I was sitting with Amanda and Tegan on the weekend, and we were watching old Masterchef episodes. It’s funny how weird that show used to be, especially the intro sequence for each of the contestants.
Not long after, I found myself in the finals of a tournament with Nintendo’s favourite anti-hero, Waluigi. And it got me thinking something really dumb for this week’s Off Topic.
Say you’re a contestant on a reality show. Or a character in a video game. You’re being introduced, you’re in the finals. Or maybe you’re in a fighting game, about to square off against Ryu/Ken/pick your preferred opponent.
What would your intro be?
Some thoughts we came up with, mostly from our fearless morning editor Amanda:
- Staring into the camera, dead-eyed, mashing a cupcake into your face. Don’t eat it. Just slowly push it further and further into your skull.
- An Persona 5 All-Out Attack: putting two thumbs up, saying “Everyone has done wrong.” If that makes no sense whatsoever, watch this reel of Persona all-out attacks and you’ll get the idea:
[clear] - In a fighting game: looking at the ground, fists clenched, nervously shaking, saying “you can do this, you can do this, don’t run away, don’t run away”. (That could almost be a fighting game intro for Shinji Ikari, really.)
- Also for a fighting game: the camera flips from my opponent, and then I appear, clipping through the floor, sliding forward before teleporting into nothingness.
- Entering the court for a Mario Tennis Aces final, but swinging the racket back and forth like you’re trying to flog someone with it. (That’s how I play the game, anyway.)
- For Masterchef: pressing your face against the window of an oven door, slowly smooshing your lips harder and harder against the glass until the camera switches to someone with more sanity.
- Roach from Witcher 3, but they enter the battlefield like this:
[clear]
So, dumb intros. What would yours be?
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