Hideo Kojima? Never heard of him. Now, Hodeo Kojumbo - that guy's a legend. This is what I would say if the only video game I'd ever played was Deadly Standing, an unbelievable but somehow extremely real mobile game that's clearly parodying the upcoming game Death Stranding.
You might be thinking to yourself, "But wait, how can somebody rip off a game that is, as far as anybody knows, just a series of mind-boggling cut-scenes starring Norman Reedus and his funky foetus?" Well, the creators of Deadly Standing found a way.
And by that, I mean they made a first-person shooter survival game full of inky-looking "dark creatures" set in a location that vaguely resembles Death Stranding's dreary, isolated backdrop.
The game's Google Play store description is a masterpiece.
"You can finally try playing the great genius Kojumbo," it reads. "Everyone knows Kojumbo genius. Therefore, the game is brilliant.
"There was a global catastrophe. The big explosion changed the familiar world and the water began to go away. All marine animals are stranded. Death spread all over the planet. There were strange dark creatures. The birth rate of children has stopped, but there is a small ray of hope in the form of a new child over the past many years."
So you protect the child from dark creatures while trying not to go blind from staring directly into the exposed heart of Kojumbo's genius.
You might be wondering how this game - much like its primary source of inspiration - can possibly live up to the expectations its creators have set. Well, GOOD NEWS: It can't, so it didn't even try. Here's some footage, courtesy of Uptodown:
You drive around in a truck, occasionally shoot creatures that don't appear to pose any real threat, and - of course - wonder what it all means. While Kojima revels in excess, Kojumbo is a master of minimalism. Would Lindsay Wagner play a role in this game? Probably not, but she'd just get in the way of the message, man.
All of which is to say: Kojumbo is a GENIUS. He's done it again!