’t presented to me as an option by my career counseller back in high school.

      I guess this is the kind of thing they're talking about when they talk about how school kids will end up doing jobs that don't exist yet today.

    That weird feeling when you can't get laid yet a fish wang dildo is sold out.....
    *cries*

    Also kudos to all, some awesome comments here!

    I hate this fucking planet...

      The planet if fine, its some of our fellow 'humans' that make it unpleasant.

    Future eskimo brothers beware. He got that tunawang, you know what I mean? Might even have crabs.

    Everyday we stray further from God

      Well, it was suggested in the movie that the creature may, in fact, be a god. So really, this may actually be bringing somebody closer to god. It's even possible that the user might actually say "oh god" whilst using it.

      How does one stray from something that does not exist?

      "Everyday we stray further from the teachings of Darth Plagueis The Wise"

      I think mine is better

    What a journey this article took me on... please excuse me *hops on elon musks space car*

Join the discussion!